Not a day

This letter is for her, the sad part is I can't give this to her because that would spoil all my chances in having her back...this will tell her how much I love her still, how she remains the sole keeper of my heart... time can only tell if she'll be able to read this. I'm pouring my whole heart out...

September 30,2003


Dearest Baby,

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are never off my mind... and even as I sleep my mind is held captive by your gaze. I feel your lips on my nape as if you were there still and I can only sigh in dismay once I wake and realize that it wasn't real. I'm alone and I ache for you.
Not a day goes by that I don't pray for you to come back and I, though losing hope would find solace in thinking that perhaps you will hear my prayers as I scream it out loud hoping that it would fall on God's seemingly deaf ears. Perhaps you yourself would heed my call.
Not a day goes by that I don't wish that you still think of me somehow, that somewhere along the course of your everyday life you remember me and how much I love you.
Not a day goes by that I don't dread the thought that you may never come back, November will come to forever take you away from me. Not a night goes by that I don't cry...
Not a day goes by that I don't pray that you're safe and that you're not as miserable as I am. I want you to be happy the same way that I want to be the one who can make you happy in the end.
Not a day goes by that I don't shed a tear for you. Someone said that tears will run dry soon enough for you to forget you ever cried. That is so not true.
You once told me, "You lived and survived for 21 years without me, You'll move on when I'm gone" I tell you now. I would rather have spent my entire life searching for you if I had known you would only be with me for a while.
But that "while" isn't just enough for me to share my love for you.
Please take me in your heart once more, if that would be my last breath of you. Let it be... maybe somehow you'll know I'm still the one, the only one you need.
I love you Baby.

Yours forever,
Jay

Rain fell at 12:21 am

**11*09**

tado's stupid words of wisdom

1] Its perseverance and study well and good sleeping habits
2] Kumain ng taho, upang di mabilanggo. { eat soya, jail the pusher}
3] Sa panahon ng krisis. Ehersisyo ang kailangan. {in times of crisis, exercise is the best}
4] Ang paborito kong artista ay si Dennis Roldan { In loving memory of Dennis Roldan Rest in Peace Homies}
5] Erning ihanda mo ang auto! { Erning get naked!}

Before the Philippines' largest network hired this guy, before he became unbearably not funny at all, there was Strangebrew, there was a guy named Tado and his driver Erning.
I liked the show for its unconventional brand of humor, weird almost neurotic in some funny way. Before NBN took the show from Un TV. I would borrow Buboy's VCR just before 7 pm, go directly to my mom's room and record the show. I have 3 tapes of nine episodes (one of which is my personal favorite: the alien abduction episode) which have been my constant companion when my sad, and repressed obsessive compulsive syndrome awaits my taking.
Now I can only laugh at myself.
I wonder what it is with Channel 2 that transforms funny people into unlaughable pathetic beings of hard knockers for humor.
Or maybe I just hate seeing them at that loathsome TV station. I hate that Isko and Long and Tado are now kapamilya.
Kapuso kase ako!

**11*09**

A cursed' prayer

God, I only want to be with her one more time.
please...

Rain fell at 3:02 pm