Gone

she's gone...

my baby's gone...

I waited for this for 3 months, I tried so hard to survive for her. But now she's gone... just like that.
This is what those sleepless nights I endured had in store for me. This is my fate.

I've been stabbed in the heart back then, now I went back for another blow.

and I love her still...

++_ _+_ _++

She was so cold at first, as if she didn't mind to see how hurt I was.
And then she brought down her walls and hugged me tight.
We kissed... I don't really know what that kiss was for but I can still feel her lips in mine.
I can still feel her arms around me and I never wanna let go.
Then she said:
"Kung meron man akong maipapangako sa'yo, pag nagkaboyfriend ako hindi ko tatawaging "baby" kse ikaw lang ang baby ko..."
[If there's one thing I can promise you, if I'll have another boyfriend I'll never call him "baby" because you're my only baby...]

I told her that if one day she wakes up and find herself looking for me, She can always call on me, and I'll be the one runnin' to her...

No one can ever take her place.

++_ _+_ _++

November's Curse

Then came another blow...

I always prayed for a sweet november but all I ever got from it was death... so much like its first days...

Auntie just died 2 days ago.

I call her auntie coz I got used to it but she's really my grandfather's younger sister.

She died at 64, multiple myeloma was the culprit. a.k.a bone cancer.

I went there last Monday at Asian Hospital and Medical Center in Alabang. My cousin and I were the ones who looked after her as she was undergoing her chemotherapy.

We never thought it would end that way, I even gave my word that I'll save one day for her next Chemo on December, but she gave in.

The grim reaper took her away and left us all dumbfounded.

She fought bravely for 16 hours at The ICU, Her Blood Presure was like a mad roller coaster that just keeps on droppin'...

We waited there at the ICU's lounge, hopeful that somehow she'll survive.

And I found myself at a death scene again...

Her husband whispered to her ear and said "Balikan mo ako ha..." ["Come back for me..."]

I saw tears ran down her cheeks and silently she was gone.. with all those tubes and stuffs still stuck in her mouth...

November took another life out of me...

++_ _+_ _++

Monday night wasn't that bad, Auntie's room at the 8th floor was cool. It offered a great view, of Metropolis and the highway... I often get caught in a blank stare at the flyover... Vivere Suites at the left side... Bellevue and the road. Memories of our last trip at Laguna. Me and her... the last days...

If only the TV can talk, it would curse us and say "Please give me a rest"
I wonder what cable operator offer that wide range of channels...

My cousin and I ate the night off, clearly there was no sign of "Auntie" bein laid to rest...

Sometimes death can really surprise you, the same way I still cannot believe she's gone.

I'm still waiting for someone to wake me up and tell me that I just had a bad dream.

None of this really happened.

I'll find myself to her embrace and she'll whisper in my ear. "I'm never ever goin' to leave you"

and "Auntie" would still be alive. I'll be back in Alabang on December...

but this is real.

darkness fell at 3:20 pm