Dead Poets Sunday

Dumb

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun

I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
I think I'm just happy

My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
and hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover
have a hangover

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up

I think I'm dumb..

-Kurt Cobain, In Utero;1993

**11*09**

Wedding Blues

"We are all born for love.
It is the principle for existence.
and it's only end"

I went to my classmate's wedding yesterday, the groom's brother made a VTR for the couple and used this quote as it's intro theme. I melted right away. This spells that I shouldn't be around weddings for the time being.
I knew this would happen, it just feels so odd bein' around a happy couple. I sure am happy for Clang (the bride) it's just that the air was so full of love and happiness I couldn't help but awe in envy ad I know it's wrong.
And as if things wouldn't get any worse the room was suddenly lit by Adam Sandler's song from the Wedding Singer...
" I wanna make you smile..whenever you're sad.." That was it, I silently walked out of the room and stayed at the balcony.
My bestfriend from college joined my escape from near freaking out...
Incidentally, he too just broke off a 3 year relationship just when he thought that nothing can go wrong and forever wasn't too far away..
He broke the silence:
"Ang hirap no?!" He said
"Oo nga e, di ko matagalan sa loob"
He told me about what happened with him and her girl.
and he said: " ang hirap kse wala naman masyado problema, parang ang smooth ng paglipad niyo tapos bigla bibitawan ka nya, babagsak ka baldado, siya ok lang..."
I saw tears in his eyes, for the first time in the 6 years I've known him he tried to hide it from me.
I thought I saw a queue for applause from an imaginary crowd because I was able to spill my sentiments with him without shedding a tear.
But this time pain was eating up on me that I couldn't define what has been left of me.
and I'm tired of blaming Him, not that because I know it's wrong but because He doesn't take credit nor deny. Or maybe He can't hear me...

"Don't lose hope" yeah, keep telling that to yourself.

**11*09**

Invisible wall

For over 2 months I've created an invisible wall. I tried so hard to build.
It stood on it's ground at Lerma, and it's long lonely walls extends to Taft Avenue.
I also built an annex wall around Makati.
Little did I know that reuniting with my old buddies from college at the wedding would lead me or more appropriately drag me through and over these walls.
My heart was pounding like mad when I entered SM Manila.
I begged for us to go to SM north instead but my pleas were useless.
and I ended up seeing those streets again.
Pedro Gil.
Nakpil.
Remedios.
I was afraid I'd see her and I wouldn't know what to do.
We went to this gay infected place called Bassilica for some laughs.
I had some fun, I'd say 'twas nice seein' my batchmates again.
but I miss her...
for the nth time...
I cry to the south wind... I miss her, please come back.

Rain fell at 12:06 pm