How are you?

How are you?

Those 3 words, used to be very easy to answer. I can hardly remember the day when it was so easy to say "Im fine". When saying "I'm good" came inevitable with a smile. When those words didn't seem so hard to comprehend. When asking "and you?" was said with a wish that the other person asking was also doing well. Yes, there was a time when "How are you?" seemed the nicest thing to hear. The dark sense of dread of not knowing how to answer seemed so alien and was otherwise comforting.

And now I'm finding it more and more difficult to answer it. I'm constantly stuck in a pause not knowing what other words to concoct without sounding miserable. And sometimes even hearing "how are you?" makes me cringe and curl into a ball of melancholy. 

I want to be able to say "I'm fine" again and not feel hollow. I want to be able to smile and laugh in its most sincere form. I want to be able to look at the sun and bathe in its glorious sunshine without feeling the chills, without feeling cold. 

I want to come home.

And then I can meet every "how are you?" with a resounding "I'm perfectly alright".

For Kurt

Dear Kurt Brandon,

I have imagined this moment a hundred times. I'll be sitting in my room composing what would be my first letter to you. I imagined it would be a few weeks before you are born, but time has caught up with me and I find myself in the middle of wanting to come home and see you, and being stuck in a foreign land for a couple more weeks before I finally get to lay my eyes on you.

Nothing could have ever prepared me for this. When you're mom sent me the message that she was about to admitted to the OR to bring you into this world. I was stunned, I didn't know what to do. My mind was racing with the thought of catching the first flight back to Manila. I froze and I found myself calling your mom's number with tears running down my cheeks.

You have to know that I wanted to be there, I wanted to see it through. I wanted to be there for your mom to hold and comfort her before she gets admitted to the delivery room. I wanted to see you come out of the nursery. I wanted to be the first to hold you and place you in your mother's loving arms when she wakes up and looks for you, just like I did when your brother was born.

What I really wanted to say my son is that I love you as much as I love your big brother Jaden. I know things are going to be very different because I won't always be around but that doesn't mean that I love you less. I promise to make things better and I know in time we will all be together.

I love you son, there is nothing else that I long for than to feel your tiny little fingers curl around mine as if it were your tight embrace. But for now, all that has to wait. I'll see you soon!

Love,

Daddy

Cyberdaddy

Yesterday, my son woke up from a nap and my wife told me that he was looking for me, in between tears he was calling me and then came the heartbreaking line "My daddy is stuck on a laptop...".

To my son, his father has now been reduced to a 4x6 inch character he sees on the laptop that he fondly calls daddy. Gone are the afternoons he would ride his car with me watching him from a distance. The 10am bath time we used to share is now a distant memory that is now probably fading from his young mind.

Sometimes late at night I'd wake up and find myself longing to hear him cry and ask for milk. A few months before I left for Singapore, I spent a lot of time with him. I knew I was leaving and my wife said it would be a good idea to have this bond before I finally leave home and work abroad. Everyday I felt more and more closer to him and everyday it became harder for me to leave. I was in constant pain the whole time, add that to the fact that I was leaving my expecting wife. But that's another story.

I never imagined I would have to live and work abroad. I've never dreamt of it. Not even in an alternate universe would I have wished to be separated from my family let alone my son and my wife. I've always thought I'd always be there for see and watch him grow. I wanted to hear him  play his first note, or watch him in his first basketball game or piano recital. I told myself that I will never miss any milestone in my sons life. I know I would never be a perfect father but at the very least I wanted him to have a father who was always there for him.

Now his daddy got stuck on a laptop.

For my son, Jaden, this is what I want you to know.

I love you! Never question that. Your mommy and I loves you so much. And when we say you mean the world to us, it means we will do everything to give you everything even if it means not being with you for a while. And  I know and I have faith that we will get through.

I may miss some of your birthdays, but you have to know how badly I want to be there. I may miss some of your games but you should know I would always try to be there. 

When trying is not enough I will do more than just try, I will be there.

Daddy misses you a lot. I think of you everyday. You and your mom are my source of strength. You inspire me to persevere and work hard, and to be tough when things get real rough.

But for now, I'll just be an image you see on the computer, your silly dad who sings "Elmo's world" and Yo Gabba Gabba songs.

I love you!

-Cyberdaddy Jay

All Things Grand and Wonderful

Today marks my second month here in Singapore. 2 months and Im still awed with wonder whenever I see the Esplanade or the view of Marina Bay Sands from the Makansutra Gluttons Bay. I may get used to it and it may seem ordinary for me a year from now but for now, let me just enjoy the moment. And let me just pay tribute to Singapore. I am here now...

All things grand and wonderful,

All buildings great and tall,

All things nice and coloful:

Singapore has them all.

Each little flower at the Orchid Garden,

Each little bird at Jurong Bird Park,

Painted with glowing colors,

and majestic tiny wings.

The purple headed mountains,

The river running by,

The sunset and the morning

That brightens up the sky.

The tall trees in the greenwood,

The meadows where we play,

The rushes by the water,

To gather every day...

All photos are owned and were taken by my very good friend Don Alejandro Fernandez.

Please visit his site at http://www.wix.com/donfernandez/photography

Inspired by the poem "All things bright and beautiful" by
Cecil F Alexander (1848)

A Ferry Ride Away...

Bintan, Indonesia is just a ferry ride away from Singapore's Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal, that is if you know where you're going.

We booked at Hotel Laguna in Tanjungpinang, Riau Islands' capital and the second largest city in the Indonesian province not knowing that its an hour and 45 minutes away from Bintan Resorts. There's really nothing to see at Tanjungpinang except for the crazy lady at the sidewalk who keeps on laughing at me whenever I pass by.

Amongst the many challenges that a tourist will encounter apart from transportation is that most people at this part of the island doesn't speak english. I was merely asking for a spoon at KFC and the guy kept giving me a straw. You can't ask for directions because it would be a very painful task, that is to try and decipher what the other person is trying to say.

Food was also very pricy at this side of the island. Ranging from $7- $10 Singapore Dollars for a meal. We tried eating at a local restaurant and we felt ripped off when we asked what our bill was. 71,000 rupiah.

Now comes the good part, despite our difficulties with communicating with the locals and tourist  friendly transportation (not!) we were able to find our way to their tropical paradise. Bintan Lagoon Resorts. 

We took the day tour (which costs around $70sgd with taxes) that gave us full access to the beach and their pool and it also came with a leisure package which included archery, lazer quest (lazer tag), ATV (All Terrain Vehicle) ride for 10 minutes and Bungee Bounce.

It would've been a lot easier had we booked at Bintan Resorts, come to think of it, staying and commuting from the city to and fro Bintan Lagoon Resorts was also a bit pricy. So if you're planning on having your holidays at Bintan Resorts, I would strongly suggest Nirwana Beach Club, we learned from a local driver that you can get a package for $80 per night. 

Overall, it wasn't that bad. At least now I know how to get around Bintan and where not to stay.

There is no God?

This is one of my favorite articles of all time. I read this on a Reader's Digest back issue when I was 15. Whenever I doubt the existence of God and I remember this article, it never fails to give that sense of comfort and relief. Its probably one of the reasons why I never turned Atheist. 

Happy Easter Everyone!

There is no God?

By Jim Bishop


There is no God. All of the wonders around us are accidental. No almighty hand made a thousand-billion stars. They made themselves. No power keeps them on their steady course. The earth spins itself to keep the oceans from falling off toward the sun. Infants teach themselves to cry when they are hungry or hurt. A small flower invented itself so that we could extract digitalis for sick hearts.

The earth gave itself day and night, tilted itself so that we get seasons. Without the magnetic poles, man would be unable to navigate the trackless oceans of water and air, but they just grew there.

How about the sugar thermostat in the pancreas? It maintains a level of sugar in the blood sufficient for energy. Without it, all of us would fall into a coma and die.

Why does snow sit on mountain tops waiting for the warm spring sun to melt it at just the right time for the young crops in farms below to drink? A very lovely accident?

The human heart will beat for 70 or 80 years without faltering. How does it get sufficient rest between beats? A kidney will filter poison from the blood, and leave good things alone. How does it know one from another?

Who gave the human tongue flexibility to form words and a brain to understand them, but denied it to all other animals?

Who showed a womb how to take the love of two persons and keep splitting a tiny ovum until, in time, a baby would have the proper number of fingers, eyes, ears and hair in the right places, and come into the world when it is strong enough to sustain life?

There is no God?

A Test of Spirit

When I got to my seat on the plane, that's when it all sank in. My wife's tight embrace and my son's soothing smile are the most irreplaceable things that I will dearly miss as I try to rise up to the challenge of seeking a new life in Singapore.

6 months ago, I was walking the streets of Bedok South with them. I took bus and train rides with my son on my shoulder. I held hands with my wife through the parks and subways of Singapore. now its a totally different thing when you're gonna have to do it alone.

Its funny because when I was back home, I couldn't wait to get out. Everything that is there to love about human existence has eluded the Philippines. I'm probably gonna be first to say I hate my country. From its discolored past and every corrupt government official that leeches every Filipino dry to the lowest organism in its infamous bureaucracy. From its insanely ridiculous conservatism that has held our country from moving forward up to the most high and mighty of our catholic church that sticks its fingers to every freakin' issue with their holier than thou attitude. The Filipino society, with its hopeless romanticism with all things tragic, scandalous, miraculous, dramatic, libelous and finds comfort with the mundane, has doomed itself to becoming the perpetual Sick Man of Asia. 

'

Which is why its easy to fall in love with a country like Singapore. Who doesn't want order, cleanliness and discipline? Sure people here have complaints and things to whine about like the rising costs of living which has been going on for a number of years now but anyone who's been here would say its so much better here.

Basic fact, people move to another country because they want a better life. Its hard because you have to leave the people you love behind. My friend says, you can't have your own success story without that part of overcoming trials or making sacrifices, and I jokingly said "Wouldn't it be nice to have it all easy?" 

I know nothing's easy, and if this will be my test, then I'll take it head on. Walking the streets without my wife holding my hand or my son on my shoulder will be tough but I guess I have to endure it. Yes, I will always be a Filipino but I refuse to die like a sick man who willingly got devoured by his own kind.

How to make money out of rules

Yesterday I had the unfortunate chance to experience government service at its finest (okay Im just teasing, I mean worst). As most Filipinos unwillingly have to endure every once in a while I had to visit the MMDA office at Guadalupe. Apparently, I needed to settle some penalties for 2 traffic violations before I can get my driver's licence renewed. I have no complaints about that, after all it was my fault. I chose not to pay the fines on time. So I went there to get done and over with. 

As soon as I got there and old lady selling pens approached me and asked, "Lisensya po Sir?, Plaka?" (License, Plate?) "Ay Sir, di po kayo pwede dyan, nakashort kayo... magpantalon po muna kayo" (Sir, you can't get inside, you're wearing shorts, you have to wear jeans). I walked passed by her, ignoring her completely. I had a big wound on my legs and I can't wear jeans. I explained this to the guard who told me to ask their commanding officer to grant me an exemption so I can transact with them. I went out looking for the their head, went to the security office only to find an empty office. It was lunchtime. I'll give it to them, maybe they were on a break. I went back to the guard on the office and told him there was nobody there. He said I have to look for their "boss". A teenager approached me and said "Bakit boss? kelangan nyo ng pantalon, pantalon po sir?"  (Sir, do you need a pair of jeans?").

I was able to find the head master general his excellency, the Royal Guard who took pity on me when he saw the wound on my right leg. The agony was just about to begin. Their office did not have any AC's. Ceiling fans and the exhaust fan were no match to the scorching heat of the sun. An hour and a half after submitting my documents and paying the P30 clearance fee, my name was called and was given a number so I can proceed to the next window. I had to wait for another hour for my name to be called so I can make the payment and another hour and a half to get my name cleared of my violation. I guess the word efficient was a word they've never encountered.

There are a couple of things I want to raise. What's wrong with wearing shorts? Why do they need to require applicants to wear jeans before they can transact and enter that rat hole? Was it a call for decency? Are we going to meet the pope to kiss his blessed hand for atonement? I find that rule ridiculous, superficial and discriminatory. I see nothing wrong with wearing shorts or slippers. Where do they think we are? The Vatican?

Second, the staff had to deal with technical difficulties (I noticed that their internet was down as soon as I got in) and they were disorganized. Instead of finding a way to address their trouble, they laughed and talked non-stop. It took an hour before an IT staff to check their internet connection, before they decided to have our papers checked through their other office. 

Can someone also explain what clearance fee and computer fee is for? Does that mean we need to pay them for having them check their computers? or for having our names cleared even after paying the penalty? 

Don't get me wrong, Im not singling out the MMDA. It just so happened that I had to deal with them yesterday. This goes to all government offices in general. Anyone who has tried getting their NBI clearance has been made to endure their long tiresome queue just to get to the first window. (Unless you paid one of the fixers). What's the airport tax for? Why does the NAIA charge it but Singapore Airport doesn't?

Do you know when the MMDA traffic enforcers are most visible? Its around 7 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon. I don't think I have to explain why, but for the sake of those who doesn't drive? Its when the color coding rule is in effect.

Rules. What do we do without them?

Willie Strikes again

An avid Willie Revillame supporter would say, they were just waiting for him to make a mistake. I'm sorry if I can't help it. He's pretty consistent. He never fails to disappoint and make a fool of himself.

Just a few months after his new show was launched, and a couple of days after my post about how miserable primetime TV has become, Willie does it again. It seems like controversy follows him where ever he goes. 

[ I posted the original video here that had over 400,000 hits but after a few days it was taken down. The video contained Jan-jan's erotic dance and showed Willie asking the poor boy to repeat it over and over. ]

It amazes me how some people think there's nothing wrong with this. How they defend it and regard it merely as a show. While it may be true that the kid was in on it a 100%, there was a judgment error made when the host of the show who had every control to stop it did not do anything, and instead laughed like a buffoon on the background and even made the kid do it over and over again.

So he apologizes on National TV, brings the child's parents to his show and makes it appear like it was nobody's fault. 

The issue was not how lewd or malicious the performance was, but the fact that they allowed it to be aired on TV for all the world to enjoy. Or probably, the bigger issue now is how our society is now able to tolerate irresponsible parenting for a few thousand bucks. 

Or the fact that we have now sank to our deepest low. From soap operas that offer no redeeming values or any substance at all, and worse thrives on plots of revenge and evil schemes to TV game shows that promises false hopes of sudden wealth while exploiting poverty and misery.

Ask yourself. What kind of society are we bringing our children into?

Also read:

http://www.betterphilippines.com/righteous-indignation/willing-willie-jan-jan-controversy-or-why-philippine-tv-sucks/

The miserable plight of Philippine Primetime TV

It all starts around 6pm, just as the sun is getting ready to set. And the looming darkness awaits to cover the world, misery at its finest. Primetime TV.

Forget the news, for years it has always been the same crap: corruption, scandal, vehicular accidents (more often than not it involves motorcycles) showbiz news, oil price hike, some celebrity breaks up with her/his partner. Nothing new with everyday's news.

Enter a "new" primetime game show hosted by none other than the infamous Willie Revillame. He leaves the giant network who honed and nurtured his talentless antics from his MTB days to Wowowee. Comes up with practically the same show with minor enhancements and voila! The whole country is awed and wowed.

Alas! Just when you think things couldn't get any worst, along comes Willing Willie. A show that not only promises to entertain but to help those who are in need. (Deus Adiova Nos Omnes)

I don't understand what passes for entertainment in this country, It seems that we have a soft spot to see people crying on the television. If the Romans were entertained by gladiators who kill each other in front of a cheering crowd, We hunger for tears and misery. We cheer for people who are best at their worst. When they miraculously sing out of tune or gracelessly dance like ducks on drugs or an elephant on tranquilizer, the adoring crowd bemused and amused while waiting for a nonchalant punchline from the master host himself.

I don't get it. Perhaps I never will. What I understand is that while it seems entertaining for many, I find it ridiculous and distasteful. I barf at the idea that the show capitalizes on human misery in its every living form. I frown at the fact that it mirrors the taste of our predominant society: the masses, the same crowd that brought Erap to the highest office in the land. 

Can you blame them? No. It's the hand that feeds the mouth that is to blame. You can't expect a child to grow healthy and strong if you keep on feeding him milk all the time. As the months go by, you introduce new food supplements, vegetables, fish, meat and vitamins. You nurture his mind with new activities, new toys to play with. 

The truth is, Philippine TV caters to only one crowd, the masses. But what producers fail to realize is that they have the power to change what the masses want. Cheap entertainment if you think about it comes with a huge prize both literally and figuratively, yet it fails to educate.

People crave for something nice and new. Would it really hurt to experiment a bit? After all, we only have 3 major networks that most people have access to. If they all come up with shows that has substance and real learnings maybe something positive can come from it.

Crossroads

While tucking him into bed, I foolishly tried to tell my 2 year old son I'm going to Singapore. I don't know what got into me, maybe I wanted to see what his reaction would be or I was hoping he would say "No Daddy..." And he did not disappoint.

Me: "Jaden I'm going to Singapore ok?"

Jaden: "No, I dike (I don't like), I dike..."

Me: "Why?"

Jaden: (in between drinking his milk) "I dike"... "No"

Me: "You want me to stay here with you?"

Jaden: (nods) "Yeah."

Me: I'm going to Singapore so I can buy you toys ok?

Jaden: (nods)

There comes a point in life when you realize, you have to do something, rather than feeling you could have done more. Its when you try to justify that its not too late, that you can still go beyond your potential and ultimately, to be able to provide for your family. And by providing, I mean not just the basic needs to survive the months ahead, but to secure a better future.

Having spent the better part of the decade trying to make it into the music scene didn't serve me well. I know that now. I was chasing a dream. I was a fool to believe I would become a rockstar. I mean what was I thinking? Maybe I wasn't good enough, with my girly voice and sloppy songwriting. Yet a part of me still holds on to that dream and I don't know when to stop, maybe I never will.

So when should you let go of a dream? Isn't that what keeps us alive? That desperate hope to make something out of ourselves? When does one say enough of this? I'm moving on. My mom always look at that phase of my life with disgust and disappointment. Claiming that being in a band destroyed me. What she doesn't know is that music kept me sane. My dream kept me going.

I looked at my son as he fell asleep and I realize, I don't have to stop dreaming. Not everyone ends up what they aspire to be but you have to try. I used to say, I'll keep on trying so when I grow old and look back at my life, whatever I turn out to be, at least I know I tried. Now more than ever, I feel there are no truer words than that. 

Building new dreams can open ways for a bigger dream. Maybe this is the fresh start I need. I can still write songs nobody is stopping me from that, and maybe someday I'll find my voice again.

And until then, I guess I have to take this road for the meantime...

Edsa Revolution: 25 years hence

25 years after the world wide phenomenon that was EDSA,  I post this question: Is there still glory left in EDSA?

Many a story has been written about the glorious bloodless revolution that ousted a tyrant leader. Countless articles have been published on how we regained democracy after 14 years of martial law. And now 25 years after, the essence remains, but the glory has faded.

What has changed really? Apart from some liberties gained, we are still a dying nation. Misled by corrupted ideals and fake ideologies, we have learned nothing from our past.

EDSA is now just a mere shadow of our jaded history. If not the main highway that we all loathe. A quarter of a century hence, we remain a 3rd world country in chaos. Lawlessness, corruption, poverty, and unemployment still plague our country.

We haven't gained democracy. 5 regimes after EDSA (9 years with the evil gnome that was GMA) we have yet to see a government for the people, by the people and of the people. So far all we have seen are leaders who have their own vested interests. Generals who ransack funds intended for our national security. Politicians who smuggle and use drugs, Soul-less political clans/dynasties who desperately clings to power by killing everyone on their way and gets away with it.

25 years after the uprising in EDSA, 3 centuries after we were colonized by Spain. We are still slaves. Virtual slaves of foreign corporations who capitalizes on our cheap labor. We are but a modern mirror image of our colonial selves. The modern Juan De La Cruz now walks with shoes and clad with western clothing adorned by all things pretentious.

But nothing has changed.

In fact, it has gotten worst.

Suicide Hero

The country was stunned last week when Former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes apparently took his own life in front of his parent’s grave. Within an hour the suicide was all over the news and became a headline the next day.

For what greater story can there be, than a man who at his final days saw his name dragged to obscurity and ridicule. 65 years that was capped by allegations of corruption in the armed forces.

Not so surprising though. Think of any government agency here in our country that doesn’t reek of corruption. If everyone would have the same reaction after an allegation, I say accuse every official in every department. Maybe that will help the current administration uphold its slogan of “Kung walang corrupt walang mahirap” (If no one is corrupt, no one will be poor) and effectively rid its agencies of these bastards.

What’s even more bothering though is the angle that says it was heroic. I am not suggesting that Reyes was guilty or that he should be condemned forever. I am appalled with the thought that such an act can be considered an act of heroism. Col. Edgard De Leon believes that the Former AFP Chief of Staff took his own life to “save the AFP.” (from an article in Manila Bulletin, It was a valiant act, Aide says by Elena Aben) Another headline from the Philippine Star last February 9, has Fernando Martinez quoted as saying that what Reyes did was heroic.

Since when did committing suicide become a valiant act? In some cultures maybe, like in Japan where Harakiri or Seppuku (a ritual act of disembowelment) was practiced by samurais in honor of the Bushido code. Somehow the logic of it eludes me. Suicide to be tagged as an act of courage rather than a form of escapism defies all moral reasoning. Sure, it takes guts to point the gun to your chest and pull the trigger but that doesn't make it heroic.

If it is an act of courage, then I dare everyone in the AFP to take their guns out and start shooting each other or for every god damned government agency for that matter. What moral implication does this teach our children? That the end justifies the means because you can end it anyway.

If for anything, what his death meant for the public is that it showed how badly screwed up our government is. (Not a big news anymore) Assuming that he was innocent, Reyes himself showed no trust in our justice system.

Maybe it was heroic after all, if what it does is to free everyone from the stench of selfishness and greed that is perfectly embodied by our government. It was heroic, if what it does is to aid the investigation and eventually shell out the truth. Until then, I say he would have done his country a big favor had he faced the raps and spoke the truth instead of cowardly dimming the lights for a grand escape.

Also posted on http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/8197668-suicide-hero

5 reasons why kids shouldn't watch Dora

You've probably heard of her by now. That annoying little girl who prances around with her pet monkey. She has now invaded every home and captured your kids heart with her singing and awesome dance moves.

Let me present my case here, and find out why your kids shouldn't watch her show.

1. She leaves and goes to her expensive exploring trips without the consent of her parents. I can imagine that she doesn't go to school and has no formal education which explains why she'd  rather be friends with a monkey as she never was exposed to socialization

2. Backpack,backpack. - This is totally beyond me. Why would anyone keep a bag that talks and answers to the call "Backpack, backpack"? To make things worse. You can't just pull out the stuff that you need from this bag, He will make you choose what you need in the form of a game. Talk about absurdity at its finest.

3. Swiper no swiping!-  There has never been an antagonist as weakly depicted as Swiper the Fox. Can you imagine getting mugged and stopping the mugger by saying  "Mugger no mugging, mugger no mugging!" If I were the mugger, Id get scared. (and weirded out)

4. The Bangs- Need I say more? Anyway, for arguments sake let me defend the point. Dora's hair looks as outdated as my grandma's false teeth. Nevermind that Vice Ganda has fooled herself to thinking that she pulled it off and now calls herself "Bangs ganda" It still looks ridiculous to me. On second thought, I've seen horses with bangs in Baguio and it didn't look so bad.

5. Teleportation- While quantum physics may still hold the key to teleportation as well as time travel. This vagabond kid is fooling your kids by making them believe that they can pass through space and time with her explorations to caves, the moon and your bathroom.

I'll let the talking map go because while a singing map can be an annoying guide, it is nowhere as absurd as the one's mentioned above. I'll just think of "The Map" as a GPS Navigation gadget.


And if these points still aren't enough to convince you, take a look at this mug shot of Dora. Apparently she was seen caught crossing the border of Mexico without valid identification and was charged as an illegal immigrant.

She resisted arrest and fought with the police which explains the black eye. Her pet monkey fled the scene and took her backpack with him.

Carpe Diem Videos

Here is a collection of my favorite videos taken from our gigs back when my band Carpe Diem was still active.


UP Fair 2008

@ Magnet Bar



This is a personal favorite of mine: Desaparecidos

The dreaded needle

Growing up, I don't think I have that much recollection of being confined in a hospital. I loathe the place. I guess back then, I knew how half hearted my answer was to the question: "What do you want to be when you grow up" 90% of the time kids would say "I want to be a doctor." I think I knew I was lying or maybe it sounded grand even for a 10 year old kid, yet picturing myself on a white coat and a stethoscope hanging on my neck was never part of my dreams.

But I don't think I was ever afraid of needles. Not until my son came along. Every trip to the hospital gives me a deep seated anxiety that may have sprung from the first time my son was confined. They could not find his veins for the IV, and I, stood aghast at the sight of 3 doctors who were apparently torturing my son. I walked out in disbelief.

It has been like that ever since. I hated needles and I think at one point I even contemplated on burying my fist  on the poor doctor's throat who was only doing his job. Its a wonder how a procedure that's supposed to make you better can hurt just as bad. 

When we look at the things that hurt us, or those that makes you shiver in discomfort. We tend to overlook at the positive things that it brings us. True, there will never be a painless way to insert the intravenous line on our veins but it prevents dehydration. 

I hope there will never be a need to get confined but if it happens again, I will be ready, or maybe I will try to be ready.

Bamboo Band no more

"Things change.

As a group we've come to a point where you have to trust your gut, your heart and your head and accept that all things change. The hardest part as always is to know when to pack it up and part ways...

So here we go- Its official- The band- Its over"

- Bamboo Manalac

And things will change indeed.

The band we've come to know, (it may be argued but for me its true)  and has been for many years,as the forefront of the rock scene. The country's premiere rock band that has earned the respect of both the established and aspiring musicians officially bid farewell. 

I could not imagine the music scene without them. And yes I never imagined writing about them breaking up let alone write this piece. 

Its the saddest news since the Death of NU 107. And this is another huge blow right on the crotch of the dying rock scene here in the Philippines.

Im no expert in the music scene but I can imagine that this will have a big impact on the business. I can only hope that the new bands will at least try to live up if not surpass the standards that this band has set.

The level of energy on their performances, the professionalism that they have exuded and the genuine love and passion for their craft should be emulated by the coming generations of rock groups.

"This is not goodbye" writes Bamboo. While for some it may be cliche, I sincerely hope he meant that. We lost him early on in the decade when he left Rivermaya, it will be tragic if we won't be able to hear him sing again.

Full text of the bands official press release was posted on their website by Bamboo himself: http://www.bamboo.com.ph/announcement/

The Holidays are Over...

"‎...in the days after Christmas, we step down from the heights of the holiday and along with our colored lights return to dimmer realities: daily life and its monotony, despairing headlines, another year of wearisome failures, blind spots, and missteps..."- W.H. Auden

It’s after the New Year when the craze starts to die down. After the cheers and toasts of the holidays, after all the merrymaking and countless, endless parties of the past month; it’s when you begin to realize that the holidays are over.

Admit it or not there’s this warm intangible, almost iridescent feeling that December brings us. Whether it’s the spirit of Christmas or not, I do not know. All I know for sure is that it’s a good feeling. It’s the kind of feeling that drives us to give gifts and be extra nice to people, the kind that touches our hearts and somehow convinces us to donate generous amounts of money to charities and foundations. To most people it is their favorite time of the year.

I don’t think anything can be bigger than Christmas. And that is so true here in the Philippines where Christmas carols start to play as early as September. No other festivity tops Christmas. Lest a huge celebrity dies or new sex scandal storms the internet or Kris Aquino acquires another STD. Nothing touches the Filipino psyche more than Christmas.

It is the time of the year when every virtue known to Catholics are practiced like monks on a Buddhist monastery. I can go on and on about the evils of the Christmas holidays, like how the 4^th quarter of the year is when capitalists amass huge profits throughout the years. But nothing can destroy Christmas in our hearts. The only downside is when its over.

Our realities confront us when we are the lowest points in our lives. Or when everything starts going down the drain. We realize we’ve spent too much when we run out of cash. You’re dying from lung cancer because you smoked too much when you were young. It’s easy to ignore the obvious when you are at the top enjoying yourself too much.

That is why the city lights look dimmer even when they are their brightest after Christmas. We feel we have less and start wanting more after our pockets are emptied from all the merrymaking and gift giving but the truth is we’ve always had enough. We ignore the simple truths because we’re all too blinded with the glitters and the lanterns.

We all say we need a break, I guess that’s what Christmas is for some of us, A break from the tiring uncaring world we made ourselves. After it we go back to our sour old selves. Charity and Kindness is replaced by Greed and Selfishness. Humility and Temperance step backward for Pride and Lawlessness to take over.

A child's hapless dream is to have Christmas everyday of the year, and maybe its all it will ever be. Its a wonder how the human spirit and its innate goodness desperately clings to festivities and celebration to feel the need to be good. Yes we are capable to love and everything else springs from it, But do we really need a holiday for it? Do we?