I don't wanna be the one

I first heard this song on Xmas eve 2002, Jeff and I were cruising C5 on our way home from Paranaque. It struck me down to my every nerve, feeling every word of it, but not wanting to accept how real it is.
This morning I fell asleep again from crying while this song played in my CD player..
Tears forever...

Let Me Be The One
Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leavin'
I didn't know
Somebody told me you're unhappy
But it doesn't show
Somebody told me that you don't want me no more (no..)
So you're walkin' out the door
Nobody told me you've been cryin'
Every night
Nobody told me you'd been dyin'
But didn't want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I'm settin' you free...

Let me be the one to break it up
So you won't have to make excuses
We don't need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time
And goodbye...

Somebody told me you still loved me
Don't know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again

...Just turn around and walk away
You don't have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don't keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart...

Let me be the one..

I cannot understand why a love that seemed so real will fade out and turn into a lie..
I did not walk away nor turned away from you neither did I gave you up..
I just gave you what you wanted.
Because I love you.
Now I await for my doom or salvation.

I envy you...
because you know you will always have my heart, no matter what happens.

and you can come back...

This is my curse...

to love is to risk not being loved in return...


This song goes well with the song above..

Fool to the end
Paolo Santos

Somewhere,
Lost in the wind
Im watching you,
Sunlight touchin'
your hair
And I remember
Somehow,
We said that we
would never stray
But somehow we lost our way
Promises too often spoken
are easily broken apart

and I'm ready this time
I know that I'll
no longer undecide it
and I don't wanna be
a fool wondering
what might have been

Trace of forever
Lingerin'
Drawin' me closer
to you...
a new beginning
Now I know
there is no doubt
I understand
Just how fragile
love can be
I can't forget
your memory by me
Now I know
where I belong

Through everyday
into the night
we got love
to guide us
and I don't wanna be
a fool wondering
what might have been

With the love
in this side
I can run
I can hide...

I'm ready to go
My heart will show
That I'm ready this time...

Search everywhere
nothing compares
but only love to guide us

...and I don't wanna be...
a fool wondering
what might have been...
...I'm wondering
what might have been...
...We're gonna find
what might have been...
...I've got to know
what might have been...

... and so I wait for that day, because I don't wanna be a fool wondering what might have been...

Rain fell at 12:04 pm

**11*09**

When Mom asked

Shock came in a fist of a wisp...
Mom asked me "Nagkikita ba kayo ni Eyen?", it was something that I did not expect my mom would ask me and frankly I don't want to talk about it.
Not with her...
I just said, "Next month pa..."
then I made her feel that I didn't want to talk about it by turning my eyes directly into the TV set.
I don't want her to feel that I'm taking it real bad.
This goes way beyond the comfort zone and being at home...

Rain fell at 6:50 pm