All Hallow's Eve
I'm dead.
Unlike the others who have gone before me, no one's gonna visit my grave.
My epitaph reads...
Born: January 25 1980
Died: August 9, 2003.
I wish I were...
10 more days to go and I feel like I want to be swallowed by the earth.
Because if seein' her again would mean losing her. I don't know what I would do...
I guess I'd rather hold on to that illusion that I still have her.
Save me.
from me...
Rain fell at 3:40 pm
Vivid wordy imagery of life and all its grandeur. Unsolicited Perceptions of a disoriented spectator.
Friday, October 31, 2003
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Cutting Fingernails
I have gotten a messy day
Always cutting fingernails of my right hand
The thumb is too thick to cut with
I need the help of my friend
So that decency of edge
I would see for at least
Too harvesting time of fruit in season
The first quarter moon of my index
Would be dimmer after the said rite
Of cleanliness--clouded with art;
The cover of my middle
Reminds me how I write for a living
Yet, I need to take it out subtly
To save me from embarassment sometimes;
My ring finger has no problem
It is the darling among the five
So long,, clean and shining nail of love
And my small finger
Is the dirtiest one for it gets ink
When I write and absorbs all the pain
When this hand sends messy
And crying notes of life when he left...
She sent this poem to me over 2 years ago..
I never thought of it as a premonition...
I never thought I'd be the one cutting fingernails...
Rain fell at 10:57 am
I have gotten a messy day
Always cutting fingernails of my right hand
The thumb is too thick to cut with
I need the help of my friend
So that decency of edge
I would see for at least
Too harvesting time of fruit in season
The first quarter moon of my index
Would be dimmer after the said rite
Of cleanliness--clouded with art;
The cover of my middle
Reminds me how I write for a living
Yet, I need to take it out subtly
To save me from embarassment sometimes;
My ring finger has no problem
It is the darling among the five
So long,, clean and shining nail of love
And my small finger
Is the dirtiest one for it gets ink
When I write and absorbs all the pain
When this hand sends messy
And crying notes of life when he left...
She sent this poem to me over 2 years ago..
I never thought of it as a premonition...
I never thought I'd be the one cutting fingernails...
Rain fell at 10:57 am
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Countdown to November 9... 11 days to go
Eating me up
Fear is eating me up
like bubble gum it'll chew and spit me out.
It'll drain the taste in me but it will not swallow
...because I'm bitter.
and I'm sour.
And I taste like wine.
Not drunk but not sober.
Imagine a bubble gum that tastes like that...
Please swallow me.
**11*09**
I dreamt of her again, yeah, again.
I couldn't remember what I was really doin at that place that kinda looked like SM North
I was walking with my 2 friends when I heard her call me.
I saw her and she had tears in her eyes.
She said " ang tanga ko, di ba bilin mo ingatan ko sarili ko, nagkasakit ako tas naospital ako"
I kept on hugging her.
Then she was gone, my dream was over.
I tried so hard to sleep again so I could just be with her.
I'd rather not wake up.
I wish I never woke up...
**11*09**
Sick Cycle Carousel
Lifehouse
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this?
Well here we go one more time
I tried to climb your steps I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way I tried to change this mind
You better believe I tried to beat this
When will this end it goes on and on and over and over and over again?
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here, never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
...This is a sick cycle carousel this is a sick cycle, yeah
Rain fell at 10:06 am
Eating me up
Fear is eating me up
like bubble gum it'll chew and spit me out.
It'll drain the taste in me but it will not swallow
...because I'm bitter.
and I'm sour.
And I taste like wine.
Not drunk but not sober.
Imagine a bubble gum that tastes like that...
Please swallow me.
**11*09**
I dreamt of her again, yeah, again.
I couldn't remember what I was really doin at that place that kinda looked like SM North
I was walking with my 2 friends when I heard her call me.
I saw her and she had tears in her eyes.
She said " ang tanga ko, di ba bilin mo ingatan ko sarili ko, nagkasakit ako tas naospital ako"
I kept on hugging her.
Then she was gone, my dream was over.
I tried so hard to sleep again so I could just be with her.
I'd rather not wake up.
I wish I never woke up...
**11*09**
Sick Cycle Carousel
Lifehouse
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this?
Well here we go one more time
I tried to climb your steps I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way I tried to change this mind
You better believe I tried to beat this
When will this end it goes on and on and over and over and over again?
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here, never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
...This is a sick cycle carousel this is a sick cycle, yeah
Rain fell at 10:06 am
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Countdown to November 9... 12 days to go
I'm scared.
Now more than ever.
I'm scared of losing her or have I lost her that day she stepped out of the car and I'm just too blind to see.
... that all I have now are the my false hopes that she's still comin' back... and that my misery would finaly end.
Or is it just the beginning of another struggle? another fight with oblivion?
God help me!
...
**11*09**
Come Around
Rhett Miller
I'm dressed all in blue
And I'm remembering you
And the dress you wore
When you broke my heart
I'm depressed upstairs
And I'm remembering where
And when, and how, and why
You have to go so far
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
I'm dressed all in white
And I remember the night
You came on to me
And opened up my heart
I was hollow then
'Til you filled me in
Now I'm empty again
I should have never let it start
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
No one else can fix me
Although sometimes my heart tricks me
Into thinking someone else will do
But you're the only one
You are the only one
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
So come around
So come around
I'm dressed all in blue
And I'm remembering you
And the dress you wore
When you broke my heart ...
Rain fell at 12:10 pm
I'm scared.
Now more than ever.
I'm scared of losing her or have I lost her that day she stepped out of the car and I'm just too blind to see.
... that all I have now are the my false hopes that she's still comin' back... and that my misery would finaly end.
Or is it just the beginning of another struggle? another fight with oblivion?
God help me!
...
**11*09**
Come Around
Rhett Miller
I'm dressed all in blue
And I'm remembering you
And the dress you wore
When you broke my heart
I'm depressed upstairs
And I'm remembering where
And when, and how, and why
You have to go so far
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
I'm dressed all in white
And I remember the night
You came on to me
And opened up my heart
I was hollow then
'Til you filled me in
Now I'm empty again
I should have never let it start
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
No one else can fix me
Although sometimes my heart tricks me
Into thinking someone else will do
But you're the only one
You are the only one
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
So come around
So come around
I'm dressed all in blue
And I'm remembering you
And the dress you wore
When you broke my heart ...
Rain fell at 12:10 pm
Monday, October 27, 2003
These girls rock!
We had a nice time last night, not only did we get to hang out with the voodoo child , (all praises for this lass!) We also got a piece of STC's music! and I tell you man! These girls can really rock!
I don't really enjoy watching gigs, I get this itchy feeling inside that makes me want to climb up the stage and grab the microphone. Last night was different, these girls make you want to be on the sideline and just listen to them, and the crowd was great too. They screamed, they danced, they jumped and cheered their homegrown bands like it was The Beatles back in the 60's.
Awesome!
Lotsa pretty girls too!
**11*09**
The Teens
You walk through a crowd of younger people and you realize that your age has finally caught up with you.
Then you'd start to think about the things you missed doing when you were young and the things that you failed to do.
And all you can do is just sit and stare and get the hang of it.
Hang...
That's exactly what my friend and I felt yesterday when we entered St. Theresa's College.
"Tol, ang tanda na pala natin..."
Oh well!
Age has only wheels to be able to run but the person itself do not.
and so what? I still can pass for a 19 year old!
**11*09**
I carried this thought inside me the whole time yesterday.
Out all the pretty faces that surrounds me, There's still only one face that my eyes yearn for.
YOU.
I miss you...
Rain fell at 8:45 am
We had a nice time last night, not only did we get to hang out with the voodoo child , (all praises for this lass!) We also got a piece of STC's music! and I tell you man! These girls can really rock!
I don't really enjoy watching gigs, I get this itchy feeling inside that makes me want to climb up the stage and grab the microphone. Last night was different, these girls make you want to be on the sideline and just listen to them, and the crowd was great too. They screamed, they danced, they jumped and cheered their homegrown bands like it was The Beatles back in the 60's.
Awesome!
Lotsa pretty girls too!
**11*09**
The Teens
You walk through a crowd of younger people and you realize that your age has finally caught up with you.
Then you'd start to think about the things you missed doing when you were young and the things that you failed to do.
And all you can do is just sit and stare and get the hang of it.
Hang...
That's exactly what my friend and I felt yesterday when we entered St. Theresa's College.
"Tol, ang tanda na pala natin..."
Oh well!
Age has only wheels to be able to run but the person itself do not.
and so what? I still can pass for a 19 year old!
**11*09**
I carried this thought inside me the whole time yesterday.
Out all the pretty faces that surrounds me, There's still only one face that my eyes yearn for.
YOU.
I miss you...
Rain fell at 8:45 am
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Dead Poets Sunday
If God will Send His angels
Nobody else here baby
no one here to blame
No one to point the finger...
It's just you and me and the rain
Nobody made you do it, no one put words in your mouth
Nobody here taking orders when love took a train heading south
It's the blind leading the blond
It's the stuff the stuff of country songs
Hey if God will send His angels
And if God will send a sign
And if God will send His angels
Would everything be alright?
God has got his phone off the hook babe
Would He even pick up if he could?
It's been a while since we saw that child
Hangin' round this neighbourhood
See His mother dealing in a doorway
See Father Christmas with a begging bowl
Jesus sister's eyes are blister...
The high street never looked so low
It's the blind leading the blond
It's the cops collecting for the cons
So where is the hope and where is the faith... and the love?
What's that you say to me
Does love... light up your Christmas tree?
The next minute you're blowing a fuse
And the cartoon network turns into the news
Hey if God will send His angels
And if God will send a sign
Well If God will send His Angels
Where do we go?
Jesus never let me down
You know Jesus used to show me the score
Then they put Jesus in show business
Now it's hard to get in the door
It's the stuff it's the stuff of country songs
But I guess it was something to go on
Hey if God will send His angels
I sure could use them here right now
Hey if God wil l send His angels
...Where do we go?
-U2, Pop (OST City of Angels)
Rain fell at 2:47 am
If God will Send His angels
Nobody else here baby
no one here to blame
No one to point the finger...
It's just you and me and the rain
Nobody made you do it, no one put words in your mouth
Nobody here taking orders when love took a train heading south
It's the blind leading the blond
It's the stuff the stuff of country songs
Hey if God will send His angels
And if God will send a sign
And if God will send His angels
Would everything be alright?
God has got his phone off the hook babe
Would He even pick up if he could?
It's been a while since we saw that child
Hangin' round this neighbourhood
See His mother dealing in a doorway
See Father Christmas with a begging bowl
Jesus sister's eyes are blister...
The high street never looked so low
It's the blind leading the blond
It's the cops collecting for the cons
So where is the hope and where is the faith... and the love?
What's that you say to me
Does love... light up your Christmas tree?
The next minute you're blowing a fuse
And the cartoon network turns into the news
Hey if God will send His angels
And if God will send a sign
Well If God will send His Angels
Where do we go?
Jesus never let me down
You know Jesus used to show me the score
Then they put Jesus in show business
Now it's hard to get in the door
It's the stuff it's the stuff of country songs
But I guess it was something to go on
Hey if God will send His angels
I sure could use them here right now
Hey if God wil l send His angels
...Where do we go?
-U2, Pop (OST City of Angels)
Rain fell at 2:47 am
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Usapang Bundok
[Mokong] Dapat tuloy tayo sa sabado umakyat ng bundok e
[Makoy] Sama ko tapos sama natin tatay ni Denden
(Denden's dad is an architect)
[Denden] eh! bakit nasama tatay ko sa usapan niyo?
[Makoy] e di ba magtatayo ng tent dun sa bundok, kelangan andun tatay mo. Architect yun di ba?
[Mokong] totoo bang may lahi kayong mangyan?
[Denden] Hinde a! Ung mga mangyan may buntot ako wala
[Mokong] totoo ba yun?
[Denden] yung buntot nila yung bahag, basta ang tawag sa buntot bahag pero bahag yun
[Mokong] Baka ang gusto mong sabihin e bahag ang buntot nila.
[Makoy] (Binatukan si Denden) gago ka talaga!
[Mokong] Pag nakabahag ba Mangyan na yun? e Pano naman mga igorot? Di ba nakabahag din sila?
[Denden] Yung mga nakabahag sa Mindoro, yun yung mangyan
[Mokong] Ibig mong sabihin yung mga Igorot na nasa Mindoro, mangyan ang tawag dun? (grunts)
[Denden] Oo tapos yung mga mangyan na nasa Baguio Igorot ang tawag dun
[Makoy] ulol!
[Denden] Mamaya papanoorin namin yung Freddy VS. Jason. saan ba galing na pelikula yung si Freddy?
[Makoy] Friday the 13th
[Denden] e! hindi kaya, Freddy siya e dapat yung pelikula niya may Freddy din, ba't si Jason, Jason goes to hell.
[Mokong] Bakit sa Shake, Rattle and Roll ba may character na ang pangalan e shake o kaya rattle?
[Denden] Wala, e Filipino movie yun e,
HuH!?!
[Denden] e kung Friday the 13th talaga galing si Freddy anu-ano yung mga title ng pelikula niya?
[Mokong] yung Part 2 Friday the 14th
[Makoy] yung part 3 Friday the 15th
[Denden] Bale ilan lahat?
[Mokong] sunod sunod yun e bale hanggang 31 ata.
[Denden] (nagko-compute) 31 minus 13...
[Mokong] cannot be borrow 1 from 3 bring down 11 remainder 7 = 18
[Denden] 18 lahat? e di hindi pa ako pinapanganak meron na nun?
[Makoy] Oo matagal na yun
[Denden] E di matanda na yung gumanap kay Freddy? Sino nga pala gumanap kay Freddy?
[Mokong] Si Freddy Aguilar
[Makoy] Soundtrack nga nung una yung Kanta nyang Anak?
[Denden] Anak niya si Jason?
Isa pang malaking HuH!?!
...Something is really wrong with you!
**11*09**
Santa Claus, my Santa Claus!
I was about to brush my teeth this morning when the air was filled with a Christmas song by that eerie guy Jose Mari Chan.
Up until now I never thought the merry holidays has finally arrived.
I always hated Christmas.
Not for the reason why we celebrate it but for the feeling I get during that time of the year.
And now I'm about to face another might be-would be saddest Christmas ever.
(knocks on wood) ...If she doesn't come back.
Hear me out Fat Guy!
I want no presents, I don't need precious gifts.
You can keep that new replay jeans and give it to that guy on the steps of Morayta overpass.
You can tell the elves not to shop for a new pair of diesel shoes.
and no! I don't want a T-Mac 3.
I'll pass up on that Presto too.
I'll pull your sleigh and brush your beard everyday. You can get me to hang out with your reindeers to if you want.
I'll feed 'em bath 'em and shine Rudolph's nose too!
Just bring her back to me...
That would me happy.
Real happy.
Rain fell at 10:12 am
[Mokong] Dapat tuloy tayo sa sabado umakyat ng bundok e
[Makoy] Sama ko tapos sama natin tatay ni Denden
(Denden's dad is an architect)
[Denden] eh! bakit nasama tatay ko sa usapan niyo?
[Makoy] e di ba magtatayo ng tent dun sa bundok, kelangan andun tatay mo. Architect yun di ba?
[Mokong] totoo bang may lahi kayong mangyan?
[Denden] Hinde a! Ung mga mangyan may buntot ako wala
[Mokong] totoo ba yun?
[Denden] yung buntot nila yung bahag, basta ang tawag sa buntot bahag pero bahag yun
[Mokong] Baka ang gusto mong sabihin e bahag ang buntot nila.
[Makoy] (Binatukan si Denden) gago ka talaga!
[Mokong] Pag nakabahag ba Mangyan na yun? e Pano naman mga igorot? Di ba nakabahag din sila?
[Denden] Yung mga nakabahag sa Mindoro, yun yung mangyan
[Mokong] Ibig mong sabihin yung mga Igorot na nasa Mindoro, mangyan ang tawag dun? (grunts)
[Denden] Oo tapos yung mga mangyan na nasa Baguio Igorot ang tawag dun
[Makoy] ulol!
[Denden] Mamaya papanoorin namin yung Freddy VS. Jason. saan ba galing na pelikula yung si Freddy?
[Makoy] Friday the 13th
[Denden] e! hindi kaya, Freddy siya e dapat yung pelikula niya may Freddy din, ba't si Jason, Jason goes to hell.
[Mokong] Bakit sa Shake, Rattle and Roll ba may character na ang pangalan e shake o kaya rattle?
[Denden] Wala, e Filipino movie yun e,
HuH!?!
[Denden] e kung Friday the 13th talaga galing si Freddy anu-ano yung mga title ng pelikula niya?
[Mokong] yung Part 2 Friday the 14th
[Makoy] yung part 3 Friday the 15th
[Denden] Bale ilan lahat?
[Mokong] sunod sunod yun e bale hanggang 31 ata.
[Denden] (nagko-compute) 31 minus 13...
[Mokong] cannot be borrow 1 from 3 bring down 11 remainder 7 = 18
[Denden] 18 lahat? e di hindi pa ako pinapanganak meron na nun?
[Makoy] Oo matagal na yun
[Denden] E di matanda na yung gumanap kay Freddy? Sino nga pala gumanap kay Freddy?
[Mokong] Si Freddy Aguilar
[Makoy] Soundtrack nga nung una yung Kanta nyang Anak?
[Denden] Anak niya si Jason?
Isa pang malaking HuH!?!
...Something is really wrong with you!
**11*09**
Santa Claus, my Santa Claus!
I was about to brush my teeth this morning when the air was filled with a Christmas song by that eerie guy Jose Mari Chan.
Up until now I never thought the merry holidays has finally arrived.
I always hated Christmas.
Not for the reason why we celebrate it but for the feeling I get during that time of the year.
And now I'm about to face another might be-would be saddest Christmas ever.
(knocks on wood) ...If she doesn't come back.
Hear me out Fat Guy!
I want no presents, I don't need precious gifts.
You can keep that new replay jeans and give it to that guy on the steps of Morayta overpass.
You can tell the elves not to shop for a new pair of diesel shoes.
and no! I don't want a T-Mac 3.
I'll pass up on that Presto too.
I'll pull your sleigh and brush your beard everyday. You can get me to hang out with your reindeers to if you want.
I'll feed 'em bath 'em and shine Rudolph's nose too!
Just bring her back to me...
That would me happy.
Real happy.
Rain fell at 10:12 am
Friday, October 24, 2003
The Pact
When 2 desperate and wounded people collide, often they would try to find comfort from each other, I guess I didn't find that much comfort with her.. I found a companion... here's the story...
the_crow: tingin ko me problema ka lang sa sorting
ang3ley3s_15: wag nalang
ang3ley3s_15:
the_crow: saka discernment
ang3ley3s_15: pero wag na
ang3ley3s_15: yko na
ang3ley3s_15: dalang dala nako
the_crow: ako din yan ang sabi ko nun
the_crow: saka naiisip ko pag di kme nagkaayos ganun na lng din
ang3ley3s_15: tapos?
the_crow: ayoko na din
the_crow: hang out na lang tayo nina abi plage
ang3ley3s_15: hehe
ang3ley3s_15: oo nga
ang3ley3s_15: either mag law pa ako o aviation
the_crow: tapos pag mga 30 yrs old na tapos wala pa din tayo asawa tayong 2 na lng. say mo?
ang3ley3s_15: hehehe
ang3ley3s_15: sige ba
the_crow: seryoso ako promise
ang3ley3s_15: oo nga
the_crow: talaga lang ha...
the_crow: hinde usapang lasing
the_crow: tang-ina
ang3ley3s_15: hindi nga to usapang lasing
the_crow: sana by that time lawyer na ako para me pakain KO SAU
ang3ley3s_15: by that time, either politiko nako o piloto
the_crow: HUH?!?
the_crow: di tyo mgkakasundo
ang3ley3s_15: baket
the_crow: ako dapat yun e
the_crow: plitiko
ang3ley3s_15: yung?
ang3ley3s_15: at baket?
the_crow: kse un ang linya ko
the_crow: AB Pol SCi po ako
ang3ley3s_15: ab eco ako
ang3ley3s_15: ok na yun
ang3ley3s_15: ang ab pre-law talaga
the_crow: sge pwde naman pag-usapan yan e
ang3ley3s_15: haha
the_crow: i'l take your word talaga
ang3ley3s_15: gusto ko ng bailey's now na!!
the_crow: parang pact
ang3ley3s_15: oo nga
ang3ley3s_15: yup
ang3ley3s_15: save mo na to sa computer mo
the_crow: ipopost ko sa blog ko
ang3ley3s_15: sige
I'll hold you to it... until that day...
Rain fell at 12:54 pm
When 2 desperate and wounded people collide, often they would try to find comfort from each other, I guess I didn't find that much comfort with her.. I found a companion... here's the story...
the_crow: tingin ko me problema ka lang sa sorting
ang3ley3s_15: wag nalang
ang3ley3s_15:
the_crow: saka discernment
ang3ley3s_15: pero wag na
ang3ley3s_15: yko na
ang3ley3s_15: dalang dala nako
the_crow: ako din yan ang sabi ko nun
the_crow: saka naiisip ko pag di kme nagkaayos ganun na lng din
ang3ley3s_15: tapos?
the_crow: ayoko na din
the_crow: hang out na lang tayo nina abi plage
ang3ley3s_15: hehe
ang3ley3s_15: oo nga
ang3ley3s_15: either mag law pa ako o aviation
the_crow: tapos pag mga 30 yrs old na tapos wala pa din tayo asawa tayong 2 na lng. say mo?
ang3ley3s_15: hehehe
ang3ley3s_15: sige ba
the_crow: seryoso ako promise
ang3ley3s_15: oo nga
the_crow: talaga lang ha...
the_crow: hinde usapang lasing
the_crow: tang-ina
ang3ley3s_15: hindi nga to usapang lasing
the_crow: sana by that time lawyer na ako para me pakain KO SAU
ang3ley3s_15: by that time, either politiko nako o piloto
the_crow: HUH?!?
the_crow: di tyo mgkakasundo
ang3ley3s_15: baket
the_crow: ako dapat yun e
the_crow: plitiko
ang3ley3s_15: yung?
ang3ley3s_15: at baket?
the_crow: kse un ang linya ko
the_crow: AB Pol SCi po ako
ang3ley3s_15: ab eco ako
ang3ley3s_15: ok na yun
ang3ley3s_15: ang ab pre-law talaga
the_crow: sge pwde naman pag-usapan yan e
ang3ley3s_15: haha
the_crow: i'l take your word talaga
ang3ley3s_15: gusto ko ng bailey's now na!!
the_crow: parang pact
ang3ley3s_15: oo nga
ang3ley3s_15: yup
ang3ley3s_15: save mo na to sa computer mo
the_crow: ipopost ko sa blog ko
ang3ley3s_15: sige
I'll hold you to it... until that day...
Rain fell at 12:54 pm
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Bubbles
Jeff and I were waiting for deyey and lunacy at FCM when I saw a kid playing with bubbles. I couldn't resist the urge... I bought one from dunkin donuts and I started pissing people of, ?!?,. It was fun, People would see bubbles coming from nowhere, some tried tracing the source.. you can imagine how stunned they were seein' a fully grown kid playin' with bubbles... oh the laughs!
Sometimes I want to be like a bubble, I'd just fly and play with the wind and "POP!!!" Jeff had an antithesis though, IT would be like you're in the middle in something great and suddenly disappear. I don't mind though... like what Kurt said "It's better to burn out than fade away"
Happiness has always been like that for the whole of my 23 years in this fucked-up world. One second it's there and then it's gone... in a flash... Never even lingered or tried sitting in my sofa. It's like Hello and Goodbye was one word.
Better be like a bubble, fly and not linger, let the wind take you for an instant and pop...
**11*09**
The Birthday Girl
lunacy threw us a party filled with sisig, calamares, pancit canton and san mig light. We even got to play bball with kids at K-Ville where the voodoo child concocts her potions and chants her spells at the playground.
'twas fun! you've been together for just 2 weeks and it seems like you've known each other forever. That's why I wanna thank you for the bash!... Advance HAppy Birthday po!
Rain fell at 1:30 pm
Jeff and I were waiting for deyey and lunacy at FCM when I saw a kid playing with bubbles. I couldn't resist the urge... I bought one from dunkin donuts and I started pissing people of, ?!?,. It was fun, People would see bubbles coming from nowhere, some tried tracing the source.. you can imagine how stunned they were seein' a fully grown kid playin' with bubbles... oh the laughs!
Sometimes I want to be like a bubble, I'd just fly and play with the wind and "POP!!!" Jeff had an antithesis though, IT would be like you're in the middle in something great and suddenly disappear. I don't mind though... like what Kurt said "It's better to burn out than fade away"
Happiness has always been like that for the whole of my 23 years in this fucked-up world. One second it's there and then it's gone... in a flash... Never even lingered or tried sitting in my sofa. It's like Hello and Goodbye was one word.
Better be like a bubble, fly and not linger, let the wind take you for an instant and pop...
**11*09**
The Birthday Girl
lunacy threw us a party filled with sisig, calamares, pancit canton and san mig light. We even got to play bball with kids at K-Ville where the voodoo child concocts her potions and chants her spells at the playground.
'twas fun! you've been together for just 2 weeks and it seems like you've known each other forever. That's why I wanna thank you for the bash!... Advance HAppy Birthday po!
Rain fell at 1:30 pm
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
ultimate mind boggler
I got this email from a good friend back in college, made me think bigtime
"hi there!
just read some of your poems, and things that you have in mind.
alis na sana ko pero i want you to contemplate on this, objectively.
jay, think about this:
what if si God katulad rin naten mga tao [ is just like us ], anyway He's the one who said it - we are created in His image...
pano kung katulad rin naten di Nya pinapansin ang mga taong di naman Nya talaga kilala, mga taong di naman Nya ka ano-ano, mga taong wala naman syang relasyon...[ what if like us,He doesn't pay attention to people that He doesn't know]
words from the little prince:
lil prince: what do you mean tame?
fox: it means to establish ties, one only understands the one he tames...
hope you'll be able to tame God, so He'll have the chance to tame you. im sure He's very eager to give you all the things thats good for you.
i want you to be happy... i really do. sana sa susunod ibang jay naman ang makakausap ko..."
I know I haven't been that kind of friend I used to be, maybe I'm just so wounded I can't seem to feel anything else...
I've been thinking that same thought too, for the longest time I've wondered if He knows me and I'm beginning to feel that He doesn't even care I exist. But like I said, I'm tired of blaming Him for all the mishaps I've gone through...
and yeah, what if God aint so perfect after all?
**11*09**
Mush
and she also sent me this: MOst of you guys have probably read this or received this but I'm posting it anyway... ahhh!! mushy me!
THE ESSENCE OF TRUE LOVE
if you're afraid to love a person because of friendship, then you have choices, either to tell what you feel and let the love take place forever, or to hide the feeling under a friendship full of pretensions.
sometimes i've asked myself, what would make me happy? to think that i have everything else, i get what I want...then I realized it was YOU, too bad 'coz it's you i can't have...
love can never be so beautiful without friendship... one leads to another and the process is irreversible... the best of lovers are the greatest of friends!!!
love doesn't have to have a happy ending, because love doesn't have to end at all.
a man realized he wanted his love back not wanting to be hurt again. the girl said "no." the man cried out to God, "if it was meant to be, why did i lose her?" God replied, "you didn't lose her...you let her go!"
when you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be ahead, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits.
THINK OF THIS:
have you really cared for someone more than you expect?
have you ever tried to love him/her inspite of all the pain?
will you keep on loving him/her as he/she whispers someone else's name? will you???
true love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart...
when you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing. if you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using...
i like you because you're my friend, and because you are my friend i care, and because i care, i love you,
i don't love you because you are my friend, i love you because i do!
WHAT IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU THIS:
"don't believe in courtship. it's just a waste of time if i love a person, i'll tell her right away, but f or you i'll make an xception... just love me now, and i'll court you forever!"
never be afraid to fall in love. it may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance.
I’m sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so i'll let you go to find him/her and hope someday you'll see that the one true love you're looking for was the one who set you free...
ain't it funny we're trying to catch the attention of the one we think we love? we hardly notice the one we're really looking for was just there. you don't notice them 'till they are in the arms of someone else...
love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave... and you can never go without leaving your prints behind...
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
it's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride.
i can't choose who i'm going to love, but i also can't just love who chooses to love me...and you can't blame me in choosing to love you as much as i can't blame you for not learning to love me.
"how can i say goodbye to someone i never had? why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? why is that i miss someone i was never with and i ask why i love someone who's love was never mine?"
it's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds...but when these two worlds collide and become one, that's what you call...magic!
don't love a person like a flower because a flower dies in season. love them like a river because a river flows forever...
"love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again"
the most cruel thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall! (and vice versa!)
"Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, Dance like you do, when nobody is watching."
THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF TRUE LOVE...
Rain fell at 7:32 pm
I got this email from a good friend back in college, made me think bigtime
"hi there!
just read some of your poems, and things that you have in mind.
alis na sana ko pero i want you to contemplate on this, objectively.
jay, think about this:
what if si God katulad rin naten mga tao [ is just like us ], anyway He's the one who said it - we are created in His image...
pano kung katulad rin naten di Nya pinapansin ang mga taong di naman Nya talaga kilala, mga taong di naman Nya ka ano-ano, mga taong wala naman syang relasyon...[ what if like us,He doesn't pay attention to people that He doesn't know]
words from the little prince:
lil prince: what do you mean tame?
fox: it means to establish ties, one only understands the one he tames...
hope you'll be able to tame God, so He'll have the chance to tame you. im sure He's very eager to give you all the things thats good for you.
i want you to be happy... i really do. sana sa susunod ibang jay naman ang makakausap ko..."
I know I haven't been that kind of friend I used to be, maybe I'm just so wounded I can't seem to feel anything else...
I've been thinking that same thought too, for the longest time I've wondered if He knows me and I'm beginning to feel that He doesn't even care I exist. But like I said, I'm tired of blaming Him for all the mishaps I've gone through...
and yeah, what if God aint so perfect after all?
**11*09**
Mush
and she also sent me this: MOst of you guys have probably read this or received this but I'm posting it anyway... ahhh!! mushy me!
THE ESSENCE OF TRUE LOVE
if you're afraid to love a person because of friendship, then you have choices, either to tell what you feel and let the love take place forever, or to hide the feeling under a friendship full of pretensions.
sometimes i've asked myself, what would make me happy? to think that i have everything else, i get what I want...then I realized it was YOU, too bad 'coz it's you i can't have...
love can never be so beautiful without friendship... one leads to another and the process is irreversible... the best of lovers are the greatest of friends!!!
love doesn't have to have a happy ending, because love doesn't have to end at all.
a man realized he wanted his love back not wanting to be hurt again. the girl said "no." the man cried out to God, "if it was meant to be, why did i lose her?" God replied, "you didn't lose her...you let her go!"
when you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be ahead, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits.
THINK OF THIS:
have you really cared for someone more than you expect?
have you ever tried to love him/her inspite of all the pain?
will you keep on loving him/her as he/she whispers someone else's name? will you???
true love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart...
when you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing. if you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using...
i like you because you're my friend, and because you are my friend i care, and because i care, i love you,
i don't love you because you are my friend, i love you because i do!
WHAT IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU THIS:
"don't believe in courtship. it's just a waste of time if i love a person, i'll tell her right away, but f or you i'll make an xception... just love me now, and i'll court you forever!"
never be afraid to fall in love. it may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance.
I’m sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so i'll let you go to find him/her and hope someday you'll see that the one true love you're looking for was the one who set you free...
ain't it funny we're trying to catch the attention of the one we think we love? we hardly notice the one we're really looking for was just there. you don't notice them 'till they are in the arms of someone else...
love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave... and you can never go without leaving your prints behind...
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
it's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride.
i can't choose who i'm going to love, but i also can't just love who chooses to love me...and you can't blame me in choosing to love you as much as i can't blame you for not learning to love me.
"how can i say goodbye to someone i never had? why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? why is that i miss someone i was never with and i ask why i love someone who's love was never mine?"
it's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds...but when these two worlds collide and become one, that's what you call...magic!
don't love a person like a flower because a flower dies in season. love them like a river because a river flows forever...
"love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again"
the most cruel thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall! (and vice versa!)
"Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, Dance like you do, when nobody is watching."
THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF TRUE LOVE...
Rain fell at 7:32 pm
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Silent cry
...
can you hear me?
muffled cries...
of chill,
utter loneliness...
devour me,
dismember...
mumble...
and the clear
incessant pounding
of the heart
stops.
one last moan...
a farewell whisper.
fades away,
" I love you..."
you live.
**11*09**
Happy Silver Wedding Anniversary Mom and Dad...
**11*09**
Dead and Bloated
Stone Temple Pilots
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
I am trampled under sole of
another man's shoes
Guess I walked too softly
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me, somebody gave me,
somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
Rain fell at 2:09 pm
...
can you hear me?
muffled cries...
of chill,
utter loneliness...
devour me,
dismember...
mumble...
and the clear
incessant pounding
of the heart
stops.
one last moan...
a farewell whisper.
fades away,
" I love you..."
you live.
**11*09**
Happy Silver Wedding Anniversary Mom and Dad...
**11*09**
Dead and Bloated
Stone Temple Pilots
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
I am trampled under sole of
another man's shoes
Guess I walked too softly
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
Ohh yeah, and she says it's natural
I feel I've come of age
When she peeks I start to run
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
You can't swallow what I'm thinkin'
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I run through the world thinkin' 'bout tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout tomorrow
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me, somebody gave me,
somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed
Rain fell at 2:09 pm
Obnoxious
"Ayoko ng umiyak...
Magra-rap na lang ako"
[plays Pardon Me on the Mp3
11:14 am
**11*09**
Long day, fun day
Food trip, Late night chat, kicker booze
all this comes up if you hang out with the crib.
Catch the voodoo child tongue her spells,
and lunacy ties up with tales from the dark side of the heavens.
Rain will fall for sure.
Lunacy whispered:
"Who said that happiness is all about sunshine?
No one told you about dancing in the rain.."
*I'm selfless cold and composed.
[abi, steph, moe, jeff, ryan and cap..
long day fun day...]
*Ben Folds Five
Rain fell at 2:07 am
"Ayoko ng umiyak...
Magra-rap na lang ako"
[plays Pardon Me on the Mp3
11:14 am
**11*09**
Long day, fun day
Food trip, Late night chat, kicker booze
all this comes up if you hang out with the crib.
Catch the voodoo child tongue her spells,
and lunacy ties up with tales from the dark side of the heavens.
Rain will fall for sure.
Lunacy whispered:
"Who said that happiness is all about sunshine?
No one told you about dancing in the rain.."
*I'm selfless cold and composed.
[abi, steph, moe, jeff, ryan and cap..
long day fun day...]
*Ben Folds Five
Rain fell at 2:07 am
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Dead Poets Sunday
Dumb
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
I think I'm just happy
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
and hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover
have a hangover
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I think I'm dumb..
-Kurt Cobain, In Utero;1993
**11*09**
Wedding Blues
"We are all born for love.
It is the principle for existence.
and it's only end"
I went to my classmate's wedding yesterday, the groom's brother made a VTR for the couple and used this quote as it's intro theme. I melted right away. This spells that I shouldn't be around weddings for the time being.
I knew this would happen, it just feels so odd bein' around a happy couple. I sure am happy for Clang (the bride) it's just that the air was so full of love and happiness I couldn't help but awe in envy ad I know it's wrong.
And as if things wouldn't get any worse the room was suddenly lit by Adam Sandler's song from the Wedding Singer...
" I wanna make you smile..whenever you're sad.." That was it, I silently walked out of the room and stayed at the balcony.
My bestfriend from college joined my escape from near freaking out...
Incidentally, he too just broke off a 3 year relationship just when he thought that nothing can go wrong and forever wasn't too far away..
He broke the silence:
"Ang hirap no?!" He said
"Oo nga e, di ko matagalan sa loob"
He told me about what happened with him and her girl.
and he said: " ang hirap kse wala naman masyado problema, parang ang smooth ng paglipad niyo tapos bigla bibitawan ka nya, babagsak ka baldado, siya ok lang..."
I saw tears in his eyes, for the first time in the 6 years I've known him he tried to hide it from me.
I thought I saw a queue for applause from an imaginary crowd because I was able to spill my sentiments with him without shedding a tear.
But this time pain was eating up on me that I couldn't define what has been left of me.
and I'm tired of blaming Him, not that because I know it's wrong but because He doesn't take credit nor deny. Or maybe He can't hear me...
"Don't lose hope" yeah, keep telling that to yourself.
**11*09**
Invisible wall
For over 2 months I've created an invisible wall. I tried so hard to build.
It stood on it's ground at Lerma, and it's long lonely walls extends to Taft Avenue.
I also built an annex wall around Makati.
Little did I know that reuniting with my old buddies from college at the wedding would lead me or more appropriately drag me through and over these walls.
My heart was pounding like mad when I entered SM Manila.
I begged for us to go to SM north instead but my pleas were useless.
and I ended up seeing those streets again.
Pedro Gil.
Nakpil.
Remedios.
I was afraid I'd see her and I wouldn't know what to do.
We went to this gay infected place called Bassilica for some laughs.
I had some fun, I'd say 'twas nice seein' my batchmates again.
but I miss her...
for the nth time...
I cry to the south wind... I miss her, please come back.
Rain fell at 12:06 pm
Dumb
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
I think I'm just happy
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
and hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover
have a hangover
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I think I'm dumb..
-Kurt Cobain, In Utero;1993
**11*09**
Wedding Blues
"We are all born for love.
It is the principle for existence.
and it's only end"
I went to my classmate's wedding yesterday, the groom's brother made a VTR for the couple and used this quote as it's intro theme. I melted right away. This spells that I shouldn't be around weddings for the time being.
I knew this would happen, it just feels so odd bein' around a happy couple. I sure am happy for Clang (the bride) it's just that the air was so full of love and happiness I couldn't help but awe in envy ad I know it's wrong.
And as if things wouldn't get any worse the room was suddenly lit by Adam Sandler's song from the Wedding Singer...
" I wanna make you smile..whenever you're sad.." That was it, I silently walked out of the room and stayed at the balcony.
My bestfriend from college joined my escape from near freaking out...
Incidentally, he too just broke off a 3 year relationship just when he thought that nothing can go wrong and forever wasn't too far away..
He broke the silence:
"Ang hirap no?!" He said
"Oo nga e, di ko matagalan sa loob"
He told me about what happened with him and her girl.
and he said: " ang hirap kse wala naman masyado problema, parang ang smooth ng paglipad niyo tapos bigla bibitawan ka nya, babagsak ka baldado, siya ok lang..."
I saw tears in his eyes, for the first time in the 6 years I've known him he tried to hide it from me.
I thought I saw a queue for applause from an imaginary crowd because I was able to spill my sentiments with him without shedding a tear.
But this time pain was eating up on me that I couldn't define what has been left of me.
and I'm tired of blaming Him, not that because I know it's wrong but because He doesn't take credit nor deny. Or maybe He can't hear me...
"Don't lose hope" yeah, keep telling that to yourself.
**11*09**
Invisible wall
For over 2 months I've created an invisible wall. I tried so hard to build.
It stood on it's ground at Lerma, and it's long lonely walls extends to Taft Avenue.
I also built an annex wall around Makati.
Little did I know that reuniting with my old buddies from college at the wedding would lead me or more appropriately drag me through and over these walls.
My heart was pounding like mad when I entered SM Manila.
I begged for us to go to SM north instead but my pleas were useless.
and I ended up seeing those streets again.
Pedro Gil.
Nakpil.
Remedios.
I was afraid I'd see her and I wouldn't know what to do.
We went to this gay infected place called Bassilica for some laughs.
I had some fun, I'd say 'twas nice seein' my batchmates again.
but I miss her...
for the nth time...
I cry to the south wind... I miss her, please come back.
Rain fell at 12:06 pm
Saturday, October 18, 2003
The Gatecrasher
Yesterday, I tagged along with a friend to a birthday party and I ended up with a microphone and a band singing for the birthday celebrant. It was weird because I hardly even know the people there but I can't describe the feeling I had when I stepped in front of the crowd and grabbed the microphone.
When I finished the first song, Passenger Seat, the crowd cheered for one more so I asked the band if they can play Through the Fire, the keyboard player nodded and I sang again... Cool!
A gay guy stepped in and held a handkerchief to wipe the sweat on my forehead... gross!
We arrived there way before the band showed up and I kept on greeting everyone who passed by our table "Happy Birthday po!" and they would say "Ay hindi ako yung may birthday".
I heard one of them say "Sino ba yun?" "Barkada ni Jhe me topak ata!" Would you believe that after I sang, they al went in chorus and said "Happy Birthday, galeng mo pala kumanta!"
Funny how people would suddenly turn into warm accomodating people from being cold and proud...
all wanna say is...I miss singing with my band...
**11*09**
Bush Is Coming! The fuss?!
President George Bush is coming to town and Cngress is busy repainting its walls.
This morning's news talk about PSG's canine dogs, Belgian Mallinois that costs 1.2 million each.
The palace also had renovations and paintings for the almighty's visit.
Reminds me of Bapor Tabo from Rizal's El Fili.
Cover the rusts with paint, to hide the rotten apples with golden yellow pears...
Sad, so sad.
I mean there's nothing wrong with coming clean and aesthetics suddenly entering the minds of politicians, what's sad though is that if it weren't for Bush, they wouldn't have thought of recoating that old building in Batasan.
Besides the fact that there are other urgent pressing matters that needs their attention...
What's wrong with you people!?!
Rain fell at 9:58 am
Yesterday, I tagged along with a friend to a birthday party and I ended up with a microphone and a band singing for the birthday celebrant. It was weird because I hardly even know the people there but I can't describe the feeling I had when I stepped in front of the crowd and grabbed the microphone.
When I finished the first song, Passenger Seat, the crowd cheered for one more so I asked the band if they can play Through the Fire, the keyboard player nodded and I sang again... Cool!
A gay guy stepped in and held a handkerchief to wipe the sweat on my forehead... gross!
We arrived there way before the band showed up and I kept on greeting everyone who passed by our table "Happy Birthday po!" and they would say "Ay hindi ako yung may birthday".
I heard one of them say "Sino ba yun?" "Barkada ni Jhe me topak ata!" Would you believe that after I sang, they al went in chorus and said "Happy Birthday, galeng mo pala kumanta!"
Funny how people would suddenly turn into warm accomodating people from being cold and proud...
all wanna say is...I miss singing with my band...
**11*09**
Bush Is Coming! The fuss?!
President George Bush is coming to town and Cngress is busy repainting its walls.
This morning's news talk about PSG's canine dogs, Belgian Mallinois that costs 1.2 million each.
The palace also had renovations and paintings for the almighty's visit.
Reminds me of Bapor Tabo from Rizal's El Fili.
Cover the rusts with paint, to hide the rotten apples with golden yellow pears...
Sad, so sad.
I mean there's nothing wrong with coming clean and aesthetics suddenly entering the minds of politicians, what's sad though is that if it weren't for Bush, they wouldn't have thought of recoating that old building in Batasan.
Besides the fact that there are other urgent pressing matters that needs their attention...
What's wrong with you people!?!
Rain fell at 9:58 am
Friday, October 17, 2003
Wait and Bleed
People talk about love like its magic, like its supposed to be the most wonderful feeling anyone would ever know... and I guess it is, and it is not at the same time. When one falls in love its not always magical, nor a trip to seventh heaven. Love isn't always about bliss or a 15 minute kiss... sometimes it's a thorn stuck on your neck and you cannot just simply pull it off because you might bleed to death... sometimes love really hurts.
One knows that he's really in love when he is willing to do everything for the sake of the one he loves, when he is ready to risk all of him for that one great love to survive. They say love strives in hurting, the question is- does it have to hurt all the time? When you find someone you know you really love and loves you back is it worth the pain? I have always looked at love as something worth dying for, in the same light that I live for it. But does it really mean that you have to let go if it brings you more pain than joy?
A part of me tells me that I should let go, that I should stop hoping that she'll come back to take me in her arms again. My friends keep telling me that I should move on and leave it all behind. But that empty space in me yearns for her, aches for her still. I want to drain every ounce of it and give it all for her so I could tell myself that I didn't go down without a fight. Then maybe one day she'll remember. "I once met a man who gave everything for me but I left him, but he told me that I can always come running back to him" And she doesn't have to be the one running back. All she has to do is call my name. And I'll be there to take her again.
People talk about love like it's magic, like it's supposed to be the most wonderful feeling anyone would ever know. It is and is not at the same time. I know it now. It's a gamble and no one can guarantee you will win. You can bleed to death but it's worth it for love is life in all its aspects. You miss love and you miss life.
I wouldn't want to miss it. Not for anything else in this world.
Rain fell at 12:27 am
**11*09**
Text
I had another dream of her again.
It was so real, I almost felt happy again.
In my dream I so a text message on my dad's phone and it was her. She said she misses me and she's asking for my new landline number.
I didn't see her in my dream but the message was enough to make me float in elation.
God I wish it was real...
**11*09**
An open letter to the most high
Dear God,
They say that you never fail to answer our prayers, and that most times when we feel that you didn't heed our call the answer was "No". For 2 years I've prayed and asked you not to take her away from me, not this time, not anymore.
I can't understand why you would give me someone that I've grown to love and need only to wake up one day you've taken it all away like it was never there.
"Perhaps there are reasons..." others would say, reasons that reason itself cannot understand.
I do not ask for you divine interference whichever you wanna call it. I just want you to tell her that I'm still here, waiting for her to take me back.
My life has gone in disarray, and I'm sorry because I told her I'd be strong for her but I'm too weak to try to be strong.
Will you help me?
When will I ever get you to say "yes"?
Please send me a sign.
and Please watch over her for me...
**11*09**
Rest
This is for Cristina... I'm sorry about what happened to your brother...
We're just one click away... you're never alone.
Hush
Sleep now
little one,
close your
eyes and claim
your rest.
this world
does not
compare
to the place
where your
slumber
will take you.
Hush now
my brother.
the light
will take
you away.
And though forever
you'll be gone
to fly
to a distant
land.
you're
never far;
never far
from
my heart...
Rain fell at 11:07 am
People talk about love like its magic, like its supposed to be the most wonderful feeling anyone would ever know... and I guess it is, and it is not at the same time. When one falls in love its not always magical, nor a trip to seventh heaven. Love isn't always about bliss or a 15 minute kiss... sometimes it's a thorn stuck on your neck and you cannot just simply pull it off because you might bleed to death... sometimes love really hurts.
One knows that he's really in love when he is willing to do everything for the sake of the one he loves, when he is ready to risk all of him for that one great love to survive. They say love strives in hurting, the question is- does it have to hurt all the time? When you find someone you know you really love and loves you back is it worth the pain? I have always looked at love as something worth dying for, in the same light that I live for it. But does it really mean that you have to let go if it brings you more pain than joy?
A part of me tells me that I should let go, that I should stop hoping that she'll come back to take me in her arms again. My friends keep telling me that I should move on and leave it all behind. But that empty space in me yearns for her, aches for her still. I want to drain every ounce of it and give it all for her so I could tell myself that I didn't go down without a fight. Then maybe one day she'll remember. "I once met a man who gave everything for me but I left him, but he told me that I can always come running back to him" And she doesn't have to be the one running back. All she has to do is call my name. And I'll be there to take her again.
People talk about love like it's magic, like it's supposed to be the most wonderful feeling anyone would ever know. It is and is not at the same time. I know it now. It's a gamble and no one can guarantee you will win. You can bleed to death but it's worth it for love is life in all its aspects. You miss love and you miss life.
I wouldn't want to miss it. Not for anything else in this world.
Rain fell at 12:27 am
**11*09**
Text
I had another dream of her again.
It was so real, I almost felt happy again.
In my dream I so a text message on my dad's phone and it was her. She said she misses me and she's asking for my new landline number.
I didn't see her in my dream but the message was enough to make me float in elation.
God I wish it was real...
**11*09**
An open letter to the most high
Dear God,
They say that you never fail to answer our prayers, and that most times when we feel that you didn't heed our call the answer was "No". For 2 years I've prayed and asked you not to take her away from me, not this time, not anymore.
I can't understand why you would give me someone that I've grown to love and need only to wake up one day you've taken it all away like it was never there.
"Perhaps there are reasons..." others would say, reasons that reason itself cannot understand.
I do not ask for you divine interference whichever you wanna call it. I just want you to tell her that I'm still here, waiting for her to take me back.
My life has gone in disarray, and I'm sorry because I told her I'd be strong for her but I'm too weak to try to be strong.
Will you help me?
When will I ever get you to say "yes"?
Please send me a sign.
and Please watch over her for me...
**11*09**
Rest
This is for Cristina... I'm sorry about what happened to your brother...
We're just one click away... you're never alone.
Hush
Sleep now
little one,
close your
eyes and claim
your rest.
this world
does not
compare
to the place
where your
slumber
will take you.
Hush now
my brother.
the light
will take
you away.
And though forever
you'll be gone
to fly
to a distant
land.
you're
never far;
never far
from
my heart...
Rain fell at 11:07 am
Thursday, October 16, 2003
The Walls of My Room
The walls of my room are painted blue, it blends with the color of sorrow, matches my shade of grief.
The walls of my room offer no solace but a garrison I retreat into when I'm tired of my own battles.
The walls of my room are cold and stonedeaf, it doesn't hear me cry nor does it care or pay attention and reminds me how lonely life can be.
The walls of my room are the echoes of my thousand sighs and the million whys I've asked myself over and over again.
The walls of my room are scattered with pictures of your face that fades out with the darkness of the night.
The walls of my room tells me that I'm alone and lets in the rain from outside and into my eyes again...
...and I know that only you can break through these walls.
**11*09**
Ang daya
Last night lunacy was at the end of the other line... and she silently listened to my every rant:
"Ang daya daya.
Madaya kse siya lagi ang laman ng isip mo paggising mo sa umaga hanggang sa pagtulog andun siya. Pero siya kaya, sumasagi ka man lang ba sa isip niya?
Madaya kse ikaw andito naghihintay ni hindi mo alam kung me hinihintay ka pa, baka wala na pala.
Madaya kse alam mo na kahit ano mangyari siya pa din para sa'yo kahit pa hindi siya bumalik pero siya alam niya na andyan ka lang naghihintay. Ang daya...
Madaya kse ikaw hilam na hilam na ang mata mo sa sarili mong luha pero siya hindi mo alam baka nakatawa, nagpaparty dahil wala ka na.
Lunacy stayed silent the whole time and only now did I realize that.. Yes it is so unfair, but who said that it's gonna be fair?
Oo madaya, pero alam mo sa sarili mo na ikaw ang pumili niyan, hindi ka nya pinilit na isipin siya, umasa o maghintay at lalong hindi niya sinabi sa'yo na lumuha ka.
Nandyan ka kse pinili mong lumaban at kung sakali man na matalo ka at least masasabi mo sa sarili mo na ibinigay mo lahat. Kaya lang talunan ka lang talaga."
Ganun siguro yun.
Unfair.
**11*09**
Star
Razorback
I've been trying so hard to make two ends meet.
My head in the clouds I can't conceal
conceit.
I try to justify your look, bewitched eye.
Am I shining grightly on a falsified sky?
And I try so hard just to be like you.
And I'm just a star, and I'll fade away too
. . . ..like you.
You'll see me as I am but I'm empty inside.
We'll suck each other in the blackhole that
is life.
I can be a fallen star, not fallen from grace.
One plane, one world, one sky, so me don't
alienate.
And I try so hard just to be like you.
And I'm just a star, and I'll fade away too
. . . ..like you.
Blind, you will see.
Star that is me.
Rain fell at 11:45 am
The walls of my room are painted blue, it blends with the color of sorrow, matches my shade of grief.
The walls of my room offer no solace but a garrison I retreat into when I'm tired of my own battles.
The walls of my room are cold and stonedeaf, it doesn't hear me cry nor does it care or pay attention and reminds me how lonely life can be.
The walls of my room are the echoes of my thousand sighs and the million whys I've asked myself over and over again.
The walls of my room are scattered with pictures of your face that fades out with the darkness of the night.
The walls of my room tells me that I'm alone and lets in the rain from outside and into my eyes again...
...and I know that only you can break through these walls.
**11*09**
Ang daya
Last night lunacy was at the end of the other line... and she silently listened to my every rant:
"Ang daya daya.
Madaya kse siya lagi ang laman ng isip mo paggising mo sa umaga hanggang sa pagtulog andun siya. Pero siya kaya, sumasagi ka man lang ba sa isip niya?
Madaya kse ikaw andito naghihintay ni hindi mo alam kung me hinihintay ka pa, baka wala na pala.
Madaya kse alam mo na kahit ano mangyari siya pa din para sa'yo kahit pa hindi siya bumalik pero siya alam niya na andyan ka lang naghihintay. Ang daya...
Madaya kse ikaw hilam na hilam na ang mata mo sa sarili mong luha pero siya hindi mo alam baka nakatawa, nagpaparty dahil wala ka na.
Lunacy stayed silent the whole time and only now did I realize that.. Yes it is so unfair, but who said that it's gonna be fair?
Oo madaya, pero alam mo sa sarili mo na ikaw ang pumili niyan, hindi ka nya pinilit na isipin siya, umasa o maghintay at lalong hindi niya sinabi sa'yo na lumuha ka.
Nandyan ka kse pinili mong lumaban at kung sakali man na matalo ka at least masasabi mo sa sarili mo na ibinigay mo lahat. Kaya lang talunan ka lang talaga."
Ganun siguro yun.
Unfair.
**11*09**
Star
Razorback
I've been trying so hard to make two ends meet.
My head in the clouds I can't conceal
conceit.
I try to justify your look, bewitched eye.
Am I shining grightly on a falsified sky?
And I try so hard just to be like you.
And I'm just a star, and I'll fade away too
. . . ..like you.
You'll see me as I am but I'm empty inside.
We'll suck each other in the blackhole that
is life.
I can be a fallen star, not fallen from grace.
One plane, one world, one sky, so me don't
alienate.
And I try so hard just to be like you.
And I'm just a star, and I'll fade away too
. . . ..like you.
Blind, you will see.
Star that is me.
Rain fell at 11:45 am
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Casper
While walking on the streets on a foggy night...
[Makoy] Ang mga multo ba nagtataguan?
[Mokong] Hindi e, baka kse magkaasaran lang sila.
[Makoy] Bakit naman?
[Mokong] Siyempre mahihirapan sila maghanapan, lugi yung taya.
[Makoy] Oo nga no. E lahat ba ng multo kilala si Casper?
[Mokong] Hinde. Di naman totoo na friendly si Casper e, suplado nga yun saka mahirap hanapin.
[Makoy] May multo bang sumusunod satin?
[Mokong] uhmm...
[Makoy] (tumakbo tas sabay nagtago sa likod ni Mokong) halika dali, iligaw natin sila!
run and hide... like they won't find you.
**11*09**
Love to...
I'd really love to hate you but I can't
I hate loving you and I know I'm lying
I know I'm lying because I love you still.
I'd love to not love you and just hate you.
But I can't.
I just can't...
Rain fell at 12:17 pm
While walking on the streets on a foggy night...
[Makoy] Ang mga multo ba nagtataguan?
[Mokong] Hindi e, baka kse magkaasaran lang sila.
[Makoy] Bakit naman?
[Mokong] Siyempre mahihirapan sila maghanapan, lugi yung taya.
[Makoy] Oo nga no. E lahat ba ng multo kilala si Casper?
[Mokong] Hinde. Di naman totoo na friendly si Casper e, suplado nga yun saka mahirap hanapin.
[Makoy] May multo bang sumusunod satin?
[Mokong] uhmm...
[Makoy] (tumakbo tas sabay nagtago sa likod ni Mokong) halika dali, iligaw natin sila!
run and hide... like they won't find you.
**11*09**
Love to...
I'd really love to hate you but I can't
I hate loving you and I know I'm lying
I know I'm lying because I love you still.
I'd love to not love you and just hate you.
But I can't.
I just can't...
Rain fell at 12:17 pm
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Voodoo Child
So the voodoo child was a fairy princess after all...
and she likes dogs and cuddles and treats them like she's one of their own...
She threw us some popcorn and popped me a bottle of kampai
'Twas nice meeting you though I know I freaked you out a bit.
**11*09**
What if?
What if you are never coming back?
and I've been holding on to a love that has long died out?
Does love really fade?
No.
Because if it does then why does my heart still ache for you...
I can only wait in vain.
Rain fell at 10:16 am
So the voodoo child was a fairy princess after all...
and she likes dogs and cuddles and treats them like she's one of their own...
She threw us some popcorn and popped me a bottle of kampai
'Twas nice meeting you though I know I freaked you out a bit.
**11*09**
What if?
What if you are never coming back?
and I've been holding on to a love that has long died out?
Does love really fade?
No.
Because if it does then why does my heart still ache for you...
I can only wait in vain.
Rain fell at 10:16 am
Monday, October 13, 2003
Monologue
Am I talking to me?
I can't hear me.
I could be in some other realm
Unearthly, but I ain't no ghost.
I'm just a void.
Yeah that's what I am.
And I could be that monster
that monster in your dream
I ain't goin to be Sully.
Or Mike.
I'm gonna be the one
that creeps from under your bed.
Pretty scary.
Yet less hairy.
Like the tooth fairy.
I'm goin' to pull your teeth.
Never fear the inevitable
there's nothing more painful than pain.
Live, empty
Wound me deep.
Pain is my power.
Rain fell at 11:25 pm
Am I talking to me?
I can't hear me.
I could be in some other realm
Unearthly, but I ain't no ghost.
I'm just a void.
Yeah that's what I am.
And I could be that monster
that monster in your dream
I ain't goin to be Sully.
Or Mike.
I'm gonna be the one
that creeps from under your bed.
Pretty scary.
Yet less hairy.
Like the tooth fairy.
I'm goin' to pull your teeth.
Never fear the inevitable
there's nothing more painful than pain.
Live, empty
Wound me deep.
Pain is my power.
Rain fell at 11:25 pm
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Ask yourself
Why are you here?
Why do you keep coming back to this very same spot?
Does my pain amuse you? Would it disappoint you to know that I'm finally happy? That she's finally back in my arms and my dark skies have at last turned blue?
Or is it because you feel for me, you see me in you and it brings you a sense of comfort that you're not alone in your misery?
Human nature?
The ever lasting want to belong and be held, the eternal crave to feel wanted and accepted.
Pathetic?
I guess not.
Then why are we all here?
What drives us to write and tell the whole world our innermost thoughts, fears, failures, desires, losses and gains.
Not for sympathy, admiration, fame or recognition.
Our voice is too soft to be heard, our cries are too faint to be pacified.
But because we feel.
And it's enough that you're there. No pretensions. Just mere presence and the essence it encompasses will always be second to none.
We're here to stay sane, that all this wounds we've all endured will one day heal and though it would leave a scar it would remind you how strong you were to still stand and live the darkest of dark nights through.
We're here in this world we created where the echoes of momentary solitude bounces with the silence of each one's smiles and smileys.
Like a pat in the back.
Telling you that everything's gonna be alright.
If that's the kind of bloghopper you are.
Thank you.
**11*09**
Dead Poets Sunday
This is for Abi, thank you for yesterday...
Frantic
Like the moon on a starless night...
Like the breeze on a hot summer day...
Like a child's laughter...
Like shivers on a winter chill...
I got bitten by a rabid cow...
I'm laughing out loud,
Dancing in the rain.
Frantic,
Frenzy.
That's what you are.
You made my day.
Rain fell at 4:51 pm
Why are you here?
Why do you keep coming back to this very same spot?
Does my pain amuse you? Would it disappoint you to know that I'm finally happy? That she's finally back in my arms and my dark skies have at last turned blue?
Or is it because you feel for me, you see me in you and it brings you a sense of comfort that you're not alone in your misery?
Human nature?
The ever lasting want to belong and be held, the eternal crave to feel wanted and accepted.
Pathetic?
I guess not.
Then why are we all here?
What drives us to write and tell the whole world our innermost thoughts, fears, failures, desires, losses and gains.
Not for sympathy, admiration, fame or recognition.
Our voice is too soft to be heard, our cries are too faint to be pacified.
But because we feel.
And it's enough that you're there. No pretensions. Just mere presence and the essence it encompasses will always be second to none.
We're here to stay sane, that all this wounds we've all endured will one day heal and though it would leave a scar it would remind you how strong you were to still stand and live the darkest of dark nights through.
We're here in this world we created where the echoes of momentary solitude bounces with the silence of each one's smiles and smileys.
Like a pat in the back.
Telling you that everything's gonna be alright.
If that's the kind of bloghopper you are.
Thank you.
**11*09**
Dead Poets Sunday
This is for Abi, thank you for yesterday...
Frantic
Like the moon on a starless night...
Like the breeze on a hot summer day...
Like a child's laughter...
Like shivers on a winter chill...
I got bitten by a rabid cow...
I'm laughing out loud,
Dancing in the rain.
Frantic,
Frenzy.
That's what you are.
You made my day.
Rain fell at 4:51 pm
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Friday, October 10, 2003
I died
I died the day you left me, I've been buried with your love and I'm feeding maggots with my brain. The chandelier in my tomb has stopped turning. I've turned off it's lights because I got no use for it. I died the day you said goodbye.
I died the day you left me. I've been lying here in my coffin while death and decay has started feasting on me. I've been the perfect host for earthworms and ants and parasites of all sorts. And I'm like a cowardly dog that can't even scratch my itch. I feel nothing. I died the day you walked away.
I died the day you left me. I've been hanging out with my own for a couple of months now. I've been killing time just as you killed me. I died the day you stepped out of the car.
I died and there ain't no coming back. Not until you resurrect me. You alone have the hands to pull me out from hell. You can charm the deathstalker and breathe life into me again.
Love and let me live again
**11*09**
Divine Farce
The less you ask, the less you'll know, the less complicated things will be. doesn't the bible speak of symbolisms? Will there ever be a pardon for the inquisitive? I speak of faith being the essence of the unseen yet I ask questions that need concrete answers. And all my wanderings and askings" ever brought me was confusion amidst the chaos my whole being is going through and I am tired.
Is the devil unredeemable? For if being merciful precedes endless forbearance and forgiveness why make an exception? If that is so, then no one is beyond redemption. I do not want to be a lawyer for the Prince of darkness and I can't make a case before God. I just think it logical to say that If God is love and He loves all His creation then maybe He makes no reservation even for the damned.
So the angel fell, and what? to live among us and torment us? I speak now and dare say and ask everything there is to know and I may never learn. Perhaps that is the grandeur of the plan. To forever seek His grace and yield to the divine plan that the devil tried to affect and interfere. And His light will be there in the end, shining as ever, either you burn into a cinder or be absorbed by the light.
I can only ask and wait. I may never know...
Rain fell at 1:56 am
I died the day you left me, I've been buried with your love and I'm feeding maggots with my brain. The chandelier in my tomb has stopped turning. I've turned off it's lights because I got no use for it. I died the day you said goodbye.
I died the day you left me. I've been lying here in my coffin while death and decay has started feasting on me. I've been the perfect host for earthworms and ants and parasites of all sorts. And I'm like a cowardly dog that can't even scratch my itch. I feel nothing. I died the day you walked away.
I died the day you left me. I've been hanging out with my own for a couple of months now. I've been killing time just as you killed me. I died the day you stepped out of the car.
I died and there ain't no coming back. Not until you resurrect me. You alone have the hands to pull me out from hell. You can charm the deathstalker and breathe life into me again.
Love and let me live again
**11*09**
Divine Farce
The less you ask, the less you'll know, the less complicated things will be. doesn't the bible speak of symbolisms? Will there ever be a pardon for the inquisitive? I speak of faith being the essence of the unseen yet I ask questions that need concrete answers. And all my wanderings and askings" ever brought me was confusion amidst the chaos my whole being is going through and I am tired.
Is the devil unredeemable? For if being merciful precedes endless forbearance and forgiveness why make an exception? If that is so, then no one is beyond redemption. I do not want to be a lawyer for the Prince of darkness and I can't make a case before God. I just think it logical to say that If God is love and He loves all His creation then maybe He makes no reservation even for the damned.
So the angel fell, and what? to live among us and torment us? I speak now and dare say and ask everything there is to know and I may never learn. Perhaps that is the grandeur of the plan. To forever seek His grace and yield to the divine plan that the devil tried to affect and interfere. And His light will be there in the end, shining as ever, either you burn into a cinder or be absorbed by the light.
I can only ask and wait. I may never know...
Rain fell at 1:56 am
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Angel Eyes
"To see the world in a grain of sand
and a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity at the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour"
-Blake
If I could have an angel's eyes and I could take just one glimpse of time with you. It would be that moment I held your gaze and felt your love through your eyes. If I could have a minute of it frozen so I could feel your face again, I would.
Just one minute and the rest of forever can go on.
And everything as in everything wouldn't really matter just as long as you're there.
And when the time comes that these borrowed eyes are to be taken away, I'd rather stay blind because you won't be there anymore.
All the colors would fade out again in black.
But that wouldn't matter.
Because in my heart I've known your gaze.
In my soul there lies your face.
and forever I held tightly closed in my hands
as if I'm still holding your hand.
I'll cling to it firmly.
Until the day you come back.
I'll steal those angel eyes again.
**11*09**
2 months
Today's the 2nd month and now I only have 1 month to burn...
I don't know if I'm excited or maybe I'm more scared than excited. I don't know.
I don't know what she's thinking. Perhaps maybe she has forgotten that I'm waiting and I could only ask in vain questions that will have to wait...
Pray for me...
Rain fell at 6:59 pm
"To see the world in a grain of sand
and a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity at the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour"
-Blake
If I could have an angel's eyes and I could take just one glimpse of time with you. It would be that moment I held your gaze and felt your love through your eyes. If I could have a minute of it frozen so I could feel your face again, I would.
Just one minute and the rest of forever can go on.
And everything as in everything wouldn't really matter just as long as you're there.
And when the time comes that these borrowed eyes are to be taken away, I'd rather stay blind because you won't be there anymore.
All the colors would fade out again in black.
But that wouldn't matter.
Because in my heart I've known your gaze.
In my soul there lies your face.
and forever I held tightly closed in my hands
as if I'm still holding your hand.
I'll cling to it firmly.
Until the day you come back.
I'll steal those angel eyes again.
**11*09**
2 months
Today's the 2nd month and now I only have 1 month to burn...
I don't know if I'm excited or maybe I'm more scared than excited. I don't know.
I don't know what she's thinking. Perhaps maybe she has forgotten that I'm waiting and I could only ask in vain questions that will have to wait...
Pray for me...
Rain fell at 6:59 pm
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
House of Cards
I'm going up a flightful of stairs made from pictures of your face and each step I take of the spiral maze I'm climbing up atop makes you more and more out of my reach.
It seems that noi matter how hiogh I get i coulkd never reach you because your climbing up a spiral staircase of your own and you've left me far behind. I look up and gun for the moon so I can pull it down to get near you but my efforts are futile I could only cause a tidal wave.
and you in you I can't get through can just take my hand or watch me drown
**11*09**
Autistic
I've withdrawn
from the world...
I could only listen to my hand and the music of a paper being crumpled and scratched.
i could sit all day and watch my pink ping pong ball bounce all day from sun up to sun down up and down and down and up until it defies gravity and float steadily.
I could build towers made from sticks that can get as high as the WTC until it levelks down to ground zero.
for all my prayers gets me no remuneration.
Until you take me again...
Rain fell at 11:38 pm
I'm going up a flightful of stairs made from pictures of your face and each step I take of the spiral maze I'm climbing up atop makes you more and more out of my reach.
It seems that noi matter how hiogh I get i coulkd never reach you because your climbing up a spiral staircase of your own and you've left me far behind. I look up and gun for the moon so I can pull it down to get near you but my efforts are futile I could only cause a tidal wave.
and you in you I can't get through can just take my hand or watch me drown
**11*09**
Autistic
I've withdrawn
from the world...
I could only listen to my hand and the music of a paper being crumpled and scratched.
i could sit all day and watch my pink ping pong ball bounce all day from sun up to sun down up and down and down and up until it defies gravity and float steadily.
I could build towers made from sticks that can get as high as the WTC until it levelks down to ground zero.
for all my prayers gets me no remuneration.
Until you take me again...
Rain fell at 11:38 pm
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Love letters
I found an old photograph of someone from my past,
and it had this note at the back of the picture:
"You sleep when you're
tired not when you
want to escape. there
are still many things
left unaccomplished.
If you leave I will
suffer, so will the
world..."
She gave this to me after my failed rendezvous with the grim reaper, after I took half a dozen of unisoms that didn't even get me to yawn...
and now I wonder how true this words were, along with all the letters and the cards that my seemingly consistent battles with the promise of forever and a day has gifted me and left me with nothing to hold on to but the lies and false hopes of eternity.
I've always said "Don't say things you don't really mean"
Don't make promises you can't keep...
No one ever listened.
You say you'll stay while you walk out the door.
You tell me I'm the only one and tell him the same thing.
You cover my eyes with lies of how beautiful the world is with you only to find out that I'm alone again and my world has been covered in darkness
You turn away and say "you'll always have a special place in my heart that no one else can ever replace" then why can't I keep that place?
I wonder if someday everything you write will soon fade out along with its meaning.
Just like an ink stain on a white fabric it goes out and fades out with every wash.
Just like your love letters.
Rain fell at 2:35 pm
I found an old photograph of someone from my past,
and it had this note at the back of the picture:
"You sleep when you're
tired not when you
want to escape. there
are still many things
left unaccomplished.
If you leave I will
suffer, so will the
world..."
She gave this to me after my failed rendezvous with the grim reaper, after I took half a dozen of unisoms that didn't even get me to yawn...
and now I wonder how true this words were, along with all the letters and the cards that my seemingly consistent battles with the promise of forever and a day has gifted me and left me with nothing to hold on to but the lies and false hopes of eternity.
I've always said "Don't say things you don't really mean"
Don't make promises you can't keep...
No one ever listened.
You say you'll stay while you walk out the door.
You tell me I'm the only one and tell him the same thing.
You cover my eyes with lies of how beautiful the world is with you only to find out that I'm alone again and my world has been covered in darkness
You turn away and say "you'll always have a special place in my heart that no one else can ever replace" then why can't I keep that place?
I wonder if someday everything you write will soon fade out along with its meaning.
Just like an ink stain on a white fabric it goes out and fades out with every wash.
Just like your love letters.
Rain fell at 2:35 pm
Monday, October 06, 2003
Blur
Yesterday was a blur, things happened all too quickly.
I remember Jing's tears and holding her in my arms and I hated whoever it was that made her cry again...
I remember a girl crying over someone she has lost a long time ago and how she wanted to have him back, not knowing that what she's doing only makes things worse for her.
and I remember my eyes welling in tears again.
I keep telling myself that I'm okay though I know damn well I'm not.
When will all my pain end?
When will I see my friend Jing happy?
When are we going out and drink to celebrate and not to mourn?
My breath stinks of malt and monosodium glutamate.
My mind is unclear and my sweat smells alcohol.
My heart pumps rather slow and my soul has left me wandering...
gone far away to where I can see her face.
I want some peace.
Please ease my pain away...
Please come back
Rain fell at 5:48 pm
Yesterday was a blur, things happened all too quickly.
I remember Jing's tears and holding her in my arms and I hated whoever it was that made her cry again...
I remember a girl crying over someone she has lost a long time ago and how she wanted to have him back, not knowing that what she's doing only makes things worse for her.
and I remember my eyes welling in tears again.
I keep telling myself that I'm okay though I know damn well I'm not.
When will all my pain end?
When will I see my friend Jing happy?
When are we going out and drink to celebrate and not to mourn?
My breath stinks of malt and monosodium glutamate.
My mind is unclear and my sweat smells alcohol.
My heart pumps rather slow and my soul has left me wandering...
gone far away to where I can see her face.
I want some peace.
Please ease my pain away...
Please come back
Rain fell at 5:48 pm
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Dead Poets Sunday
Love Memory
In memory I live again
that long and fragrant spring
When love came in so silently
to a wider blossoming
Sun filled days and moonlit nights
together hand in hand
We walked nw paths in wonder
explored an enchanted land
Time has not erased your face
You live in memory
My heart remains the quiet place
to which you hold the key.
-Anonymous
**11*09**
26
"If two people love each other and they just can't get it together, When do you get to the point of enough is enough?
-Never."
That goes well and true for me.
and it hurts.
It hurts real bad.
Because now, I'm holding on to a love that may have closed it arms on me.
and I still haven't gone to the point of enough is enough.
I love her still.
Happy 26 Monthsary!
(Italics taken from The Mexican)
Rain fell at 6:34 pm
Love Memory
In memory I live again
that long and fragrant spring
When love came in so silently
to a wider blossoming
Sun filled days and moonlit nights
together hand in hand
We walked nw paths in wonder
explored an enchanted land
Time has not erased your face
You live in memory
My heart remains the quiet place
to which you hold the key.
-Anonymous
**11*09**
26
"If two people love each other and they just can't get it together, When do you get to the point of enough is enough?
-Never."
That goes well and true for me.
and it hurts.
It hurts real bad.
Because now, I'm holding on to a love that may have closed it arms on me.
and I still haven't gone to the point of enough is enough.
I love her still.
Happy 26 Monthsary!
(Italics taken from The Mexican)
Rain fell at 6:34 pm
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Usapang Kalye
One sunny afternoon with my lunatic friend Makoy, we saw a woman watering her plants, she seem to indulged with the water and everything that she didn't seem too mind that we were staring and talking about her.
An intellectual bout was heading its way to the peak.
[Mokong] Di ba dapat ang halaman sa gabi dinidiligan?
[Makoy] Sira! sa umaga dapat, ung bago tumindi ang sikat ng araw.
[Mokong] Baka kase mapasma ung halaman ganun?
[Makoy] Oo 'tsaka dapat kinakausap yung mga halaman habang dinidiligan para gumanda saka mamulaklak.
[Mokong] pati bermuda grass kakausapin mo?
[Makoy] Oo! para hindi humaba agad ung bermuda.
What would I say to the bermuda grass? "Hey don't grow too soon... I'm not up to pruning you yet, stay that way for a few more months"
But you cannot tell the grass to stop growing lest you cut it down to its roots.
Neither can you tell a child to stop growing up or tell a boy not to be a man.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a child, life would be easy, all play, all fun all day...
and that's pretty ironic because when I was a kid I wanted to grow up and do the things a man does...
If I had known that life would be this complicated and pain wouldn't be less hurtful than a bruise a kid got from playing, I wouldn't grow up in a hurry.
Or maybe I was a plant watered while the sun was shining so hard but it wasn't enough for my pain and my tears to evaporate.
and I was left with my brain in spasms, and slowly I would wither away...
and I would no longer know pain anymore...
**11*09**
Deaf
I'm calling your name out loud...
I'm saying I love you over and over again
But you don't seem to hear me
Or maybe you don't care
you have forgotten...
Rain fell at 6:45 pm
One sunny afternoon with my lunatic friend Makoy, we saw a woman watering her plants, she seem to indulged with the water and everything that she didn't seem too mind that we were staring and talking about her.
An intellectual bout was heading its way to the peak.
[Mokong] Di ba dapat ang halaman sa gabi dinidiligan?
[Makoy] Sira! sa umaga dapat, ung bago tumindi ang sikat ng araw.
[Mokong] Baka kase mapasma ung halaman ganun?
[Makoy] Oo 'tsaka dapat kinakausap yung mga halaman habang dinidiligan para gumanda saka mamulaklak.
[Mokong] pati bermuda grass kakausapin mo?
[Makoy] Oo! para hindi humaba agad ung bermuda.
What would I say to the bermuda grass? "Hey don't grow too soon... I'm not up to pruning you yet, stay that way for a few more months"
But you cannot tell the grass to stop growing lest you cut it down to its roots.
Neither can you tell a child to stop growing up or tell a boy not to be a man.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a child, life would be easy, all play, all fun all day...
and that's pretty ironic because when I was a kid I wanted to grow up and do the things a man does...
If I had known that life would be this complicated and pain wouldn't be less hurtful than a bruise a kid got from playing, I wouldn't grow up in a hurry.
Or maybe I was a plant watered while the sun was shining so hard but it wasn't enough for my pain and my tears to evaporate.
and I was left with my brain in spasms, and slowly I would wither away...
and I would no longer know pain anymore...
**11*09**
Deaf
I'm calling your name out loud...
I'm saying I love you over and over again
But you don't seem to hear me
Or maybe you don't care
you have forgotten...
Rain fell at 6:45 pm
Friday, October 03, 2003
Am I?
My bestfriend's X sent me this poem.
Corpse
He's been murdered, or so he thought, he knows the killer and wants her
to go back and resurrect him
His death wasn't bloody but excruciating
She left him with a chance to breath, but he choose not to
He now wanders, relentlessly
The clown is a dead man walking
Am I?
Rain fell at 6:56 pm
My bestfriend's X sent me this poem.
Corpse
He's been murdered, or so he thought, he knows the killer and wants her
to go back and resurrect him
His death wasn't bloody but excruciating
She left him with a chance to breath, but he choose not to
He now wanders, relentlessly
The clown is a dead man walking
Am I?
Rain fell at 6:56 pm
Thursday, October 02, 2003
One act musical play
Curtain opens, woman standing naked
she sings:
I am woman
I need your love
I need your pain
I want you to remain
sit still like a wingless dove
by me, beside me
never ever fly away
I am woman
I don't need your flowers
fancy cars and chocolates
or the heaven that you offer
just stay, and be my mate
it's you I want
nothing more, nothing less
I am woman
clothe me
don't stare
at my body
I am not a toy
I am woman
I am complicated
yet I am simple
Don't underestimate
never overanalyze
Don't use me...
I need what you need
[Woman turns her back
a man comes in
and sings:]
*It's easier not to be wise
and measure these things by your brains
I sank into eden with you
Alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here, save your eyes
You'll need them, your boat is at sea
You anchor is up, you've been swept away
and the greatest of teachers
won't hesitate
to leave you there by yourself
chained to fate
[Woman stares at the man
clings to him as he sings:]
I alone love you
Ialone tempt you
I alone love you
fear is not the end of this!
It's easier not to be great
and measure these things by your eyes
we long to be here by his resolve
to cradle the baby in space
and leave you there by yourself
chained to fate
oh now we took it back too far
only love can save us now, all these riddles that you burn
all come runnin' back you, all these rhythms that you hide
only love can save us now...
[woman sings:]
I am what you need
I need what you need
I am love...
Love me and no one else
[Lights go out
Curtain closes...
the song remains...]
*I alone, Live
Rain fell at 1:01 pm
Curtain opens, woman standing naked
she sings:
I am woman
I need your love
I need your pain
I want you to remain
sit still like a wingless dove
by me, beside me
never ever fly away
I am woman
I don't need your flowers
fancy cars and chocolates
or the heaven that you offer
just stay, and be my mate
it's you I want
nothing more, nothing less
I am woman
clothe me
don't stare
at my body
I am not a toy
I am woman
I am complicated
yet I am simple
Don't underestimate
never overanalyze
Don't use me...
I need what you need
[Woman turns her back
a man comes in
and sings:]
*It's easier not to be wise
and measure these things by your brains
I sank into eden with you
Alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here, save your eyes
You'll need them, your boat is at sea
You anchor is up, you've been swept away
and the greatest of teachers
won't hesitate
to leave you there by yourself
chained to fate
[Woman stares at the man
clings to him as he sings:]
I alone love you
Ialone tempt you
I alone love you
fear is not the end of this!
It's easier not to be great
and measure these things by your eyes
we long to be here by his resolve
to cradle the baby in space
and leave you there by yourself
chained to fate
oh now we took it back too far
only love can save us now, all these riddles that you burn
all come runnin' back you, all these rhythms that you hide
only love can save us now...
[woman sings:]
I am what you need
I need what you need
I am love...
Love me and no one else
[Lights go out
Curtain closes...
the song remains...]
*I alone, Live
Rain fell at 1:01 pm
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
I don't wanna be the one
I first heard this song on Xmas eve 2002, Jeff and I were cruising C5 on our way home from Paranaque. It struck me down to my every nerve, feeling every word of it, but not wanting to accept how real it is.
This morning I fell asleep again from crying while this song played in my CD player..
Tears forever...
Let Me Be The One
Jimmy Bondoc
Somebody told me you were leavin'
I didn't know
Somebody told me you're unhappy
But it doesn't show
Somebody told me that you don't want me no more (no..)
So you're walkin' out the door
Nobody told me you've been cryin'
Every night
Nobody told me you'd been dyin'
But didn't want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I'm settin' you free...
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won't have to make excuses
We don't need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time
And goodbye...
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don't know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again
...Just turn around and walk away
You don't have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don't keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart...
Let me be the one..
I cannot understand why a love that seemed so real will fade out and turn into a lie..
I did not walk away nor turned away from you neither did I gave you up..
I just gave you what you wanted.
Because I love you.
Now I await for my doom or salvation.
I envy you...
because you know you will always have my heart, no matter what happens.
and you can come back...
This is my curse...
to love is to risk not being loved in return...
This song goes well with the song above..
Fool to the end
Paolo Santos
Somewhere,
Lost in the wind
Im watching you,
Sunlight touchin'
your hair
And I remember
Somehow,
We said that we
would never stray
But somehow we lost our way
Promises too often spoken
are easily broken apart
and I'm ready this time
I know that I'll
no longer undecide it
and I don't wanna be
a fool wondering
what might have been
Trace of forever
Lingerin'
Drawin' me closer
to you...
a new beginning
Now I know
there is no doubt
I understand
Just how fragile
love can be
I can't forget
your memory by me
Now I know
where I belong
Through everyday
into the night
we got love
to guide us
and I don't wanna be
a fool wondering
what might have been
With the love
in this side
I can run
I can hide...
I'm ready to go
My heart will show
That I'm ready this time...
Search everywhere
nothing compares
but only love to guide us
...and I don't wanna be...
a fool wondering
what might have been...
...I'm wondering
what might have been...
...We're gonna find
what might have been...
...I've got to know
what might have been...
... and so I wait for that day, because I don't wanna be a fool wondering what might have been...
Rain fell at 12:04 pm
**11*09**
When Mom asked
Shock came in a fist of a wisp...
Mom asked me "Nagkikita ba kayo ni Eyen?", it was something that I did not expect my mom would ask me and frankly I don't want to talk about it.
Not with her...
I just said, "Next month pa..."
then I made her feel that I didn't want to talk about it by turning my eyes directly into the TV set.
I don't want her to feel that I'm taking it real bad.
This goes way beyond the comfort zone and being at home...
Rain fell at 6:50 pm
I first heard this song on Xmas eve 2002, Jeff and I were cruising C5 on our way home from Paranaque. It struck me down to my every nerve, feeling every word of it, but not wanting to accept how real it is.
This morning I fell asleep again from crying while this song played in my CD player..
Tears forever...
Let Me Be The One
Jimmy Bondoc
Somebody told me you were leavin'
I didn't know
Somebody told me you're unhappy
But it doesn't show
Somebody told me that you don't want me no more (no..)
So you're walkin' out the door
Nobody told me you've been cryin'
Every night
Nobody told me you'd been dyin'
But didn't want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I'm settin' you free...
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won't have to make excuses
We don't need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time
And goodbye...
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don't know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again
...Just turn around and walk away
You don't have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don't keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart...
Let me be the one..
I cannot understand why a love that seemed so real will fade out and turn into a lie..
I did not walk away nor turned away from you neither did I gave you up..
I just gave you what you wanted.
Because I love you.
Now I await for my doom or salvation.
I envy you...
because you know you will always have my heart, no matter what happens.
and you can come back...
This is my curse...
to love is to risk not being loved in return...
This song goes well with the song above..
Fool to the end
Paolo Santos
Somewhere,
Lost in the wind
Im watching you,
Sunlight touchin'
your hair
And I remember
Somehow,
We said that we
would never stray
But somehow we lost our way
Promises too often spoken
are easily broken apart
and I'm ready this time
I know that I'll
no longer undecide it
and I don't wanna be
a fool wondering
what might have been
Trace of forever
Lingerin'
Drawin' me closer
to you...
a new beginning
Now I know
there is no doubt
I understand
Just how fragile
love can be
I can't forget
your memory by me
Now I know
where I belong
Through everyday
into the night
we got love
to guide us
and I don't wanna be
a fool wondering
what might have been
With the love
in this side
I can run
I can hide...
I'm ready to go
My heart will show
That I'm ready this time...
Search everywhere
nothing compares
but only love to guide us
...and I don't wanna be...
a fool wondering
what might have been...
...I'm wondering
what might have been...
...We're gonna find
what might have been...
...I've got to know
what might have been...
... and so I wait for that day, because I don't wanna be a fool wondering what might have been...
Rain fell at 12:04 pm
**11*09**
When Mom asked
Shock came in a fist of a wisp...
Mom asked me "Nagkikita ba kayo ni Eyen?", it was something that I did not expect my mom would ask me and frankly I don't want to talk about it.
Not with her...
I just said, "Next month pa..."
then I made her feel that I didn't want to talk about it by turning my eyes directly into the TV set.
I don't want her to feel that I'm taking it real bad.
This goes way beyond the comfort zone and being at home...
Rain fell at 6:50 pm
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