Orange Mocha Frapuccino Sky

I remember this weird, nauseous headache when stepped out of the movie house the day she and I watched this film. Now its playing on HBO and I wanted to watch it again, I tried.. too bad. Our medicine cabinet ran out of paracetamol.
And I ended up in front of the PC again... writing memories of Vanilla Sky and my dreams. My dreams that are mostly about her and she coming back to me which you all know (I mean for those who frequent this pathetic blog) have always been the cherry on top of my black forest cake, the blue berry on my cheese cake, the strawberry on my sundae. My heaven on a wild flower... the soul of this blog.
Her.
I ache for her...
Pathetic.
Crestfallen.
Desperate.
Absurd.
Me and my coffee.


"don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not?"

so true...I believe in that. It has to be that way or you'll end up just using the person.

If she comes back in a dream world I'd rather be stuck on it. Happiness is this, being with her.

"You'll never know the exquisite pain of a guy who goes home alone..."

(Italics taken from Vanilla Sky)

Rain fell at 1:28 am

**11*09**

Eternity

I was reading Memnoch the Devil when I suddenly forced myself to snap out of it. The last time I read the book was when I was in my sophomore year in college. Time really flies, that's almost five years now. And I hate the guy who borrowed that book because he never returned it to me.
Clearly, you can picture out that I'm an Anne Rice fanatic but that's not the reason why I'm writing. Yet there must be some connection to it and what prompted me to write. I'm not even halfway through the book and I barely finished reading page 198. Lestat (the protagonist vampire of the story was taken into heaven by Memnoch and he was describing what heaven is, how "joy" was everywhere and suddenly the innate fear in me quickly overwhelmed my entire being.
I haven't shared this to anyone, not even with my best friends, I'm not sure or I don't recall telling it to anyone simply because I myself find it an utterly damnable feeling.
I fear heaven.
And hell.
The same way I feel that eternity is boring.
When I was a kid I've had sleepless nights because of the thought that if I die and went up to heaven I'd be singing with the choirs of heaven forever. Who knows how long forever is? We'll all be hugging and kissing and loving each other everyday for the rest of infinity.
Ain't that grand?
You realize that I've been pondering these thoughts when I was a kid. and I mean a kid not a teenager... and I was bored of it.
It's the same way with hell, eternal torment...
Eternity is a bore?
So what could be the resolution to my proposition? (if this can even pass for a premise)
The question is, would everything be different if we were happy and loved? If this is what heaven can offer does that mean you can never find it here on earth? Which could mean Hell must be earth itself? Am I just telling myself that eternity would be a bore even if spent in heavenly joy because I haven't experienced it yet so much to say that it is beyond my comprehension?
What is it that joy really brings into our lives? Are we to find contentment in something that makes us happy in the course of our every routine?
I think that eternity offers no more than anything we have in this world except for the pain and suffering and that is what we truly live for if not for its gain. I think that what comes between heaven and hell is just the sorrow that we so loathe which makes the concept of being a being limited if you cannot feel both.
And that is why an angel fell.
We'll come to that later.

**11*09**

The Morning Girl

The Morning Girl became the stuff of late night news last night and the night before.
Apparently, she broke up with the mayor after being poked with a gun.
Now everyone seems to emphatize if not symphatize with her.
And that includes me.
Except that I don't go with her regretting the things she gave for love.
Call me crazy or stupid, trivial or insane.
But that is not how I love.
She said" I loved you without counting the costs" that should be, but now she's auditing her heart.
I understand that she's doing this to defend herself. Because the guy has aired his other side of the story which made her look like the "Bella Flores" of the whole show.
No one really knows the truth except for them.
All I really wanted to say is.
Bring back game ka na ba?

Rain fell 1:50 pm