Half awake, half dreaming

For four times this morning I got up from my bed, to check if someone's on the door,... all times I thought it was her. And I realized I was just dreaming. I imagined seeing her in my bed rousing me from sleep to tell me that she's back. She held me and I held her back, only to find out I was just crushing my pillow and that I'm still alone in my room, Just like yesterday and the many yesterdays before it.
I thought it would be easy, that night when we talked about the [ s p a c e ] thing. I was calm and I was happy with the thought that she chose this rather than leaving. At least I'll still have a chance to have her again... now this...
I'm half awake and half dreaming. I dare to dream with half-shut eyes illusions that are never meant to console.
And all I can do is heave a sigh...

"Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms.
Whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still belive.
But then the emptiness of a burning sea against which we see
our darkest of sadness.

Until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.
When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?"

-Jane Siberry, it can’t rain all the time
from The Crow OST

**11*09**

mourn

I lost a friend last night.

Partly my fault I guess, but I will never regret a thing I said.

No remorse.

She deserved the words I hurled.

And frankly, I don't give a damn...

Or do I?

**11*09**

Faith

I still have faith in us...

I may not see you...

I may not be able to hold you...

I may not feel that you're still there...

Faith is the essence of things unseen...

Rain fell at 3:28 pm