30

I remember when I was a kid, I wished that I can pull time forward and be 21 and do all the things that adults can do. I so wanted to get away from home and have the freedom to stay up late, party and not worry about the 6pm curfew that my mom imposes. (Otherwise I'll end up picking my clothes on the streets because she throws them all away if I'm not home at the dot).

Let me cut to the chase and go straight to the point, Im turning 30, 23 days from now and I wish I can go back in time. Time flies faster as you grow older. And you end up gloating and sulking about things you want to do or accomplish or even bigger, things you didn't do and things you could have done. You go and make plans for the next 5 years but it seems like you can't squeeze it all in such a small window of time. You wish for more time.

The irony doesn't stop there, some 10 or 2 decades ago you wanted to travel through time fast forward to your mid twenties to have the time of your life and  you end up waking on your 27th birthday wishing you were seventeen and still learning the truths of life.

The sad fact is that you can't turn back time, but you can however make the most of the time you have left in this world. The Mayans predict the world will end in 2012 and if that's true that leaves us with 2 years to live a meaningful life. I guess if there's one good thing about this whole end of the world rumor is that some people will try to live a better life or if going to heaven even matters to them then they will try to be better people.

Coherence thrown out of the wind, the whole premise of this article got lost along with my bitterness. And as the sour reality of it kicks in I guess all I wanted to say is that time and life are too bitter enemies that will never get along because they try to outrun each other and life always loses the battle. The world doesn't wait for you to come along, but do not make decisions on impulse. One song says *some of the most interesting 40 year old people still don't know what to do with their lives but you'll never know when its too late and your just watching yourself burn and fade out.

"Make the most out of everyday" This line has been used over and over again but this makes more sense to me now that my age has gotten into me. I used to say, Age only has wheels but the person itself  do not, now I fear that I'm running out of time to make sense, to look back at my own meandering existence and smile about it.

Take each step with caution, do things that makes you and others smile. When someone says Live your life, don't take it literally, it means get a life worth living. Happiness is a choice you have to make so find that one thing that you know you'll do with passion.

Don't make the same mistakes I did.

The 10 peso change

Have you ever bought something from a convenience store or even a sari-sari store, you take out a P100 bill and the guy at the counter with an irritated tone asks you, "Wala ba kayong barya, Sir?" (Do you have a smaller bill?). It makes you feel bad and you end up feeling sorry as hell because you failed to realize that its your civil duty, yes its your  civil obligation that you got to have barya. %&$%!

So the other night I came out with a bag of 10 peso coins from our piggy bank that we saved for our son and I wanted to have it changed for P100, or  a P500 bill. I was thinking to my head this is going to be easy because most of the store owners  would really look at you with a flaming glare if you buy small stuffs with a bigger bill. I thought I was doing them a favor so I was surprised when a store told me. "Di namin kailangan ng barya" (We don't need your coins, we have lots of it).

Perflexed and stunned, I went home cursing.

I guess this is classic humanity, that's how people are. You got to have something they will benefit from. I won't do you any favor as you aren't doing me any. I can't be kind without expecting anything in return. Maybe I am over reacting and passing judgment for a mere 10 peso coin but then again its just a small picture of the bigger canvas.

Sad.

5 Elements of a Good Film

I was on my way to work this morning and I rode the bus and guess what they were playing on their video on board? No it wasn't Pride and Prejudice or Breakfast at Tiffany's neither was it A Few Good Men or the equally perennial blockbuster movies of Steven Seagal. It was a pirated copy of New Moon.

And so a few minutes away from login to the inhumane little torture voicebox named AVAYA. I new I had to write this down before this article gets drained along with my energy.

The 5 Elements of a Good Film

1. Weak Plot: The plot should evolve around star crossed lovers, who faces difficulties of unmatched proportions. It should not be contemporary and the story has to be well written on water. It should tackle vampires and werewolves and destroy everything that has already been told about them. For as long as it can elicit "Kilig" or shivers down the audiences spines, it should work. I promise it will.

2. Gorgeous Heroine/ Hot Male Lead: Film makers should be made aware that without this two, the movie will never work, Acting skills isn't a necessity as long as they can deliver their lines by a mere tweak of their face and they have an idea what sadness is, that should be fine. Although I will never understand what women think of as handsome or hot. I think the standards has come a long way from the days of old. (That I don't have any input for because like I said I really don't get it) Men nowadays should have lipstick and should have pale faces and anemic or they can have a nice chiseled body and it wont matter if they look like a werewolf.

3. Eternal shirtless scene: One or more of your male leads has to have 10 or more scenes without their shirt on inexplicably. Im guessing this has something to do with the fact that women outnumber men in terms of population. That's it, no further explanation required.

4. Constant pain: One of the characters has to look like they are in constant pain. The characters name may or may not be Jasper but this element should be satisfied in order to come up with a very interesting character.

5. Popular Book Phenomenon: Like Harry Potter which was written originally and is still categorized as a children's book, the movie should come out from a very popular book written by an unknown author. It has to be a huge success with teenagers and children and adults will eventually start reading it. Face it, kids nowadays set the trend in what's going to be popular.

The movie was very good. I like it. (Oh crap, crap, crap)

Willie Revillame

"Kung ganyan, pakita na lang natin 'yan. Kasi nagsasaya kami dito, tapos... Masakit sa akin 'yan, e. Nagsasalita ako dito... 'yan, please. Sana maintindihan n'yo. Nagsasaya kami dito, papakita n'yo sa amin yun ang... di ba? Hindi tama, e. Okey? Hindi ba?" "Pangit! Hindi ho maganda sa atin. Nagsasalita, ipinapakita yung kabaong ni Tita Cory, hindi ba? Papano kami makapagsasaya, nahihirapan kami? I'm sorry ho, ha. Pero ako, totoo ako, e. 'Wag n'yo akong pagagalitan, kasi totoo ang gusto kong malaman... "Pagkatapos ng show, ipakita n'yo ang gusto n'yong palabas. Kasi itong Wowowee, gusto ko... Hindi ba, at alam din ni Tita Cory 'yan dahil napasaya rin siya ng show na ito na laging masaya dito, ok?"



This was the airheaded buffoon's comments over Cory's cortege in his number one stupid program.



For some, this will appear as biased and I might even sound as a flame starter but I cant stand this TV host anymore, and I think something needs to be done, something drastic, like banning him from being seen on the television for 10 years or for his entire lifetime. He is an arrogant, hypocritical maniac who doesnt deserve to rip on the merits of his fame.

I wonder what people see in this show. Apart from the "masa" format. People may have totally forgotten about the ULTRA stampede and deaths that came with this show. And what happened to that whole fiasco about the game fixing? Gone to oblivion?

I can only wish that his TV show gets cancelled.

An Instrument of Change

I grew up at a time when political turmoil was at its peak, Our entire nation was fed up with the bondage of oppression and dictatorship. I was 3 years old when her husband, the late Senator Ninoy Aquino was assasinated at the tarmac of NAIA.  I can still remember the image of Ninoy lying face down at the airport from our black and white TV, I did not understand what was going on then, all I can recall was the image of a lifeless man.

3 years later, Corazon Aquino became the face that spawned change in our country's history. The world turned its eyes on the Philippines as it watched the most peaceful uprising the world will ever know. In its center was Ninoy Aquino's widow, who will later become the president who restored democracy in our country, after over 2 decades of military rule, wrought by injustice and cruelty.

The only president who served with honesty and integrity, now leaves us with memories of her selflessness and enduring faith in God. I never realized how much impact she created in my political subconscious until her passing. And its sad that its more often true in all human dealings. We only realize how much a person means to us when he's/she's gone.

The entire country mourned her passing, I mourn for her and the ideals she fought for, democracy might forever be a concept and may never be attainable for as long as there are people who pervertedly uses power as a means for control and gain. In her death we lost a great leader, and lost the embodiment of conscience and honesty. We lost our conscience. She was an instrument of change. But the times has changed along with the meaning of democracy. Its no longer a government of the people for the people and by the people, it may very well be a government of some people, for some people and by some people.

Let us not taint the memory of Corazon Aquino with false hopes and failed dreams, honor her by restoring faith in the true meaning of democracy. Only then can we be worthy of her sacrifice and call her Tita Cory.

You keep me going

Your love keeps me going, your faith in me helps me as I struggle to fight my insecurities. You keep me warm and safe and I feel comfort in your wings. When you hold me tight, when I rouse you from your sleep and you say "I love you!" I miss you... Your love keeps me sane.

Your smile eases my tired body, and the mere sight of you pushes me to keep dreaming. Yes, I dream still, even though dreaming has always failed me. The sound of your laughter gives rest to my tired soul. I look at your little hands and I wonder how such small hands can create such magic with just one touch. Your tiny little feet tells me that life goes on, to look in to the future with a sense of calm and eager anticipation. Everything is gonna be alright. I have you, I have your mother.

Uncertain as our future together, I grasp at the hope that we'll always stay together, no matter how tough things may become. You'll have me, You'll both have me. I will always be here for you.


I get tired, I get dizzy from life and hope sometimes slips away but I know I have to be strong for you, for our son.

I love you!

You keep me going.

Missing you, missing us...

I saw this in our room when I got home today...

I miss her too, I miss my wife, I miss waking up with her by my side. I come home at night to find her getting ready for work. Sometimes I find her sleeping comfortably in our room when I get home early and I struggle with the urge to wake her up or wait until 7pm or until her alarm wakes her up.

I miss her more than she thinks I do.

I miss you Mine! I hope you can hear me when I say that I miss you...

I miss spending time with you, I miss you and the warmth of your body when I hold you in my arms to hug you tight;

and I love you too Mine! Now more than ever...

Eraserheads Final Set

For the people who loved them, grew up with them and followed their music. For the 90's generation, March 7, 2009 wasn't just an ordinary night. It was a night to remember. One for the annals of our music history.

Marcus, Buddy, Raimund and Ely; or simply The Eraserheads to us. The group who came and broke into the Philippine music scene back in the 1990's with a thunderous  and paved the way for honest to goodness alternative music was on stage. Reunited again. Perhaps for the last time.

And I'm proud to say I was there, with my wife and my Tita. I missed the first one back in August and I still nag myself for that. So we went there with no tickets in hand, consoling ourselves with the thought that at least we'll get to listen to them and that's all that mattered.

But technology was kind to lend us a vision of what's happening inside. A wide screen projector allowed us to witness history. It was a chill to see them play again as one unit.

It took us an hour to park the car, but it was worth all the hassle. When we arrived, Raimund was on the mic singing Slo mo, Marcus took over frontman duties with Insomya afterwards then Ely sang Torpedo to close the 1st set. A break allowed them to rest for a while but by the time we got back near the concert grounds, they were already playing Wishing wells.

I loved the way they played Kailan, I think this was their relaxed acoustic set. When I heard the intro for Spoliarium, it was as if my heart would stop beating. I don't know if it was just me or if it was the athmosphere that was common to every Eheads fan out there but I was emotional. Maybe because of the thought that this is the last time we'll ever see them play together again. Or its because Im a softie. (as my trainer puts it... hahaha!)

 My wife and I outside the concert grounds

The posers outside

There were posers who were slam dancing outside who probably didn't really listen to Eheads but were there to make a scene and validate the authenticity of their rocker image.

There was a 5 minute break after the 2nd set. And then I heard Ely's voice saying, "Para kay Francis" The crowd chanted "Francis, Francis, Francis!" I heard that Francis was supposed to perform Superproxy that night, or was supposed to appear as s surprise guest too bad he didn't make it it would've made this event all the more spectacular. He will surely be missed.

With the crowd chanting the Master Rapper's name. Marcus gave the unmistakable intro for Superproxy, as if it was a trip down memory lane Ely followed it with Minsan. A more melodic version of Alapaap was rendered afterwards and as a tribute to Francis M. They sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope world.

My wife and I talked about what could be the most appropriate Eheads song for the finale. We both agreed it was "Ang Huling El Bimbo" and true enough when they played it a grand display of fireworks was set out to color the dark skies (and pollute the air some more; no pun intended). I tried to hide my teary eyes, and took the camera so we can take pictures. (bad segue)

Abee and me

Tita Niña and Abee

But they weren't just done yet. As we headed towards the exits (as if we were inside the concert grounds), or the parking lot I should say, we saw someone climb the stage and on the drums (from the backview of the stage) We heard the intro of Ligaya. so we went back and watched them finish off the show. A little hesitant to leave this time even after we saw the huge sea of crowd heading towards the exit again.

We enjoyed every minute of it. It would've been better if we had tickets and we were inside with the view of the stage but the songs remain the same. After all it was the music that we came for. And hearing them played again by the same band that we loved as teenagers was more than enough. It was more than enough.

When its not for you...

I have always thought that I was destined for greatness. Its a little self-serving; One might think. But that's because that's how I am built. I believe in me. I know the things I am capable of, I am aware of my potential. But the sad part of it is I might be the only one who knows that; the lone person who'll notice how good I can become. Reality will always say, you are not worthy. That's the closest you can get to success. At the bottom of the rank and file.

Is it because there are so many things that I want to do that I haven't got time to even start pursuing them. I guess not. I wanted to become a rock star. I formed my band, contributed my songwriting skills and my voice. I wanted to become a writer. So I started blogging and practiced my amateur creative writing skills. All these to no avail. (at least for now)

Fresh from graduation, the very first office that I went to was a government office. I wanted to have a career that's in line with my field of study, the initial response that I got from the HR guy was "May kilala ka ba dito?" (Do you know someone here?) I didn't fold, I asked for the officer in charge/supervisor and complained about the rude guy. Only to find out that, its just how it is. You have to know somebody to be somebody in that office. (Government offices in general).

Im not gonna start telling the story of my ill fated application at Sandigan anymore. Tragic is the apt word to describe it.

I have bitterly accepted the fact that I cannot be a tv/movie actor. I have abandoned my dreams of becoming a regular host in Eat Bulaga. Some things are just too grand. Unattainable. Unreal.

Just recently I tried to apply for a post at the Senate. I went there, with my crushed spirit and the last few ounces of hope that somehow I might make it. I will finally get a job that I truly love. When I learned that it was in an office that stands proud with integrity, I was even more excited.

Everything went well, I guess. I passed 2 interviews. But in the end, I lost again.

At the pit of desperation, I stopped breathing, I stopped dreaming, I thought to myself, will I be forever stuck in a mediocre job? Am I blessed with these gifts that are bound to rot with my decaying soul.

It wasn't for me, and yet there are so many things I can still be happy about. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son.

I can choose to stop dreaming and face the rest of my life with half dazed energy. And embrace the fact that it's just not for me.

Or I can rise above it, and finally settle my score with fate.

Epiphany

A few weeks back my then pregnant wife told me that although she’s excited to see our son, she says she’ll miss him. She’ll miss being with him everyday. She’ll miss the thought that our baby is just curled up inside her, taking him wherever she goes.

I will never know how it feels to be pregnant, to have a person growing inside you, to go through all the hormonal changes and discomfort that a woman/mother experiences as she lets another person into this world. But I felt for her, I knew exactly what she meant. She loves our son and she wants to be with him, care for him in a way that we men as part of the male species will never get the chance to have.

And so I thought that’s just the way it is for parents. For a mother in particular, It was like an epiphany of what’s she’s going to feel twenty or thirty years later. When our son decides to live a life of his own, have his own family and leave the home he was curled, tucked in every night, nurtured and cared for all his life. Just like when he leaves his mother’s womb that hollow feeling of separating from the fruit of your loins will always be there. And its inevitable no matter how hard you try.

As a father, we will be feeling all these emotions too, like a giant wave that crushes to the ocean floor it will pound us, and leave us with that painful feeling of letting go. Yet it will always be incomparable to that link between a mother and her child. After all, we wouldn’t all be here if it weren’t for our mother, who carried us for nine (10 months actually) months, we bathe with her, went to places with her, ate with her. Everything that transforms us to what we are happened through her.

I can never describe in words what I felt when I first saw my baby boy, our baby boy. And I can imagine my wife feeling the same. He has finally arrived. We worry for him, we miss him when he is not in sight, that’s how it is and that’s how it will be. My mom always used to say, you’ll only realize how hard it is to become parents when you have kids of your own.

The journey begins, and our long wait is over. We can feel anxious about his future and that’s normal, we all are. We welcome him with open arms and all our love. “I can hardly wait to see you come of age, but in the meantime…” (John Lennon, Beautiful Boy) He is our baby boy.

He is our son.

For Jaden

October 25, 2008

3:38 pm

Dearest Jaden,

I’m right here outside the Operating Room where your mom was taken, more than an hour and a half ago. Im scared. Im scared for you and your mom. I wanted so much to be there by your mom’s side. So I could at least hold her hand. I know she’s scared too, but I can see how she’s trying to hide it, not because she doesn’t want me to see her real feelings but because she wants to be brave. She’ll be brave for you.

In a few hours, you’ll be here. I don’t know how long will it take for the doctors or the nurses allow me to see you but I sure am excited. I want to see you come out safe, I want to see your mom and hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. I love you both you and your mom, more than anything else in this world.

If I could trade places with your mom, I would, I don’t want to see her in pain, but that’s not possible. So all I can do is sit here and wait, and pray that you’ll both come out alright. Nothing can ease my fears right now but the sight of you and your mom. There are a thousand feelings I can’t even begin to describe right now and I wish they will all be replaced with the joy of seeing you for the first time, the relief of seeing your mom open her eyes and look for her son, our son.

She will be fine, you will be fine, she’ll look at you and her tired body will feel as though she never went under the knife. I will see her face light up once she sees you. And I will be standing there watching you both, eager to let your mom hold you for the very first time. This is all I hope for, and all I pray for.

I’ll be seeing you in a while. :)

Love,

Daddy

Independent Asian Music TV

The biggest gathering of indie band performance in the country!


And also the opening of the newest international music channel

INDEPENDENT ASIAN MUSIC TV



With performances from foreign indie bands including

the two very fist Filipino Indie Band to rock with the foreign bands

AIRPORT DRAMA and MOON SIREN



With special live performances from


Killer Kamatis
Pseudonym
Tabass
Tanya Markova
Carpe Diem
Codename Adobo
Pentaspiral

This will be held @ Hard Rock Café, Makati (near Glorietta 3)

October 30,2008 @ 7:00PM

Entrance Fee @ PHP400



PLEASE SUPPORT THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME SPECIAL EVENT AND SUPPORT FILIPINO INDIE MUSIC



brought to you by

MUSIC ZONE ENTERTAINMENT

You are here

People are born, we grow up, we'll have our first set of teeth and lose it for the permanent ones, and we will probably lose one or two if we dont care enough for them. We'll go to school, enter into relationships, and, lets cut to the chase, we''ll all grow old. We will either live to become Michael Phelps, or we will sink into mediocrity and become a bitter version of a lifeless dream. Our lives are defined by our constant struggle towards a vision we created. What happens next is up to us, and fate cannot be blamed for what happens neither does circumstance have a share of the consequence. Its either you make or break. Its your call.

Yet with all the uncertainty that taints the clarity of what we aspire to become, we remain unnerved. We fight for every step we take, we gamble with every breath and take the risk of enhaling fumes that are harmful even for the harmless. Lets face it. We are here, You are here. And again, that old cliche, Make the most of what we have, Seize the day! Carpe Diem. We need all the inspiration we can get from people who have gone ahead of us. Take their advice. Take the bold step. Become what you aspire to be. Never be afraid to fight for what you believe, because in the end, nothing really matters. We will all die anyway, but I would rather fight for something I firmly believe in than die for a lie. Or die without trying to see the light.

Believe in your dream. Believe in goodness. For that is all we can cling to, no matter how dark the world turned out to be and will become in the future that is the only hope we have left. The world has become a crazy place, but you are sane. You are still sane.

You are here.

Waiting

My dearest one,

Its not gonna take too long before I finally see your face, before I can touch your hands and I can't wait to feel your fingers around mine. A tight grip as if to say, Im here, I am finally here.

I am excited to see you, I want to hold you and feel your body close to my chest, close to my heart. The warmth of my embrace will keep you safe, will make you feel loved.

She's going to be very exhausted, your mom. But at the sight of you, all her pain from the previous hour or so will gently be eased away. Her tired body will heal in an urgent sense of relief. You are the one we've been waiting for.

And you will be here.

I can't wait to see your first smile, the first time you open your eyes and see us. You are our love. And though I know you'll never have a recollection of that instant. That one single moment will live in my memories until the day I die.

I can't wait to hear your first word, or perhaps the first syllable you will ever utter, it will be like music. Far better than Mozart or Beethoven or the Beatles, no, not even close.

Your first step, your first fall, the first time you'll ride a bike, I can wait to see and watch you grow.

I love you Jaden! I love you my son.

Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you...

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)
John Lennon

Close your eyes,

Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run and your daddy's here,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,


Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,


Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime...

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,


Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,


Darling,
Darling,
Darling Sean.

John Lennon wrote this song for his son Sean Lennon, now Im singing this to my son, Jaden. I love you so much!

Sept 16 2006

Today, I look forward to meeting you, to get a chance to know you. And for the first time in the 8 years I've known you, I'll finally get to hear what's on your mind.
It may not be that grand, I may not be able to get you to share your whole life, you'll have your reservations as I will have mine. Because after all, this is the first time I'll "see" you.

Our first date?

I got up and draw a smile on my face, I woke up feeling perky and all, I don my red poloshirt and head towards the terminal.

I leaned towards the glass of the commuter van I rode on my way to you and heave a nervous sigh, and I wonder, what's it going to be like? Straining to walk and dragging my bag I headed towards the entrance practicing my facial gestures all in the effort of concealing my anxiety.

I am confident as I am insecure. What if she gets turned off? What If I dont win her?

I have to win her...

Struggling to keep my composure, I decide to change my outfit, I have to wear my best shirt, I have to be irresistible.

And there you were, sitting in a coffee shop with a book in hand. I slowly walked towards you.

That first smile, first gesture to walk with me, first word exchange.

Oh how I still cherish that moment...

A band loudly plays their music, we pause to watch them and then I say "let's walk"

And so we left, we rode a jeep and decided to walk, in a desperate move to set the romantic mood, I tried to hold your hand... The first time I held your hand.

Who would've thought that 2 years after, you'll be walking down the aisle towards me to say I do? that you and I will share life that all started with that "walk" that a life will start and we'll soon wait for our boy to walk?

Two years after, the memory lingers but is gradually fading as we both age, soon a long stare to our past is as good as a faint glimpse, but we both know we still have a lifetime to share and build memories for.

September 16, 2006, our day at SM Manila, and the then glorious Baywalk.

Happy 1st date Anniversary!

I love you!

Eraserheads Reunited

I always thought it was possible, and after so many years, it finally happened!

I always prayed that people will still get the chance to see them, onstage singing their hits, unlike the Beatles who never got the chance to play again because John Lennon got shot, it would be a gift for this new generation of music lovers to see them play and so it did.

Even if it was cut short because of that incident with Ely Buendia, it was still worth it.

Too bad I relied so much on the Red list ticket thing. I wasn't able to come. But seeing it happen, even just reading articles is enough for me to be thankful.

Thank you Eraserheads! Thank you for your music!

Sunset

He remembers it clearly. As if it happened just a while ago, every second of it, like a vivid lucid dream, the smell of the air, the grasses beneath his feet. that one moment of tranquility brought by that heavenly vision. The sunset.

And to his right, with her hand in his, the woman he loves, they share that perfect scene that could have lasted forever. She leans over and kisses him. He smiles, whispers a short prayer and tells her " I love you..." In his heart he prays that none of it would end, their love would endure all odds, and if God permits, the sunset.

But no. That's the beauty of the sunset, it has to end. The cycle must go on. The sun rises, gradually spreads and fills the earth with light, at noon, it burns ever more radiant like everything it touches would burn into a cinder, then it slowly calms down. The fire rages and surges and we are deceived. Watching it from afar, we see it die out and claimed by the night, captured and enslaved by the dark, but its flame... it lingers on.

Hands clasped together, he silently prays that like the sunset they are watching, their love wont die out, just as the sun rises and sets it will always be rekindled by fire, a million tomorrows, a thousand and times more goodbyes to each day that passes, that vision of forever will live with them.

The blue sky breaks into an orange outburst, almost like crimson. God's own hand colors it blue, violet, red orange, electric sky shimmers with light. A dazzling display of colors, the beauty and wonder of the heavens before them, serene, eternal.

They fall into a tight embrace, now he kisses her, their eyes speaks only what the heart could comprehend.

She keeps her promise.

To watch a million sunsets with him.

(photo taken by the author in Bicol March 23 2007)

Finding Ms. Carol Vessey

You search and you wonder, will there ever be that someone, who will make you feel so strongly in love, like you could do most everything to make that person yours. Something as ridiculously romantic as wearing a knight's armour to offer flowers for that truly special girl.

You thought that it's never goin to happen, and yet the many failed relationships you've had didn't stop you, too many a time you thought that was it, the sparks were flying, the color of the world around you are ever more radiant, you wake every morning with the sun smiling at you, only to find yourself waking up in the middle of a bad dream trapped in a storm and there's no one there, you find yourself freezing in the cold alone.

You wander, cross paths and collide with fate while destiny has eluded you. You are trapped in a TV show desperately wanting to be the leading man, envious of the fact that a fictional character has someone, that someone, Ms. Carol Vessey. A girl who could make you do things like hire a skywriter, shoot a fake MTV of a love song, ride a horse to church and stop a wedding. You want to be Ed Stevens, the bowling alley lawyer who'd do everything for the girl of his dreams.

You are not in love with Carol. You are looking for that someone who will make you feel the way Ed feels for Carol.



Snap out of it.

Reality will always have a way to get its grip on you.

And this time you can wipe that frown off your face.

She's been there all along. The girl of your dreams. That girl in school you've always thought was a knock out, smart and witty. The one you constantly annoyed because that's how you are when you like someone. You thought that would get her attention and in some twisted way you thought that was cute.

You have found that person who makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

Someone who promises to watch a million sunsets with you. Someone you'll fall deeply in love with.

You found your Carol Vessey.

[photos from stuckeyville.com from the Ed TVseries starring Tom Cavanagh and Julie Bowen]

Lost

I lost my favorite shirt. :(

If anyone has seen it lying on the road, or sitting on a chair somewhere. I'd be more than happy to give you a reward.

A million thanks, a thank you card, and a hug can be arranged. I will be forever grateful to you, indebted like a pig to a spider. I'll be your slave for a week. Just give me back my shirt! Please.

The first time I saw it, I knew we were made for each other, we had a special connection. Like bonnie and clyde, jeckyl and hyde, susie and geno, Kuya Bodjie and Ate Shenna. Crispin at Basilio (now, where did that came from?) I felt like I was home when I wore it, it embraced me, savoured every sweat I had, and I bought it for just a hundred bucks.

Now it's gone.

Here is the last known photograph of the famed black longsleeves I call Banjo.



Mommy: Burara ka kse kung san' san mo siguro nilalagay!!
Jaymie: San mo ba huling sinuot yun?
Mary: Kuya Jay, wala sa'kin
Erwin: ha? ano?!

Me: Bakit di ka man lang nagsabi, sana nagpakuha muna ako ng picture na suot ka... Iiwan mo din pala ako..

Angel Locsin: Sayang ang cute mo pa naman pag suot mo yun...


Im losing my mind.

Love and Hope

You give meaning to my life, new dreams, new hope. I wish you will stay for good, I wish you will find your home with me. I pray that I can hold on to you forever, never let go. And you will say there's no turning back. "I am yours, and yours alone".

We may have different views on certain things, we'll have different priorities, yet I hope and pray that we'll walk together towards the same direction. We'll have fights, battles, disagreements but know that it's because we're two different persons and I have faith that we were bound to be together when our paths crossed.

I choose to love and accept you for who you are, you are part of my life now, part of who I am. Lend me your hand and I swear I'll keep holding on to it, I'll be with you every step of the way.

Courage, faith, trust.

Love and hope.

That is what you are to me.

A new dawn is breaking at 11: 24 pm