Those 3 words, used to be very easy to answer. I can hardly remember the day when it was so easy to say "Im fine". When saying "I'm good" came inevitable with a smile. When those words didn't seem so hard to comprehend. When asking "and you?" was said with a wish that the other person asking was also doing well. Yes, there was a time when "How are you?" seemed the nicest thing to hear. The dark sense of dread of not knowing how to answer seemed so alien and was otherwise comforting.
And now I'm finding it more and more difficult to answer it. I'm constantly stuck in a pause not knowing what other words to concoct without sounding miserable. And sometimes even hearing "how are you?" makes me cringe and curl into a ball of melancholy.
I want to be able to say "I'm fine" again and not feel hollow. I want to be able to smile and laugh in its most sincere form. I want to be able to look at the sun and bathe in its glorious sunshine without feeling the chills, without feeling cold.
I want to come home.
And then I can meet every "how are you?" with a resounding "I'm perfectly alright".