Indifference

You'd think that the world has seen the worst that mankind can ever face. Towards the end of 2019, we thought World War III was already upon us. We were scared shit that the US and Iran would really engage in an all-out war. For a time back in 2017, North Korea drew the ire of the international community with its nuclear tests. We got really worked up on the threat of their missiles, only to see ourselves, 3 years later, falling on the heels of a tiny parasite that we cannot even see under the aid of a regular light microscope but through an electron microscope: the Covid-19 or more popularly known as the Corona Virus.

History tells us that we've been through some of the world's major pandemics. The Black Death from the 1300s, the Small Pox in the 1500s; the Bubonic Plague in 1665. And hey, who can forget the pandemic that inspired Gabriel Garcia Marquez's novel "Love in the Time of Cholera" in the late 1800s? 

More recently, in the early 1900s about 40-50M were killed by the Spanish Flu. (And we thought the Ebola Virus scare in the first half of this decade was already scary enough).

So I've been thinking, out of all the known pandemics in human history, the worst of it has not been named. It cannot be seen under a light microscope or even under the $27 Million at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. We cannot see it because it resides in the human psyche, but it's far more deadly than any virus or bacteria that we can ever discover. It's indifference.

Indifference is what blinds us to overlook the plight of our fellow Filipinos who do not share the same fortune or "blessings" that we have. It's what allows us to unconsciously rub the convenience and luxury that we enjoy and announce it to the world because we feel that we are just being thankful. It's the same disease that infects the best of us when we assume that our opinion is better than others simply because we just do not agree with them, or it's against our [religious] beliefs. Worse, it's what gives the privileged few in authority to believe that their lives matter more than others and they can get tested for coronavirus while the common people are left unchecked and instantly sent to their death beds.

In contrast, it's what also drives us to lie about our travel history and condition to a physician because we feel that it's their job to care for us anyway and what prompts some people to be careless and insist on going out despite having enough provision. We do not care enough even when we appear to care so much. The truth is, some or should I say most of us just don't care about anything but ourselves.

It's what would probably kill most of us in the end. Or maybe I'm just being melodramatic.
Am I?

But unlike Covid-19, indifference is not uncurable. One does not have to be tested positive to start getting treatment and heal. Surely, we all need to heal. But when do we start healing?

We all heal when we begin to look at ourselves and realize that the sentient beings on top of Kingdom Animalia with the capacity to feel and rationalize things aren't doing enough to make the world a better place because we're all too busy making it better for ourselves and ourselves alone.

We start to heal when we look beyond messages and words. We begin to recuperate when we realize that it's not always about us and that in the grand scheme of things, we are far more connected than we think we are. Lines may have been drawn to keep us distant but we will soon find ourselves warm because we refused to leave out others in the cold.

Reference: https://www.visualcapitalist.com/history-of-pandemics-deadliest/

Clarity

Its that moment when you have to blink your eyes a couple of times to see through the mist,  as your vision struggles to see through the thin and thick of the fog and smog, the smoke and the dust slowly disappears. Like opening a window after the sun rises. You see the world and you see clearly.

Its that morning after a struggle, when the pain and arrows of every hurtful word, and the sharp curves of melancholy has pierced through the warm walls of sorrow. The last teardrop has fallen, and you see all that is left of you.

Its that afternoon in front of a carousel, when its dizzying and blinding circles of laughter has stopped and all you see is the joy left in a child's eyes. Its's when you know for sure where you stand, what you believe, whom you love and who you will fight for.

Its when the dust turns crystal and you see everything clearly.

Its when you see the smile on your children's faces and the face of the woman you vowed to be with for eternity.

I can see you clearly now.

The Struggle for Good Governance

After 2 years of working for the government, and a decade of pursuing what I'd like to call my "dream job", I find myself at the crossroads of battling perspectives. One way says, there is hope. The other route offers a more negative inclination to that almost surreal and bitter reality that is: there is no way our country is going to rise above corruption and that all the efforts of the present administration to fight it is nothing but a staged farce; a soap opera designed to lure the public into believing that YES, our savior is here at last: Bright days ahead for the country.

Let me leave the issue about the pork barrel and the "Napolist" to the expert solons of the legislative branch, (I'm damn sure the great Greek Athenian and Statesman Solon must be rolling in his grave now, having used his name to refer to our "honorable" senators) who I'm damn sure can handle it will all due prudence and wisdom. Leave it to the irony that is, 12 of the members of the body conducting the legislative inquiry are actually implicated on the scandal. Dear friends, that is the gruesome reality that we have been fated to endure as citizens of this blessed country. 

Allow me to ponder on what's more tangible, what we, as public servants and as ordinary citizens of this god forsaken country encounter every day: The constant tussle between principle, character, and vested interests. Of course we’ll always have that eternal excuse of fighting for our own survival. The “Me” against “You”. Lest we forget what we stand for, rather what our/your department/agency stands for.

The struggle for good governance is a struggle from within. For how can we lead other people to that narrow path of righteousness if we keep on swaying the other way? Take the case of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) for example. To say that the SK only serves as a breeding ground for corruption or future corrupt politicians is a fallacy. It is only when you corrupt their innocent minds that will make them what we are all scared they will become.

Corruption takes on different forms. It doesn’t only take embezzlement of public funds or a plundering government official to rape a country’s economy and its people. In philosophical, moral or even theological discussions, corruption may be defined as a deviation from an ideal. It can take as simple as coming in to work at 10 am and leaving by 3pm while taking a whole day’s worth of pay to something “petty” as pocketing a dime out of an activity intended for the public or something far more impressive like an old government employee who prides himself with his cunning mischievous ways and expects you to respect that he has in fact set a precedence of moral impunity.

I do not know how long the fires of idealism would burn for me. I do not know if 5 to 10 years from now, I will no longer be the writer of this piece but a subject of it. But if I do drown with that overflowing river of complacency and decadence, tap me on the back and slap me with a quote or 2 from this article while kicking me on the nutsack.

I remember a line from Conrado De Quiros’ “The Idealism of the Youth” that says “There are many pitfalls along the way. In this country more than others, those pitfalls are everywhere waiting to waylay you. Chief of them is the criteria of success this society will inexorably impose on you. Criteria that have to do with how much wealth and power you have accumulated. You have neither, you will be judged a failure. You want neither, you will be deemed obscure.”

The struggle for good governance is a struggle from within. It does not depend on whether or not those three senators (and the rest of them guilty) will be jailed or fed to a colony of fire ants. It is within amongst us, ordinary citizens and public officials, slowly rising and taking on the responsibility of our calling, of our oath.

Only then can it be won.

Death of a dream

It is said that there’s always 2 sides to a story but when a story involves death or in this case suicide, the easiest way to go for some is to point fingers. When emotions get the better of us, in most cases we become inclined to pass judgment on others. We view the facts distortedly, create biased assumptions, and to some extent build an air of hate and contempt. In Kristel’s passing one could only wish that there won’t be 2 suicides or another suicide to this story.

Kristel died the day she mourned what she thought was the death of her dream. It could be a fact or it could be just my biased assumption, I do not know. We may never know for sure what was going on inside her head during her last few minutes. And to say that she was too weak or that she could have been stronger had she turned to God or Faith and she might have survived would be hypocritical of us. People have different thresholds when it comes to pain or frustration, and for her, it could have been the last straw. We could go on and on about what she could have done, what she should have done, or what her family should have done to prevent her from taking her own life but that’s what I think is the wrong angle to ponder on.

UP Professor and Columnist Randy David wrote "When the poor’s access to good education is blocked by their lack of capacity to pay, education becomes yet another contributing factor in the reproduction of inequality. This is what has happened in the Philippines.  By transferring to the private sector the main responsibility for providing quality education at all levels, the government in effect reinforces the inequality that is found everywhere in our society. The resulting lack of educational qualification of the poor then becomes the warrant for their further exclusion and marginalization.  Education has to be harnessed as a means to interrupt this intergenerational transfer of inequality." So much energy has been wasted on debates about her suicide, who to blame, was it the only way out etcetera etcetera when in fact there is no one culprit that we can pin the blame on. 

I am in awe when I see articles written about her suicide that tries to dissect her death as if they're experts in psychology and sociology. Even worse are the ones that put her suicide in such a bad light just to stress on their own mightiness that they would never resort to such a thing as unforgiveable as suicide because they have God, or they know better to try other solutions. Blessed are those who have never once had a problem paying their expensive tuition. You have all the right to criticize her. 

The bigger story here is the death of a dream, that was choked and strangled by a stifling system. Today Kristel's body will finally be laid to rest. Yet I wish that her dreams would not be buried along with her  but rather may it live through the students who still carry that passion for knowledge the way she did. 

True Justice for Kristel means access to good education, true reforms, greater state subsidies to state education and that her death did so much to change our state policies towards education.

Moments

I came across this great piece from the late great George Carlin and I thought it would be nice to start the New Year on a positive note. Happy 2013 Everyone!

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

-George Carlin

New age politics: The Dawn of the Tarpaulins

Illustration by Manix Abrera

I miss the days when all you can see on the streets come election time are streamers bearing the candidate's name and their undying call to Vote Wisely or Vote Straight. Back when being wise wasn't just a word but a common occurrence. or when the word straight wasn't used to denote sexual preference but an adjective to describe a line.

As if words can never be enough to describe human misery, man or the devil himself invented a new way to taunt our existence, along came...

The dawn of the Tarpaulins.

And all hell broke lose. 

The next generation politicians are now more equipped to flash a wide eyed semi- smile. A half grin, half-constipated mask of genuine sincerity now plagues the streets of the country. 8 months prior to the May elections, and 5 months before the actual campaign period starts. The mission to lure the clueless and the gullible majority starts early too.

I don't know of any study that would support my hypothesis, but I don't think I would need statistics to back up my claim that the busiest and perhaps the most profitable period for those who run the printing businesses here in the country, particularly that of the graphics/tarpaulin is during election period which normally starts a year before the election. It's when the aspirants start to adorn the streets with their faces, or the incumbent mayor running for re-elections writes a litany of their accomplishments and puts them on... tarpaulins.

Or just literally finds any occasion worthy of posting a tarpaulin.

Should the use of tarpaulins be regulated?

Unless:

1. It's my birthday.

2. It's a photo of Georgina Wilson.

3. There are no hungry evacuees/ typhoon victims waiting for the honorable politician to come and grace them with their presence for the food to be finally be distributed after the photo ops 

4. It is used to communicate plans, programs and activities of the local government unit.

Rather than the close up smile that we see on tarpaulins, or the empty accomplishments posted on walls. People should concentrate more on the platform/ track record of the candidates. Voting wisely isn't a bad idea. Unless its the last name of your crooked congressman.

Riding the Magnum Bandwagon

Over the last 3 weeks, so much has been said about this one brand of Ice Cream, so much attention has been given to it that the logic of it already escapes me. One would argue, its just good branding, an excellent job done by the marketing people from Unilever. To be able to create such big a hype and have people drooling over an Ice Cream is just a testament to how powerful the use of social media nowadays. You got to hand it over to them. 

What is Magnum then? What's so special about this ice cream that everyone just seem to want to get their mouths dirty and painted with it? Is it really that good? I had the rare pleasure of trying out this "royal" ice cream back in Singapore and I found nothing regal about it. Having a sweet tooth myself, Id say it was just okay. Its definitely not something that I would rave about.

Taste is relative though, as one might say. But in this case, taste is irrelevant. Forget the belgian chocolate. Taste has now become pop culture. Put anything on Twitter and Facebook and have people talking about it and once it becomes a trending topic, everyone would want to get their hands on it. It doesn't matter if its Aling Selya's Dinuguan or Mang Popoy's pisbol (fish ball). The key is to have people talking about it. It's a known fact. The more people talking about it, the more credibility the product gets regardless of its real value.

What is Magnum then? And what has it created? Magnum now represents a virus that is slowly killing intellect and is now reducing people into mere social status. Magnum represents the "IN" crowd. "I can buy this and eat it, I will take a picture of me eating it and upload it on Facebook and everyone will know I can shell out P50 for one special pinipig Ice cream."

Before there was Magnum, there was "Pompeo checked in at Eastwood" Kurdapya was at Bora, (Oh don't even start with that whole Boracay is BORA thing) Jun jun is now having lunch at Fish N' Co. Mercy just bought herself a new Ermes Bag "Ay shit! di ko nakita wala palang H!" (Oh Shit! Its missing the letter H!)

From the blog www.certifiedfoodies.com, the author Mhel wrote "For us regular peeps, Magnum Ice Cream is a very affordable high quality ice cream and we won’t mind paying Php 50 for it. Magnum is more of a luxury indulgence for people on a budget."

I won't go into a debate about categorizing who's in that "Regular Peeps" status bracket but yeah I guess I won't mind explaining this to families that struggles to live on P100 a day. Moreso, try validating the line "...it's the poor man's Haagen Dazs".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Magnum hater. I won't say no if someone would pay for it for me. I might even try buying it myself. But I surely won't go through all that trouble of holding off on the second bite just so I can take the best picture for my Facebook wall.

Our society is in decline. We don't seek for knowledge or information that matters anymore. We surround our lives with names and all things popular. Our society now cares for how one can fit in. And how easy it is to jump on a bandwagon. True, Magnum is just an ice cream, let the ones who can pay for it do whatever the hell they want with their money. In the end, what defines us as human beings isn't the ice cream or the food we eat and the clothes we wear. It's how we live our lives and affect others.

I just hope to see more of this.

How are you?

How are you?

Those 3 words, used to be very easy to answer. I can hardly remember the day when it was so easy to say "Im fine". When saying "I'm good" came inevitable with a smile. When those words didn't seem so hard to comprehend. When asking "and you?" was said with a wish that the other person asking was also doing well. Yes, there was a time when "How are you?" seemed the nicest thing to hear. The dark sense of dread of not knowing how to answer seemed so alien and was otherwise comforting.

And now I'm finding it more and more difficult to answer it. I'm constantly stuck in a pause not knowing what other words to concoct without sounding miserable. And sometimes even hearing "how are you?" makes me cringe and curl into a ball of melancholy. 

I want to be able to say "I'm fine" again and not feel hollow. I want to be able to smile and laugh in its most sincere form. I want to be able to look at the sun and bathe in its glorious sunshine without feeling the chills, without feeling cold. 

I want to come home.

And then I can meet every "how are you?" with a resounding "I'm perfectly alright".

For Kurt

Dear Kurt Brandon,

I have imagined this moment a hundred times. I'll be sitting in my room composing what would be my first letter to you. I imagined it would be a few weeks before you are born, but time has caught up with me and I find myself in the middle of wanting to come home and see you, and being stuck in a foreign land for a couple more weeks before I finally get to lay my eyes on you.

Nothing could have ever prepared me for this. When you're mom sent me the message that she was about to admitted to the OR to bring you into this world. I was stunned, I didn't know what to do. My mind was racing with the thought of catching the first flight back to Manila. I froze and I found myself calling your mom's number with tears running down my cheeks.

You have to know that I wanted to be there, I wanted to see it through. I wanted to be there for your mom to hold and comfort her before she gets admitted to the delivery room. I wanted to see you come out of the nursery. I wanted to be the first to hold you and place you in your mother's loving arms when she wakes up and looks for you, just like I did when your brother was born.

What I really wanted to say my son is that I love you as much as I love your big brother Jaden. I know things are going to be very different because I won't always be around but that doesn't mean that I love you less. I promise to make things better and I know in time we will all be together.

I love you son, there is nothing else that I long for than to feel your tiny little fingers curl around mine as if it were your tight embrace. But for now, all that has to wait. I'll see you soon!

Love,

Daddy

Cyberdaddy

Yesterday, my son woke up from a nap and my wife told me that he was looking for me, in between tears he was calling me and then came the heartbreaking line "My daddy is stuck on a laptop...".

To my son, his father has now been reduced to a 4x6 inch character he sees on the laptop that he fondly calls daddy. Gone are the afternoons he would ride his car with me watching him from a distance. The 10am bath time we used to share is now a distant memory that is now probably fading from his young mind.

Sometimes late at night I'd wake up and find myself longing to hear him cry and ask for milk. A few months before I left for Singapore, I spent a lot of time with him. I knew I was leaving and my wife said it would be a good idea to have this bond before I finally leave home and work abroad. Everyday I felt more and more closer to him and everyday it became harder for me to leave. I was in constant pain the whole time, add that to the fact that I was leaving my expecting wife. But that's another story.

I never imagined I would have to live and work abroad. I've never dreamt of it. Not even in an alternate universe would I have wished to be separated from my family let alone my son and my wife. I've always thought I'd always be there for see and watch him grow. I wanted to hear him  play his first note, or watch him in his first basketball game or piano recital. I told myself that I will never miss any milestone in my sons life. I know I would never be a perfect father but at the very least I wanted him to have a father who was always there for him.

Now his daddy got stuck on a laptop.

For my son, Jaden, this is what I want you to know.

I love you! Never question that. Your mommy and I loves you so much. And when we say you mean the world to us, it means we will do everything to give you everything even if it means not being with you for a while. And  I know and I have faith that we will get through.

I may miss some of your birthdays, but you have to know how badly I want to be there. I may miss some of your games but you should know I would always try to be there. 

When trying is not enough I will do more than just try, I will be there.

Daddy misses you a lot. I think of you everyday. You and your mom are my source of strength. You inspire me to persevere and work hard, and to be tough when things get real rough.

But for now, I'll just be an image you see on the computer, your silly dad who sings "Elmo's world" and Yo Gabba Gabba songs.

I love you!

-Cyberdaddy Jay