Not a day
This letter is for her, the sad part is I can't give this to her because that would spoil all my chances in having her back...this will tell her how much I love her still, how she remains the sole keeper of my heart... time can only tell if she'll be able to read this. I'm pouring my whole heart out...
September 30,2003
Dearest Baby,
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are never off my mind... and even as I sleep my mind is held captive by your gaze. I feel your lips on my nape as if you were there still and I can only sigh in dismay once I wake and realize that it wasn't real. I'm alone and I ache for you.
Not a day goes by that I don't pray for you to come back and I, though losing hope would find solace in thinking that perhaps you will hear my prayers as I scream it out loud hoping that it would fall on God's seemingly deaf ears. Perhaps you yourself would heed my call.
Not a day goes by that I don't wish that you still think of me somehow, that somewhere along the course of your everyday life you remember me and how much I love you.
Not a day goes by that I don't dread the thought that you may never come back, November will come to forever take you away from me. Not a night goes by that I don't cry...
Not a day goes by that I don't pray that you're safe and that you're not as miserable as I am. I want you to be happy the same way that I want to be the one who can make you happy in the end.
Not a day goes by that I don't shed a tear for you. Someone said that tears will run dry soon enough for you to forget you ever cried. That is so not true.
You once told me, "You lived and survived for 21 years without me, You'll move on when I'm gone" I tell you now. I would rather have spent my entire life searching for you if I had known you would only be with me for a while.
But that "while" isn't just enough for me to share my love for you.
Please take me in your heart once more, if that would be my last breath of you. Let it be... maybe somehow you'll know I'm still the one, the only one you need.
I love you Baby.
Yours forever,
Jay
Rain fell at 12:21 am
**11*09**
tado's stupid words of wisdom
1] Its perseverance and study well and good sleeping habits
2] Kumain ng taho, upang di mabilanggo. { eat soya, jail the pusher}
3] Sa panahon ng krisis. Ehersisyo ang kailangan. {in times of crisis, exercise is the best}
4] Ang paborito kong artista ay si Dennis Roldan { In loving memory of Dennis Roldan Rest in Peace Homies}
5] Erning ihanda mo ang auto! { Erning get naked!}
Before the Philippines' largest network hired this guy, before he became unbearably not funny at all, there was Strangebrew, there was a guy named Tado and his driver Erning.
I liked the show for its unconventional brand of humor, weird almost neurotic in some funny way. Before NBN took the show from Un TV. I would borrow Buboy's VCR just before 7 pm, go directly to my mom's room and record the show. I have 3 tapes of nine episodes (one of which is my personal favorite: the alien abduction episode) which have been my constant companion when my sad, and repressed obsessive compulsive syndrome awaits my taking.
Now I can only laugh at myself.
I wonder what it is with Channel 2 that transforms funny people into unlaughable pathetic beings of hard knockers for humor.
Or maybe I just hate seeing them at that loathsome TV station. I hate that Isko and Long and Tado are now kapamilya.
Kapuso kase ako!
**11*09**
A cursed' prayer
God, I only want to be with her one more time.
please...
Rain fell at 3:02 pm
Vivid wordy imagery of life and all its grandeur. Unsolicited Perceptions of a disoriented spectator.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Monday, September 29, 2003
photographs
I told myself I'm not going to look at your pictures but I can't help it anymore. It's the only way I can
see you. I miss you.
And as I stare at you, your face begins to blur, my eyes has started its rain of tears. And how I long to touch you and be with you, I want to hear the sound of your voice and your laughter and I want to be in your arms once more...
The window closes and I can see you no more.
The light fades out but the memory of your face
lingers on.
I miss you...
**11*09**
Rainy Sunday Night Tequila
Its been a long time since you and I had our moment together, and I have to admit that I miss you...
I really missed you Jose Cuervo, I miss kissing and sucking lemon with you...
I miss licking your salty salt...
I miss the sweat that comes right after every drink...
and the bittersweet release of my uninhibited inhibitions...
The fake heaven it offers...
Rain fell at 5:23 pm
I told myself I'm not going to look at your pictures but I can't help it anymore. It's the only way I can
see you. I miss you.
And as I stare at you, your face begins to blur, my eyes has started its rain of tears. And how I long to touch you and be with you, I want to hear the sound of your voice and your laughter and I want to be in your arms once more...
The window closes and I can see you no more.
The light fades out but the memory of your face
lingers on.
I miss you...
**11*09**
Rainy Sunday Night Tequila
Its been a long time since you and I had our moment together, and I have to admit that I miss you...
I really missed you Jose Cuervo, I miss kissing and sucking lemon with you...
I miss licking your salty salt...
I miss the sweat that comes right after every drink...
and the bittersweet release of my uninhibited inhibitions...
The fake heaven it offers...
Rain fell at 5:23 pm
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Dead Poets Sunday
The Tiger
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when, thy heart begin to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?
What the hammer? What the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dead grasp
Dare it's deadly grasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
ANd watered heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see/
Did He who made the lamb make thee?
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry.
-William Blake
Evanescence
Out of the black clouds a lightning
flash-- and lo!
Clear stands the rice field, lined with
sheaves of grain
Then the swift darkness swallows it
again
Our life is even so.
-Minamoto No Shitago
**11*09**
drastic
It's amazing. (and pretty scary too), what a broken heart can do to change a person. at least from my own point of view. It turned me into a malt junkie, an evil clown, transformed me into Gandhi, mutated me into a bat. made me a new tech junkie, and a lover of HTML code.
And I found solace from one of my own biggest frustrations: WRITING.
Never a night goes by that I don't force myself to sleep, sometimes I have to submit to Saint Michael's call and grab a bottle of beer.And even if I manage to get some sleep Daytime comes and steals me from slumber land. I've grown an almost inseparable attachment to my PC and now its seems like the only important possession I have except for the bracelet, the jacket and the things she gave me of course.
It won't take long till this throbbing and pulsating pain renders me faithless again...
I need help...
real bad.
Rain fell at 4:15 pm
The Tiger
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when, thy heart begin to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?
What the hammer? What the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dead grasp
Dare it's deadly grasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
ANd watered heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see/
Did He who made the lamb make thee?
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry.
-William Blake
Evanescence
Out of the black clouds a lightning
flash-- and lo!
Clear stands the rice field, lined with
sheaves of grain
Then the swift darkness swallows it
again
Our life is even so.
-Minamoto No Shitago
**11*09**
drastic
It's amazing. (and pretty scary too), what a broken heart can do to change a person. at least from my own point of view. It turned me into a malt junkie, an evil clown, transformed me into Gandhi, mutated me into a bat. made me a new tech junkie, and a lover of HTML code.
And I found solace from one of my own biggest frustrations: WRITING.
Never a night goes by that I don't force myself to sleep, sometimes I have to submit to Saint Michael's call and grab a bottle of beer.And even if I manage to get some sleep Daytime comes and steals me from slumber land. I've grown an almost inseparable attachment to my PC and now its seems like the only important possession I have except for the bracelet, the jacket and the things she gave me of course.
It won't take long till this throbbing and pulsating pain renders me faithless again...
I need help...
real bad.
Rain fell at 4:15 pm
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Road Trip
Went out last night, went in circles at Marikina park with Jeff on the steering wheel clueless of where we are.
And I loved it! to be stucked in the streets all night. and see those yellow lamps lighting the way to nowhere.
We reached his friend's place though and after a few hours of chatting and doing what I do best ( to be a supreme annoyance... ) We sent out again.
How I love being at the road and vulnerable to late night accidents... How I loathe the thought that it was goin' to end and I'll be stucked in my lonely room again...
**11*09**
Catatonic
cat-a-tonia: adj a conditon of suspended animation and loss of voluntary motion associated with hysteria and schzophrenia in man and with organic nervous disease in animals and characterized by a trancelike state of consciousness and a posture in which the limbs hold any position they are placed in.
...and all my defenseswent down, emotions felt unfelt and fell way down low... my mind seemed to stop for a while and I lay like a stone..., not moving, eyes wide open, mouth in a half like shriek... your love that faded rendered me catatonic...
Rain fell at 5:54 pm
Went out last night, went in circles at Marikina park with Jeff on the steering wheel clueless of where we are.
And I loved it! to be stucked in the streets all night. and see those yellow lamps lighting the way to nowhere.
We reached his friend's place though and after a few hours of chatting and doing what I do best ( to be a supreme annoyance... ) We sent out again.
How I love being at the road and vulnerable to late night accidents... How I loathe the thought that it was goin' to end and I'll be stucked in my lonely room again...
**11*09**
Catatonic
cat-a-tonia: adj a conditon of suspended animation and loss of voluntary motion associated with hysteria and schzophrenia in man and with organic nervous disease in animals and characterized by a trancelike state of consciousness and a posture in which the limbs hold any position they are placed in.
...and all my defenseswent down, emotions felt unfelt and fell way down low... my mind seemed to stop for a while and I lay like a stone..., not moving, eyes wide open, mouth in a half like shriek... your love that faded rendered me catatonic...
Rain fell at 5:54 pm
Friday, September 26, 2003
Stagnant
There are things in life you just can't change, by choice or by force it stays that way for good and there's really nothing you can do about it.
You cannot tell the rain to fall down upwards or else you'd say fall up upwards and falling up would defy gravity or there's really no such thing as falling up. Or else you will have to make a pact or a compromise with gravity.
You cannot tell the sun to shine at night or the moon would grow jealous and that would start a friction between her and the sun leaving us with nothing but darkness.
You cannot just leave and tell me not to love you anymore because this is what I feel...
and you simply just can't change it...
Rain fell at 4:15 am
There are things in life you just can't change, by choice or by force it stays that way for good and there's really nothing you can do about it.
You cannot tell the rain to fall down upwards or else you'd say fall up upwards and falling up would defy gravity or there's really no such thing as falling up. Or else you will have to make a pact or a compromise with gravity.
You cannot tell the sun to shine at night or the moon would grow jealous and that would start a friction between her and the sun leaving us with nothing but darkness.
You cannot just leave and tell me not to love you anymore because this is what I feel...
and you simply just can't change it...
Rain fell at 4:15 am
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Orange Mocha Frapuccino Sky
I remember this weird, nauseous headache when stepped out of the movie house the day she and I watched this film. Now its playing on HBO and I wanted to watch it again, I tried.. too bad. Our medicine cabinet ran out of paracetamol.
And I ended up in front of the PC again... writing memories of Vanilla Sky and my dreams. My dreams that are mostly about her and she coming back to me which you all know (I mean for those who frequent this pathetic blog) have always been the cherry on top of my black forest cake, the blue berry on my cheese cake, the strawberry on my sundae. My heaven on a wild flower... the soul of this blog.
Her.
I ache for her...
Pathetic.
Crestfallen.
Desperate.
Absurd.
Me and my coffee.
"don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not?"
so true...I believe in that. It has to be that way or you'll end up just using the person.
If she comes back in a dream world I'd rather be stuck on it. Happiness is this, being with her.
"You'll never know the exquisite pain of a guy who goes home alone..."
(Italics taken from Vanilla Sky)
Rain fell at 1:28 am
**11*09**
Eternity
I was reading Memnoch the Devil when I suddenly forced myself to snap out of it. The last time I read the book was when I was in my sophomore year in college. Time really flies, that's almost five years now. And I hate the guy who borrowed that book because he never returned it to me.
Clearly, you can picture out that I'm an Anne Rice fanatic but that's not the reason why I'm writing. Yet there must be some connection to it and what prompted me to write. I'm not even halfway through the book and I barely finished reading page 198. Lestat (the protagonist vampire of the story was taken into heaven by Memnoch and he was describing what heaven is, how "joy" was everywhere and suddenly the innate fear in me quickly overwhelmed my entire being.
I haven't shared this to anyone, not even with my best friends, I'm not sure or I don't recall telling it to anyone simply because I myself find it an utterly damnable feeling.
I fear heaven.
And hell.
The same way I feel that eternity is boring.
When I was a kid I've had sleepless nights because of the thought that if I die and went up to heaven I'd be singing with the choirs of heaven forever. Who knows how long forever is? We'll all be hugging and kissing and loving each other everyday for the rest of infinity.
Ain't that grand?
You realize that I've been pondering these thoughts when I was a kid. and I mean a kid not a teenager... and I was bored of it.
It's the same way with hell, eternal torment...
Eternity is a bore?
So what could be the resolution to my proposition? (if this can even pass for a premise)
The question is, would everything be different if we were happy and loved? If this is what heaven can offer does that mean you can never find it here on earth? Which could mean Hell must be earth itself? Am I just telling myself that eternity would be a bore even if spent in heavenly joy because I haven't experienced it yet so much to say that it is beyond my comprehension?
What is it that joy really brings into our lives? Are we to find contentment in something that makes us happy in the course of our every routine?
I think that eternity offers no more than anything we have in this world except for the pain and suffering and that is what we truly live for if not for its gain. I think that what comes between heaven and hell is just the sorrow that we so loathe which makes the concept of being a being limited if you cannot feel both.
And that is why an angel fell.
We'll come to that later.
**11*09**
The Morning Girl
The Morning Girl became the stuff of late night news last night and the night before.
Apparently, she broke up with the mayor after being poked with a gun.
Now everyone seems to emphatize if not symphatize with her.
And that includes me.
Except that I don't go with her regretting the things she gave for love.
Call me crazy or stupid, trivial or insane.
But that is not how I love.
She said" I loved you without counting the costs" that should be, but now she's auditing her heart.
I understand that she's doing this to defend herself. Because the guy has aired his other side of the story which made her look like the "Bella Flores" of the whole show.
No one really knows the truth except for them.
All I really wanted to say is.
Bring back game ka na ba?
Rain fell 1:50 pm
I remember this weird, nauseous headache when stepped out of the movie house the day she and I watched this film. Now its playing on HBO and I wanted to watch it again, I tried.. too bad. Our medicine cabinet ran out of paracetamol.
And I ended up in front of the PC again... writing memories of Vanilla Sky and my dreams. My dreams that are mostly about her and she coming back to me which you all know (I mean for those who frequent this pathetic blog) have always been the cherry on top of my black forest cake, the blue berry on my cheese cake, the strawberry on my sundae. My heaven on a wild flower... the soul of this blog.
Her.
I ache for her...
Pathetic.
Crestfallen.
Desperate.
Absurd.
Me and my coffee.
"don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not?"
so true...I believe in that. It has to be that way or you'll end up just using the person.
If she comes back in a dream world I'd rather be stuck on it. Happiness is this, being with her.
"You'll never know the exquisite pain of a guy who goes home alone..."
(Italics taken from Vanilla Sky)
Rain fell at 1:28 am
**11*09**
Eternity
I was reading Memnoch the Devil when I suddenly forced myself to snap out of it. The last time I read the book was when I was in my sophomore year in college. Time really flies, that's almost five years now. And I hate the guy who borrowed that book because he never returned it to me.
Clearly, you can picture out that I'm an Anne Rice fanatic but that's not the reason why I'm writing. Yet there must be some connection to it and what prompted me to write. I'm not even halfway through the book and I barely finished reading page 198. Lestat (the protagonist vampire of the story was taken into heaven by Memnoch and he was describing what heaven is, how "joy" was everywhere and suddenly the innate fear in me quickly overwhelmed my entire being.
I haven't shared this to anyone, not even with my best friends, I'm not sure or I don't recall telling it to anyone simply because I myself find it an utterly damnable feeling.
I fear heaven.
And hell.
The same way I feel that eternity is boring.
When I was a kid I've had sleepless nights because of the thought that if I die and went up to heaven I'd be singing with the choirs of heaven forever. Who knows how long forever is? We'll all be hugging and kissing and loving each other everyday for the rest of infinity.
Ain't that grand?
You realize that I've been pondering these thoughts when I was a kid. and I mean a kid not a teenager... and I was bored of it.
It's the same way with hell, eternal torment...
Eternity is a bore?
So what could be the resolution to my proposition? (if this can even pass for a premise)
The question is, would everything be different if we were happy and loved? If this is what heaven can offer does that mean you can never find it here on earth? Which could mean Hell must be earth itself? Am I just telling myself that eternity would be a bore even if spent in heavenly joy because I haven't experienced it yet so much to say that it is beyond my comprehension?
What is it that joy really brings into our lives? Are we to find contentment in something that makes us happy in the course of our every routine?
I think that eternity offers no more than anything we have in this world except for the pain and suffering and that is what we truly live for if not for its gain. I think that what comes between heaven and hell is just the sorrow that we so loathe which makes the concept of being a being limited if you cannot feel both.
And that is why an angel fell.
We'll come to that later.
**11*09**
The Morning Girl
The Morning Girl became the stuff of late night news last night and the night before.
Apparently, she broke up with the mayor after being poked with a gun.
Now everyone seems to emphatize if not symphatize with her.
And that includes me.
Except that I don't go with her regretting the things she gave for love.
Call me crazy or stupid, trivial or insane.
But that is not how I love.
She said" I loved you without counting the costs" that should be, but now she's auditing her heart.
I understand that she's doing this to defend herself. Because the guy has aired his other side of the story which made her look like the "Bella Flores" of the whole show.
No one really knows the truth except for them.
All I really wanted to say is.
Bring back game ka na ba?
Rain fell 1:50 pm
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Rant
@!#$%!
(with all due respect to Steph, I didn't mean to copy her work...)
*11*09**
Dog Vs. Man
Jeff and I were walking his dogs this morning when a tricycle passed by and confessed his admiration for the dogs. Mojo (the pitbull) was at the end of my chains and Jeff held Crystal (the rottweiller [did I spell it right?]).
So the trike driver sped on and we heard him say:
TODA 1: Sarap siguro pulutan niyan no?!
TODA 2: Oo naman!
A scenario came flooding my mind...
What if?
Jeff's 2 dogs were a drunk?
(Rott) Crystal: Sarap siguro pulutan nitong mga Trycicle Driver na 'to no'!(Pitbull) Mojo: oo nga e, pulutan pa lang lasing ka na!
ano nga kaya?
(TODA=Tricycle Operators Driver AsoPulutan)
Rain fell at 2:02 pm
@!#$%!
(with all due respect to Steph, I didn't mean to copy her work...)
*11*09**
Dog Vs. Man
Jeff and I were walking his dogs this morning when a tricycle passed by and confessed his admiration for the dogs. Mojo (the pitbull) was at the end of my chains and Jeff held Crystal (the rottweiller [did I spell it right?]).
So the trike driver sped on and we heard him say:
TODA 1: Sarap siguro pulutan niyan no?!
TODA 2: Oo naman!
A scenario came flooding my mind...
What if?
Jeff's 2 dogs were a drunk?
(Rott) Crystal: Sarap siguro pulutan nitong mga Trycicle Driver na 'to no'!(Pitbull) Mojo: oo nga e, pulutan pa lang lasing ka na!
ano nga kaya?
(TODA=Tricycle Operators Driver AsoPulutan)
Rain fell at 2:02 pm
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Shallow
Faith, belief, God, Heaven, hell all this is enough for one person to judge you and call you narrow and shallow.
I cannot believe it would come from someone close to me. Someone who knew me better than anyone or so I thought.
Was I wrong for asking questions? Is it enough that you doubt what the church force fed on catholics for you to be called shallow?
The beginning of inference is the beginning of knowledge.
I do not ask for miracles nor do I seek Divine intercession, I only think that the endless search for truth was called endless because we thought that there was really no answer.
There is...
And that is what I seek to find...
shallow?
**11*09**
Mokong's classic One Liners Act II
14. Kampon ka ng kulubot, para kang sayoteng nabilad sa araw! [translation: 1. Damn! You're all wrinkled up! Where did you get that shirt? 2. You got lines all over your face! 3. ancient]
15. Mestisong Bakulaw, kumakain ng hilaw! [translation: 1. Are you related to Richard Merck? 2. My! You are so hairy! 3. Jeff insisting that the squid is already done when in fact its not]
16. You're gonna wish you were never been born!
[translation: Life's like that!]
17. Kung ako sa'yo, ako ikaw [translation: If I were you, I guess not]
18. Bungeng Bangag! [translation: a metampethamine hydrochloride junkie whose canine units went out of town and promised never to return]
19. Siya na nga! Ang Bihasang Mananandata! [translation: Jack of all trades, Master of none]
20. Ahh! Bakokang na me Paa! [translation: 1. do you ever wash your face at night? 2. I therefore conclude, that this town hasn't heard yet about ESKINOL]
21. Huwag kang tatapat sa liwanag, dumidilim e! [translation: 1. How's life in Africa? 2. Kobe, is that you?]
To be continued...
**11*09**
Not falling
The day I met you, I told myself I'm not falling for you... or for anyone anymore, but I did. I fell so hard I broke my back. Now my back doesn't hurt anymore but my heart does...
Rain fell at 3:01 pm
Faith, belief, God, Heaven, hell all this is enough for one person to judge you and call you narrow and shallow.
I cannot believe it would come from someone close to me. Someone who knew me better than anyone or so I thought.
Was I wrong for asking questions? Is it enough that you doubt what the church force fed on catholics for you to be called shallow?
The beginning of inference is the beginning of knowledge.
I do not ask for miracles nor do I seek Divine intercession, I only think that the endless search for truth was called endless because we thought that there was really no answer.
There is...
And that is what I seek to find...
shallow?
**11*09**
Mokong's classic One Liners Act II
14. Kampon ka ng kulubot, para kang sayoteng nabilad sa araw! [translation: 1. Damn! You're all wrinkled up! Where did you get that shirt? 2. You got lines all over your face! 3. ancient]
15. Mestisong Bakulaw, kumakain ng hilaw! [translation: 1. Are you related to Richard Merck? 2. My! You are so hairy! 3. Jeff insisting that the squid is already done when in fact its not]
16. You're gonna wish you were never been born!
[translation: Life's like that!]
17. Kung ako sa'yo, ako ikaw [translation: If I were you, I guess not]
18. Bungeng Bangag! [translation: a metampethamine hydrochloride junkie whose canine units went out of town and promised never to return]
19. Siya na nga! Ang Bihasang Mananandata! [translation: Jack of all trades, Master of none]
20. Ahh! Bakokang na me Paa! [translation: 1. do you ever wash your face at night? 2. I therefore conclude, that this town hasn't heard yet about ESKINOL]
21. Huwag kang tatapat sa liwanag, dumidilim e! [translation: 1. How's life in Africa? 2. Kobe, is that you?]
To be continued...
**11*09**
Not falling
The day I met you, I told myself I'm not falling for you... or for anyone anymore, but I did. I fell so hard I broke my back. Now my back doesn't hurt anymore but my heart does...
Rain fell at 3:01 pm
Monday, September 22, 2003
The Last
If I were dead and God would grant me just one wish. I'd tell Him... God give me one last chance to see her. I want to feel her love one last time.
I want to spend every moment of that wish with her. I'll tell her how much I still love her so and that I'm leaving my heart to her. And then I will kiss her one last time and He can take me back so long as He promises to take care of her.
Take me now, just give me that wish...
**11*09**
Fita
I like the way they come up with TV ads nowadays, how they blend humor to ride with commercials. You see this funny ad and you'd definitely remember the product. Witty, Funny and a Smart move too.
Take this Fast Relief Alaxan ad and the mutant saleslady who went psycho with the poor customer. A lot of people found that funny... (except me of course, just a jest!) The "leave me alonnneee!" Chippy Ad, I thought that was funny too. And just recently, The Fita Fairy make a wish half of the sports car ad. (sorry, I'm not really good with synopsis but if you've seen it you'll know what I'm talking about... e pa'no nga kung hinde?! Basta abangan niyo sa TV).
If this keeps up, The only reason I'll be watching TV is to wait for commercials. And with the way things are going, I guess the reign of soap operas is bound to end. We'll be watching TV for gags in the ads! Yey!
My mom will not be happy with that, though.
2 hours at the Day Care
Eddie Murphy is one funny man.
Nope. Steve Zahn is.
Oh well, the movie was funny.
And moving...
(gee, this is why I'm never ever getting the work of a movie reviewer, I suck at it! I always pass up on film review assignments back in college, but I don't deny that I'm a movie buff...Hell I'm not!)
The part that threw me out of my seat was the daddy and son conversation between Eddie and the kid. I didn't exactly catch the words but it was something like...
Eddie: I need to work so I could buy you toys... [or something like that]
The Kid said: I'd sell all my toys, so we won't be needing toys and you don't need to work anymore so I can be with you...
Oooowww... ain't that touching?
Every kid needs a father, and not just a father per se. A father who can be both a father and a playmate, who can see to it that he sees his son grow up. A father who will teach his son basketball or play the guitar. A father who can deal with PMS ad buys his daughter push up bras (now that's a little out of his league!!!) and lastly a father who can spend quality time with his kids.
When I grow up I want to be a daddy... there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're male.
(Did I include a father who can run a day care center?).
Rain fell at 1:16 pm
If I were dead and God would grant me just one wish. I'd tell Him... God give me one last chance to see her. I want to feel her love one last time.
I want to spend every moment of that wish with her. I'll tell her how much I still love her so and that I'm leaving my heart to her. And then I will kiss her one last time and He can take me back so long as He promises to take care of her.
Take me now, just give me that wish...
**11*09**
Fita
I like the way they come up with TV ads nowadays, how they blend humor to ride with commercials. You see this funny ad and you'd definitely remember the product. Witty, Funny and a Smart move too.
Take this Fast Relief Alaxan ad and the mutant saleslady who went psycho with the poor customer. A lot of people found that funny... (except me of course, just a jest!) The "leave me alonnneee!" Chippy Ad, I thought that was funny too. And just recently, The Fita Fairy make a wish half of the sports car ad. (sorry, I'm not really good with synopsis but if you've seen it you'll know what I'm talking about... e pa'no nga kung hinde?! Basta abangan niyo sa TV).
If this keeps up, The only reason I'll be watching TV is to wait for commercials. And with the way things are going, I guess the reign of soap operas is bound to end. We'll be watching TV for gags in the ads! Yey!
My mom will not be happy with that, though.
2 hours at the Day Care
Eddie Murphy is one funny man.
Nope. Steve Zahn is.
Oh well, the movie was funny.
And moving...
(gee, this is why I'm never ever getting the work of a movie reviewer, I suck at it! I always pass up on film review assignments back in college, but I don't deny that I'm a movie buff...Hell I'm not!)
The part that threw me out of my seat was the daddy and son conversation between Eddie and the kid. I didn't exactly catch the words but it was something like...
Eddie: I need to work so I could buy you toys... [or something like that]
The Kid said: I'd sell all my toys, so we won't be needing toys and you don't need to work anymore so I can be with you...
Oooowww... ain't that touching?
Every kid needs a father, and not just a father per se. A father who can be both a father and a playmate, who can see to it that he sees his son grow up. A father who will teach his son basketball or play the guitar. A father who can deal with PMS ad buys his daughter push up bras (now that's a little out of his league!!!) and lastly a father who can spend quality time with his kids.
When I grow up I want to be a daddy... there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're male.
(Did I include a father who can run a day care center?).
Rain fell at 1:16 pm
Sunday, September 21, 2003
What God Did Not Plan On
Sleep well,
Weep well,
Go to the deep well
As often as possible.
Bring back the water,
Jostling and gleaming.
God did not plan on consciousness
Developing so
Well. Well,
Tell Him our
Pain is full
And He can
Go to Hell.
Stan Rice
24 June 93
(from Anne Rice's Memnoch The Devil)
let me hear you out on this...
as if you were robbed of sheer bliss
let your voice sing the refrain...
let me feel your pain...
Dead Poets Sunday on the House!!!
Rain fell at 12:24 am
Sleep well,
Weep well,
Go to the deep well
As often as possible.
Bring back the water,
Jostling and gleaming.
God did not plan on consciousness
Developing so
Well. Well,
Tell Him our
Pain is full
And He can
Go to Hell.
Stan Rice
24 June 93
(from Anne Rice's Memnoch The Devil)
let me hear you out on this...
as if you were robbed of sheer bliss
let your voice sing the refrain...
let me feel your pain...
Dead Poets Sunday on the House!!!
Rain fell at 12:24 am
Saturday, September 20, 2003
Cool VS. Uncool
How do we define cool? I say it's relative.
It does not depend on one's eccentricity nor on one's
rather creative and innate ability to go weird or mysterious. Some people may say this gal is cool
because she dresses nice (but then again what's nice
to you may not be nice to me; vice versa) or some may
say she's too fat to wear midribs. Some may say this guy is cool because he wears his shorts over his pants;
others may he's a geek or a no-brainer just tryin' to catch everyoner's attention, or simply put: an "uncool"
tryin so hard to be "cool".
Yesterday I saw "almost famous" on HBO for the nth time. For one who's into rock bands
he may agree with me that the movie was cool. The music was great, the story was moving (Kate Hudson was gorgeous!) but some may say the contrary...
What am I driving at?
Sometimes we worry ourselves too much with people's
standards that we fail to see that we're losing our sense of self in the process. Sometimes we don't really know who we are anymore. We try to blend with what society says is "cool" rendering us sooo "not cool" anymore.
The bottomline is, it's cool to be you...
Next time, why dont we try bring "hot" for a change?
(Isn't it ironic that what we often regard as cool can also ba called "hot"?... just a thought...)
**11*09**
The gloom
(inspired by lana lang's lament on whitney)
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
and let darkness completely conquer a room
in an instant. No goodbye's, not even a flicker.
It just leaves without a trace.
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
and leave you longing for that moment;
that one still fragment of time you held
the memory of a face which quickly fades out
yet the essence lingers on, and on, perhaps forever...
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
from a star your gaze claimed;
it just burns out and fades away
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
and let hope die with it...
This heart will not falter
and in the darkness that covers this room
and all of me,
This lonely soul awaits
for that tiny light to fill the void again
and seize my world again.
...You are my light.
Rain fell at 5:57 pm
How do we define cool? I say it's relative.
It does not depend on one's eccentricity nor on one's
rather creative and innate ability to go weird or mysterious. Some people may say this gal is cool
because she dresses nice (but then again what's nice
to you may not be nice to me; vice versa) or some may
say she's too fat to wear midribs. Some may say this guy is cool because he wears his shorts over his pants;
others may he's a geek or a no-brainer just tryin' to catch everyoner's attention, or simply put: an "uncool"
tryin so hard to be "cool".
Yesterday I saw "almost famous" on HBO for the nth time. For one who's into rock bands
he may agree with me that the movie was cool. The music was great, the story was moving (Kate Hudson was gorgeous!) but some may say the contrary...
What am I driving at?
Sometimes we worry ourselves too much with people's
standards that we fail to see that we're losing our sense of self in the process. Sometimes we don't really know who we are anymore. We try to blend with what society says is "cool" rendering us sooo "not cool" anymore.
The bottomline is, it's cool to be you...
Next time, why dont we try bring "hot" for a change?
(Isn't it ironic that what we often regard as cool can also ba called "hot"?... just a thought...)
**11*09**
The gloom
(inspired by lana lang's lament on whitney)
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
and let darkness completely conquer a room
in an instant. No goodbye's, not even a flicker.
It just leaves without a trace.
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
and leave you longing for that moment;
that one still fragment of time you held
the memory of a face which quickly fades out
yet the essence lingers on, and on, perhaps forever...
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
from a star your gaze claimed;
it just burns out and fades away
It's amazing how quickly light can go out
and let hope die with it...
This heart will not falter
and in the darkness that covers this room
and all of me,
This lonely soul awaits
for that tiny light to fill the void again
and seize my world again.
...You are my light.
Rain fell at 5:57 pm
Friday, September 19, 2003
Music
For the fire that burns in us,
For the rage that thrives in me,
For the love that was lost
Or forgotten...
My only symphony
My refuge...
I thank thee...
For the rain that soothes my soul
For the air that fills my lungs
For the love that was found
And begotten...
My shield
My shelter...
I thank thee...
For everything that remained
For the hope that survived
For the love that stood still
Or was frozen...
My life
My soul...
I thank thee...
Music is life and to it I owe my soul.
**11*09**
Cold
Last night I walked in the rain, I looked up and watched the sky came down on its knees and poured its heart out. I felt heaven's tears as it fell on my face as if God was trying to wash away my pain.
So I prayed for more rain.
And I realized I was drowning.
All I could see was the bright yellow lights from the posts and my eyes hurt from the rain and the tears that flowed with it.
Yet I found some sense of comfort knowing that heaven was crying with me but that didn't kill my pain.
And here comes the inevitable truth that can send the chill on my spines or trigger the shiver within.
I'm dead cold without her.
**11*09**
4 am
I couldn't sleep.
My eyes are swollen from tears.
I cried and cried and when the tears stopped
from falling I squeezed it out ad forced myself to cry again.
I thought that maybe if God will see me like this.
He'll spare me some mercy and throw some of it to me.
And she'll come flying back to me...
**11*09**
Redundant
I will not write this down and repeat what I just wrote.
I will not write this down and repeat what I just wrote.
I will not write this down and repeat what I just wrote...
Rain fell at 2:42 pm
For the fire that burns in us,
For the rage that thrives in me,
For the love that was lost
Or forgotten...
My only symphony
My refuge...
I thank thee...
For the rain that soothes my soul
For the air that fills my lungs
For the love that was found
And begotten...
My shield
My shelter...
I thank thee...
For everything that remained
For the hope that survived
For the love that stood still
Or was frozen...
My life
My soul...
I thank thee...
Music is life and to it I owe my soul.
**11*09**
Cold
Last night I walked in the rain, I looked up and watched the sky came down on its knees and poured its heart out. I felt heaven's tears as it fell on my face as if God was trying to wash away my pain.
So I prayed for more rain.
And I realized I was drowning.
All I could see was the bright yellow lights from the posts and my eyes hurt from the rain and the tears that flowed with it.
Yet I found some sense of comfort knowing that heaven was crying with me but that didn't kill my pain.
And here comes the inevitable truth that can send the chill on my spines or trigger the shiver within.
I'm dead cold without her.
**11*09**
4 am
I couldn't sleep.
My eyes are swollen from tears.
I cried and cried and when the tears stopped
from falling I squeezed it out ad forced myself to cry again.
I thought that maybe if God will see me like this.
He'll spare me some mercy and throw some of it to me.
And she'll come flying back to me...
**11*09**
Redundant
I will not write this down and repeat what I just wrote.
I will not write this down and repeat what I just wrote.
I will not write this down and repeat what I just wrote...
Rain fell at 2:42 pm
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Behold! The Nightmare
I've faced the fathoms in your deep
Withstood the suitors quiet siege
pulled down the heavens just to
please you, appease you
the wind blows and I know...
I can't go on
digging roses from your grave
To linger on
beyond the beyond
Where the willows weep
and the whirlpools sleep
you'll find me
The coarse tide
reflects sky
And the nightmare rides on...
with a December black psalm
and the nightmare rides on...
What I fear
is lost here
The wind blows
and I know
All you have to do
is run away and steal
yourself from me
become a mystery
to gaze into
You're so cruel
in all you do
but still I believe,
I believe in you
So may you come
with your own knives
you'll never take me alive
with all the force of what is true
is there nothing I can do?
I've faced the fathoms in your deep
withstood the suitors quiet siege
pulled down the heavens
just to please you
to hold a flower I can't keep...
-Billy Corgan, Adore
another good song from the bald guy
sad, eerie, uncanny, almost melodramatic
kinda like the way I'm feelin' now
dark skies have taken over me...
*"lovely girl you're the beauty
in my world
without you there are
no reasons left to find"
nothing seems to make sense
all my life was nothing
but fraudulence
without her
breathing comes
heavy...
a wasted soul I gave...
to a nameless grave
*"in you I see dirty
in you I count stars
in you I feel so pretty
in you I taste god
...we must never be apart
*Corgan, ava adore
( Adore )
Rain fell at 3:13 pm
I've faced the fathoms in your deep
Withstood the suitors quiet siege
pulled down the heavens just to
please you, appease you
the wind blows and I know...
I can't go on
digging roses from your grave
To linger on
beyond the beyond
Where the willows weep
and the whirlpools sleep
you'll find me
The coarse tide
reflects sky
And the nightmare rides on...
with a December black psalm
and the nightmare rides on...
What I fear
is lost here
The wind blows
and I know
All you have to do
is run away and steal
yourself from me
become a mystery
to gaze into
You're so cruel
in all you do
but still I believe,
I believe in you
So may you come
with your own knives
you'll never take me alive
with all the force of what is true
is there nothing I can do?
I've faced the fathoms in your deep
withstood the suitors quiet siege
pulled down the heavens
just to please you
to hold a flower I can't keep...
-Billy Corgan, Adore
another good song from the bald guy
sad, eerie, uncanny, almost melodramatic
kinda like the way I'm feelin' now
dark skies have taken over me...
*"lovely girl you're the beauty
in my world
without you there are
no reasons left to find"
nothing seems to make sense
all my life was nothing
but fraudulence
without her
breathing comes
heavy...
a wasted soul I gave...
to a nameless grave
*"in you I see dirty
in you I count stars
in you I feel so pretty
in you I taste god
...we must never be apart
*Corgan, ava adore
( Adore )
Rain fell at 3:13 pm
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Half awake, half dreaming
For four times this morning I got up from my bed, to check if someone's on the door,... all times I thought it was her. And I realized I was just dreaming. I imagined seeing her in my bed rousing me from sleep to tell me that she's back. She held me and I held her back, only to find out I was just crushing my pillow and that I'm still alone in my room, Just like yesterday and the many yesterdays before it.
I thought it would be easy, that night when we talked about the [ s p a c e ] thing. I was calm and I was happy with the thought that she chose this rather than leaving. At least I'll still have a chance to have her again... now this...
I'm half awake and half dreaming. I dare to dream with half-shut eyes illusions that are never meant to console.
And all I can do is heave a sigh...
"Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms.
Whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still belive.
But then the emptiness of a burning sea against which we see
our darkest of sadness.
Until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.
When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?"
-Jane Siberry, it can’t rain all the time
from The Crow OST
**11*09**
mourn
I lost a friend last night.
Partly my fault I guess, but I will never regret a thing I said.
No remorse.
She deserved the words I hurled.
And frankly, I don't give a damn...
Or do I?
**11*09**
Faith
I still have faith in us...
I may not see you...
I may not be able to hold you...
I may not feel that you're still there...
Faith is the essence of things unseen...
Rain fell at 3:28 pm
For four times this morning I got up from my bed, to check if someone's on the door,... all times I thought it was her. And I realized I was just dreaming. I imagined seeing her in my bed rousing me from sleep to tell me that she's back. She held me and I held her back, only to find out I was just crushing my pillow and that I'm still alone in my room, Just like yesterday and the many yesterdays before it.
I thought it would be easy, that night when we talked about the [ s p a c e ] thing. I was calm and I was happy with the thought that she chose this rather than leaving. At least I'll still have a chance to have her again... now this...
I'm half awake and half dreaming. I dare to dream with half-shut eyes illusions that are never meant to console.
And all I can do is heave a sigh...
"Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms.
Whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still belive.
But then the emptiness of a burning sea against which we see
our darkest of sadness.
Until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.
When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?"
-Jane Siberry, it can’t rain all the time
from The Crow OST
**11*09**
mourn
I lost a friend last night.
Partly my fault I guess, but I will never regret a thing I said.
No remorse.
She deserved the words I hurled.
And frankly, I don't give a damn...
Or do I?
**11*09**
Faith
I still have faith in us...
I may not see you...
I may not be able to hold you...
I may not feel that you're still there...
Faith is the essence of things unseen...
Rain fell at 3:28 pm
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
The loneliest person…
Splender comes up with a nice song and now everyone would like to claim that they are melancholy’s children fathered by no less than Mr. Pain himself.
Like radio stations that claim they’re all no. 1, Like ABS CBN and GMA who have constantly been the no.1 network on Philippine Television (I beg to disagree, NBN channel 4 is the no.1 channel in this country! Huh?!) since time immemorial. We have succumbed to the crave for the incovetous title of the loneliest person in the whole world.
In response to the ever growing popularity of the title, Angels from middle earth in cooperation with DTI decided to hold a raffle draw with the loneliest person title at stake.
What’s the catch? Once crowned with the glory of sadness, the unlucky person will be entitled to a lifetime sympathy from admirers which comes from all walks of life. There will only be 1 winner as there will only be 1 draw. The unfortunate solitary grief-stricken winner will also win a million worth of heartaches and five hundred gallons of tears.
Send your entries with your name, address, signature, proof of sadness and your 2x2 picture at designated drop boxes in your parish church.
Grand draw will be on the last day of this lonely planet.
Per DTI-NCR permit number 08091109 series of 1980.
**11*09**
Sentimental Fool
Last Saturday I joined Jeff’s family at Ever Bowling center and as expected I got all sentimental again… maybe I should just stay in my room and sleep all day and start avoiding these places.
I watched Jeff and Reggie (Jeff’s sister) play billiards and all I could see was her and a cuestick… I miss playing billiards with her. And as I looked over at the bowling lanes… Memories of Rockwell, bowling shoes, a 2 game gift certificate and her flooded my head…
And I’m on an all expense paid trip down to memory lane.
Nothing could ever surpass this feeling.
Please hear my plea
Come back…
Rain fell at 4:27 pm
**11*09**
angels do cry...
This was written by a friend who just lost her heart...
I feel sorry for what happened and somehow I also
feel guilty because it was my
best friend caused you this pain...
Just remember that you can always
call me whenever you need someone to talk to...
you're right...
Next time I'll write everything with a pencil too..
I always write with a pencil so I could erase, review and revise if I don't like what I've composed
If I know im gonna cry, I write it in a scratch
So he wouldn't know tears fell while Im writing
He wouldn't need to see the traces but he'll feel the moment
I feel so unlovely not having him, and the thought of not having him ever scares me to death
Like the latin-speaking ghost that haunts people, not leaving, resounding, resonating
I pray, I hope, I wait
Im afraid I'll lose hope in prayers
I wish were just scratch so I could revise and make it perfect
How I wish I wrote "us" with a pencil, I wont erase it I'll superimpose
And everythings gonna be better...
Splender comes up with a nice song and now everyone would like to claim that they are melancholy’s children fathered by no less than Mr. Pain himself.
Like radio stations that claim they’re all no. 1, Like ABS CBN and GMA who have constantly been the no.1 network on Philippine Television (I beg to disagree, NBN channel 4 is the no.1 channel in this country! Huh?!) since time immemorial. We have succumbed to the crave for the incovetous title of the loneliest person in the whole world.
In response to the ever growing popularity of the title, Angels from middle earth in cooperation with DTI decided to hold a raffle draw with the loneliest person title at stake.
What’s the catch? Once crowned with the glory of sadness, the unlucky person will be entitled to a lifetime sympathy from admirers which comes from all walks of life. There will only be 1 winner as there will only be 1 draw. The unfortunate solitary grief-stricken winner will also win a million worth of heartaches and five hundred gallons of tears.
Send your entries with your name, address, signature, proof of sadness and your 2x2 picture at designated drop boxes in your parish church.
Grand draw will be on the last day of this lonely planet.
Per DTI-NCR permit number 08091109 series of 1980.
**11*09**
Sentimental Fool
Last Saturday I joined Jeff’s family at Ever Bowling center and as expected I got all sentimental again… maybe I should just stay in my room and sleep all day and start avoiding these places.
I watched Jeff and Reggie (Jeff’s sister) play billiards and all I could see was her and a cuestick… I miss playing billiards with her. And as I looked over at the bowling lanes… Memories of Rockwell, bowling shoes, a 2 game gift certificate and her flooded my head…
And I’m on an all expense paid trip down to memory lane.
Nothing could ever surpass this feeling.
Please hear my plea
Come back…
Rain fell at 4:27 pm
**11*09**
angels do cry...
This was written by a friend who just lost her heart...
I feel sorry for what happened and somehow I also
feel guilty because it was my
best friend caused you this pain...
Just remember that you can always
call me whenever you need someone to talk to...
you're right...
Next time I'll write everything with a pencil too..
I always write with a pencil so I could erase, review and revise if I don't like what I've composed
If I know im gonna cry, I write it in a scratch
So he wouldn't know tears fell while Im writing
He wouldn't need to see the traces but he'll feel the moment
I feel so unlovely not having him, and the thought of not having him ever scares me to death
Like the latin-speaking ghost that haunts people, not leaving, resounding, resonating
I pray, I hope, I wait
Im afraid I'll lose hope in prayers
I wish were just scratch so I could revise and make it perfect
How I wish I wrote "us" with a pencil, I wont erase it I'll superimpose
And everythings gonna be better...
Monday, September 15, 2003
Cursed
Last night, Jing asked us if we can drop by her house for some late night chat and booze so we went there and found an elegantly wasted friend who can hardly remember a thing she just uttered or heard 2 seconds after.
I guess Aphrodite has gone psycho on us, she gave us the-you-will-never-be-happy-with-your-lovelife curse or maybe her son Eros (that whimsy, capricious little kid is a “GSM (Ginebra San Miguel) Blue junkie for pity’s sake) has been toying with us and we failed to dodge his arrows. Simply put we’re all stuck in heartache land, thanks to the goddess of love and beauty for paying the lease for us. We owe a lot to her.
Jing’s still ranting about the Sperm Donor, if you have read my previous post you have been properly acquainted with the black devil. Jeff has joined the lonely hearts club this week, he just broke it off with his gf last Tuesday. So we’ll probably throw a party because we’re all blessed with the same curse. Misery, despair, grief, and sorrow will join the bunch of party animals to dance in our wet and wild party of tears. Entrance is free and love is consumable. You drink it, you pee it off and a hang-over comes with the package.
And you know what?
The party never stops.
**11*09**
Happy
hap.py (hap’e) adj., -pi-er,-pi-est. 1. feeling or providing contented pleasure or joy 2. fortunate or lucky 3. apt or felicitous
-Webster’s Desk Dictionary of the English Language
Have you ever asked yourself what is it in this world that would really make you happy? Do you spend countless hours at discos and bars dancing frantically and tell yourself that “Hey I’m happy!” I’ll do this every weekend” Have you ever thought of What really gets you high? Have you ever gone to bed with a smile on your face and dream fairytales and wake up living the dream? Is there really such a thing?
I’ve asked myself too many of these questions, but I always come up with the same answer.
Love.
Love makes the world go round.
Love lifts us up where we belong.
Love, what a word… such a small word but spells a big difference. I’ve felt it and I was happy. I felt it when I was with her. I found my happiness but now it’s gone… and I’m not sure if it’s ever comin’ back…
I was happy, just knowing that she’s around, even if I had tears in my eyes, because I know I’ll cry even more when she’s gone.
And know I’m lost again and no matter how hard I look for it,
I can’t seem to find it.
I guess I left my happiness along with my heart with her.
**11*09**
5 years
My Mp3 playlist only has one song in it.
Sugar Hiccup’s 5 years.
I’m playing it for 4 hours now,
Continuous play.
I love the song, the eerie melody
And Melody’s haunting voice.
mmm… mmm…
feel the pain
but do not thrive in it.
…But he will never back…
feel the rage
but do not emphatize
and my pain,
my rage…
blending with
the echoes
of her humming…
creeping with
chill of utter
loneliness…
Scream.
Alone…
Rain fell at 3:18 pm
Last night, Jing asked us if we can drop by her house for some late night chat and booze so we went there and found an elegantly wasted friend who can hardly remember a thing she just uttered or heard 2 seconds after.
I guess Aphrodite has gone psycho on us, she gave us the-you-will-never-be-happy-with-your-lovelife curse or maybe her son Eros (that whimsy, capricious little kid is a “GSM (Ginebra San Miguel) Blue junkie for pity’s sake) has been toying with us and we failed to dodge his arrows. Simply put we’re all stuck in heartache land, thanks to the goddess of love and beauty for paying the lease for us. We owe a lot to her.
Jing’s still ranting about the Sperm Donor, if you have read my previous post you have been properly acquainted with the black devil. Jeff has joined the lonely hearts club this week, he just broke it off with his gf last Tuesday. So we’ll probably throw a party because we’re all blessed with the same curse. Misery, despair, grief, and sorrow will join the bunch of party animals to dance in our wet and wild party of tears. Entrance is free and love is consumable. You drink it, you pee it off and a hang-over comes with the package.
And you know what?
The party never stops.
**11*09**
Happy
hap.py (hap’e) adj., -pi-er,-pi-est. 1. feeling or providing contented pleasure or joy 2. fortunate or lucky 3. apt or felicitous
-Webster’s Desk Dictionary of the English Language
Have you ever asked yourself what is it in this world that would really make you happy? Do you spend countless hours at discos and bars dancing frantically and tell yourself that “Hey I’m happy!” I’ll do this every weekend” Have you ever thought of What really gets you high? Have you ever gone to bed with a smile on your face and dream fairytales and wake up living the dream? Is there really such a thing?
I’ve asked myself too many of these questions, but I always come up with the same answer.
Love.
Love makes the world go round.
Love lifts us up where we belong.
Love, what a word… such a small word but spells a big difference. I’ve felt it and I was happy. I felt it when I was with her. I found my happiness but now it’s gone… and I’m not sure if it’s ever comin’ back…
I was happy, just knowing that she’s around, even if I had tears in my eyes, because I know I’ll cry even more when she’s gone.
And know I’m lost again and no matter how hard I look for it,
I can’t seem to find it.
I guess I left my happiness along with my heart with her.
**11*09**
5 years
My Mp3 playlist only has one song in it.
Sugar Hiccup’s 5 years.
I’m playing it for 4 hours now,
Continuous play.
I love the song, the eerie melody
And Melody’s haunting voice.
mmm… mmm…
feel the pain
but do not thrive in it.
…But he will never back…
feel the rage
but do not emphatize
and my pain,
my rage…
blending with
the echoes
of her humming…
creeping with
chill of utter
loneliness…
Scream.
Alone…
Rain fell at 3:18 pm
Sunday, September 14, 2003
The Itchy and Scratchy show
One thing that comes with every school semester aside from the tons of books you have to read… terrorists masked as teachers. Research work, paper works that pile up because of being studious and a model student’s endless procrastination is the compulsory package that will never be itemized in your miscellaneous fees. Its either the cashier or the registrar failed to include or they just want us to think casual and ignore them.
I’m talking about classroom pests, assholes, Mr./Ms. Know everything, jerks , dorks, or the ones we simply call in our own tongue… “EPAL”.
I love Criminal Law. I like the way Attorney Boado explains everything about our criminal justice system, there’s just something which is not right, I mean someone, more appropriately some two guys… ( Its never wrong to improvise the english language) Behold, the slayers of scholastic athmosphere, tag teams in killing the fun in learning.
They are Itchy and Scratchy.
Do not dare argue with them, they are seldom, no! I stand corrected, they are never wrong. They are not opinionated, they are just always right.
They’re the kind of students who loves to interrupt the teacher by asking silly questions just for the sake of asking. They’re the ones who loves to sing in chorus while the professor sings the refrain, Sometimes they know more than your teacher does. They love to give trivias no matter how unsolicited they are. And worst, they will never cease to exist.
I call them Itchy and Scratchy because they never fail to annoy me. If there’ one thing positive about them is that they are so consistent. Consistent in being our class’s braggadocios. Every week they’re ready for new antics. Yesterday, Itchy gave me a heartburn from laughing. Atty. Boado was telling us a story about one classmate she had while she was still in Law School, she told us how much she hates that guy because he boasts a lot. Itchy had the itch to ask another silly question “Ma’m Mataba ba yung classmate mo?” (Ma’am was your classmate fat?) to which Atty Boado wittingly replied “Oo, parang ikaw! (Yes, as fat as you are!). and the class burst into laughter.
I think our Prof. shares the same admiration I have for Itchy and Scratchy. Considering the aggravating circumstance of their pimple free faces, this court finds the defendant Guilty beyond reasonable doubt of the crime of reckless imprudence resulting to homicide of the school’s spirit.
Therefore they are sentenced to death by pulling their teeth and eyebrows.
Talk about being humane…
**11*09**
Broken Vow
While I’m writing this article, Barbie, Vanness, and Ken are on TV as Kris is interviewing them… and here I am infront of my ever loyal and ever present PC ganging up with words as I pour out how I feel. So what’s the connection? What’s my point?
This has nothing to do with me being an MG fan, nothing to do with Hua Ze Lei or Dao Ming Si or San Cai… frankly speaking, I don’t care about them. I hate Chinese. I hate everything about them. I hate that they’re here and I hate the fact that they have so much to do with the last few months I had with her… or do I?
Do what, feel what? Here I go again, mumbling and tossing words not knowing exactly what to say… Hua Ze Lei was wrong hanging yourself upside down won’t stop the tears from falling, nor will it go back to your tear glands. So there, you caught the fish from my mouth, I watched it then and I liked the story. I’m not proud of it and I’m not ashamed of it probably because I know there’s a big reason why I got hooked with this mania.
This is so unlikely, I don’t get this defensive about things I do, or the things I like. Before this Meteor stuff, I hated telenovelas regardless of whereever they’re from: home cooked or from Mexico. I hate it. Furthermore, I never imagined watching Chinese people with so much reverence… I hope you can see me now. I guess I’m blushing like a girl who just saw the boy of his dreams.
It all started when I went to her place and I saw her watching the show, she told me that the story is good and that I’m missing half of my life for not watching it. I ended up watching it. Day after day and sometimes she even asks me to record the show when she can’t be able to watch it…
Now, I can’t bring myself to watch the 2nd season, all I see on the screen is her face… and it makes me think of her even more. I wonder if she was in the concert last night…
Call me mushy, call me shallow, but sometimes I want to think that she and I would be just like Dao and San Cai, who lost their way and went through it all to found their way back to each other’s arms. I breathe hope with that thought that’s why…
“…I’ll let you go
I’ll let you fly…”
I don’t know where she is right now, or if she ever thinks of me this way, there are a million questions my head keeps asking.. Does she think of me whenever she sees Lei? Does she remember me playing the ending song for her? Does she play the F4 cd’s I gave her and remember me? Is she coming back?
I could kill myself thinking but I can’t , I have to be strong because I have to know if all these is not just a broken vow…
Rain fell at 6:46 pm
One thing that comes with every school semester aside from the tons of books you have to read… terrorists masked as teachers. Research work, paper works that pile up because of being studious and a model student’s endless procrastination is the compulsory package that will never be itemized in your miscellaneous fees. Its either the cashier or the registrar failed to include or they just want us to think casual and ignore them.
I’m talking about classroom pests, assholes, Mr./Ms. Know everything, jerks , dorks, or the ones we simply call in our own tongue… “EPAL”.
I love Criminal Law. I like the way Attorney Boado explains everything about our criminal justice system, there’s just something which is not right, I mean someone, more appropriately some two guys… ( Its never wrong to improvise the english language) Behold, the slayers of scholastic athmosphere, tag teams in killing the fun in learning.
They are Itchy and Scratchy.
Do not dare argue with them, they are seldom, no! I stand corrected, they are never wrong. They are not opinionated, they are just always right.
They’re the kind of students who loves to interrupt the teacher by asking silly questions just for the sake of asking. They’re the ones who loves to sing in chorus while the professor sings the refrain, Sometimes they know more than your teacher does. They love to give trivias no matter how unsolicited they are. And worst, they will never cease to exist.
I call them Itchy and Scratchy because they never fail to annoy me. If there’ one thing positive about them is that they are so consistent. Consistent in being our class’s braggadocios. Every week they’re ready for new antics. Yesterday, Itchy gave me a heartburn from laughing. Atty. Boado was telling us a story about one classmate she had while she was still in Law School, she told us how much she hates that guy because he boasts a lot. Itchy had the itch to ask another silly question “Ma’m Mataba ba yung classmate mo?” (Ma’am was your classmate fat?) to which Atty Boado wittingly replied “Oo, parang ikaw! (Yes, as fat as you are!). and the class burst into laughter.
I think our Prof. shares the same admiration I have for Itchy and Scratchy. Considering the aggravating circumstance of their pimple free faces, this court finds the defendant Guilty beyond reasonable doubt of the crime of reckless imprudence resulting to homicide of the school’s spirit.
Therefore they are sentenced to death by pulling their teeth and eyebrows.
Talk about being humane…
**11*09**
Broken Vow
While I’m writing this article, Barbie, Vanness, and Ken are on TV as Kris is interviewing them… and here I am infront of my ever loyal and ever present PC ganging up with words as I pour out how I feel. So what’s the connection? What’s my point?
This has nothing to do with me being an MG fan, nothing to do with Hua Ze Lei or Dao Ming Si or San Cai… frankly speaking, I don’t care about them. I hate Chinese. I hate everything about them. I hate that they’re here and I hate the fact that they have so much to do with the last few months I had with her… or do I?
Do what, feel what? Here I go again, mumbling and tossing words not knowing exactly what to say… Hua Ze Lei was wrong hanging yourself upside down won’t stop the tears from falling, nor will it go back to your tear glands. So there, you caught the fish from my mouth, I watched it then and I liked the story. I’m not proud of it and I’m not ashamed of it probably because I know there’s a big reason why I got hooked with this mania.
This is so unlikely, I don’t get this defensive about things I do, or the things I like. Before this Meteor stuff, I hated telenovelas regardless of whereever they’re from: home cooked or from Mexico. I hate it. Furthermore, I never imagined watching Chinese people with so much reverence… I hope you can see me now. I guess I’m blushing like a girl who just saw the boy of his dreams.
It all started when I went to her place and I saw her watching the show, she told me that the story is good and that I’m missing half of my life for not watching it. I ended up watching it. Day after day and sometimes she even asks me to record the show when she can’t be able to watch it…
Now, I can’t bring myself to watch the 2nd season, all I see on the screen is her face… and it makes me think of her even more. I wonder if she was in the concert last night…
Call me mushy, call me shallow, but sometimes I want to think that she and I would be just like Dao and San Cai, who lost their way and went through it all to found their way back to each other’s arms. I breathe hope with that thought that’s why…
“…I’ll let you go
I’ll let you fly…”
I don’t know where she is right now, or if she ever thinks of me this way, there are a million questions my head keeps asking.. Does she think of me whenever she sees Lei? Does she remember me playing the ending song for her? Does she play the F4 cd’s I gave her and remember me? Is she coming back?
I could kill myself thinking but I can’t , I have to be strong because I have to know if all these is not just a broken vow…
Rain fell at 6:46 pm
Saturday, September 13, 2003
The sign (The Test part 2)
Another sign that you're a bad writer is when you have so many things you
want to write about and you can't seem to figure out where to start, or you suddenly lose your grasp of all your ideas that you will no longer be able to recall those things you thought about...
You just go on writing and pressing those darn keys on your keyboard and end up pressing the backspace key over and over again, or you keep on using "and" and "or" in your paragraphs and after all your years in college
english you still haven't took the guts of picking up your dictionary to find the definition of the word "coherent". and you end up asking "What am I driving at?"
I am so... not going to be a good writer.
**11*09**
Song from the bathroom
(or the bathroom song)
I was taking a bath this morning when I heard this song playing on Jam 88.3 and I couldn't help but laugh my spleen off at the shower. I didn't exactly catch the lyrics so I searched for it at google.
Ugly Girl
by Fleming and John
When I saw you at the grocery store
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say
You introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl...
Call it defense mechanism or simply bein' jealous and insecure but you feel that
because you think you've been ditched for someone less deserving and that
would really hurt you pride more than anything else you'd ever feel. And sometimes even if you were left for someone more pretty you'd still think that she's the ugliest person you ever saw.
This is really one funny song:
Does she talk about politics
and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late?
oh she's so great
Does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
it's not fair
I can't compare
to an ugly girl
And it's a little rude too.
ha ha ha
ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face
there's no way
Do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl
[happy goes on laughing while eating wheat flour and polvoron]
**11*09**
The Sperm Donor
I call last night a "Reflective Booze" session with my 2 friends. Sometimes drinkin' booze could be for just plain fun, sometimes you drink because
you just feel like drinking, But when I'm with my closest friends it's always like we'er into sensible debates on how our life is.. Last night wasn't different, and Jing was on the hotseat. Jing's a highschool friend whom we have always admired for her looks and charming personality.
Unfortunately, when we all got into college, we kinda lost track of her, little did we know... and to our disgust, she ended up with the wrong guy. We call him "Sperm Donor" because he never was a father to his 2 kids. I was deeply moved when Jing shared that Sometimes you have to be strong for other people and not for yourself. She was referring to her 2 kids, 2 innocent kids abandoned by a negro from hell.
I can never understand why some men aren't man enough to face their responsibilities. I'm not saying that I'm a better man than them. I just can't get out the frustration that most guys really do that. It sucks!
Whatever his reasons are, however grave they are. He should not forget that he has 2 kids that he left with Jing to raise on her own. Besides the fact that she married another girl which he "accidentaly" got pregnant,(You loved and enjoyed the "banging" and "humping" and you call it an accident? Rot in hell!) he doesn't know or he doesn't care about the mental torment he put Jing into. (Jing would love the song I posted above. The girl is ugly and in fairness to the Sperm Donor... "Bagay sila!")
And you know what. I wish he'll grow scales in his face and his itchy male member would shrink into a pea. I wonder how he sleeps at night.
The moral of the story, Pleasure of the flesh are inviting but you have to think of the consequences and be ready for it. and Sometimes, just sometimes it pays to look in the mirror and not worry about your pimples. Instead, tell yourself how luck you are someone as beautiful as your wife actually married
you. (That's for you, You sick son of a b_itch Sperm donor!).
.
Rain fell at 6:38 pm
Another sign that you're a bad writer is when you have so many things you
want to write about and you can't seem to figure out where to start, or you suddenly lose your grasp of all your ideas that you will no longer be able to recall those things you thought about...
You just go on writing and pressing those darn keys on your keyboard and end up pressing the backspace key over and over again, or you keep on using "and" and "or" in your paragraphs and after all your years in college
english you still haven't took the guts of picking up your dictionary to find the definition of the word "coherent". and you end up asking "What am I driving at?"
I am so... not going to be a good writer.
**11*09**
Song from the bathroom
(or the bathroom song)
I was taking a bath this morning when I heard this song playing on Jam 88.3 and I couldn't help but laugh my spleen off at the shower. I didn't exactly catch the lyrics so I searched for it at google.
Ugly Girl
by Fleming and John
When I saw you at the grocery store
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say
You introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl...
Call it defense mechanism or simply bein' jealous and insecure but you feel that
because you think you've been ditched for someone less deserving and that
would really hurt you pride more than anything else you'd ever feel. And sometimes even if you were left for someone more pretty you'd still think that she's the ugliest person you ever saw.
This is really one funny song:
Does she talk about politics
and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late?
oh she's so great
Does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
it's not fair
I can't compare
to an ugly girl
And it's a little rude too.
ha ha ha
ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face
there's no way
Do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl
[happy goes on laughing while eating wheat flour and polvoron]
**11*09**
The Sperm Donor
I call last night a "Reflective Booze" session with my 2 friends. Sometimes drinkin' booze could be for just plain fun, sometimes you drink because
you just feel like drinking, But when I'm with my closest friends it's always like we'er into sensible debates on how our life is.. Last night wasn't different, and Jing was on the hotseat. Jing's a highschool friend whom we have always admired for her looks and charming personality.
Unfortunately, when we all got into college, we kinda lost track of her, little did we know... and to our disgust, she ended up with the wrong guy. We call him "Sperm Donor" because he never was a father to his 2 kids. I was deeply moved when Jing shared that Sometimes you have to be strong for other people and not for yourself. She was referring to her 2 kids, 2 innocent kids abandoned by a negro from hell.
I can never understand why some men aren't man enough to face their responsibilities. I'm not saying that I'm a better man than them. I just can't get out the frustration that most guys really do that. It sucks!
Whatever his reasons are, however grave they are. He should not forget that he has 2 kids that he left with Jing to raise on her own. Besides the fact that she married another girl which he "accidentaly" got pregnant,(You loved and enjoyed the "banging" and "humping" and you call it an accident? Rot in hell!) he doesn't know or he doesn't care about the mental torment he put Jing into. (Jing would love the song I posted above. The girl is ugly and in fairness to the Sperm Donor... "Bagay sila!")
And you know what. I wish he'll grow scales in his face and his itchy male member would shrink into a pea. I wonder how he sleeps at night.
The moral of the story, Pleasure of the flesh are inviting but you have to think of the consequences and be ready for it. and Sometimes, just sometimes it pays to look in the mirror and not worry about your pimples. Instead, tell yourself how luck you are someone as beautiful as your wife actually married
you. (That's for you, You sick son of a b_itch Sperm donor!).
Rain fell at 6:38 pm
Friday, September 12, 2003
Verse 1
If feelings were a maze
I'd make sure I'll find my way
Out...
Love is like a labyrinth
I'm lost into
Just when I thought
I found my way out
There you were
At the door
Standing still...
**11*09**
The perils of losing control
I've been trying to hold my tears from falling
I even thought I may have drained it all up but
I was wrong. Damn! I was wrong.
**11*09**
You all laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.
**11*09**
Mokong's classic One Liners
Definition of terms
Mokong: adj. 1. Stupid in a funny fashionable way, drop dead gorgeous senseless writer. 2. Comedian wannabe
One liners: n. idioms used either spontaneously or habitually by a guy whose main asset is to annoy people.
e.g.:
1. Barkada ka ni Osama, Lolo mo si Hitler! [translation: You're evil!]
2. Kung talk show host ka, walang mag-geguest sayo! [translation: 1.Kris is that you? 2. Is the word tactful in your vocabulary?]
3. Boring ka kasama, makita pa lang kita inaantok na ako! [translation: When I'm with you, I like to have a cup of coffee from time to time]
4. Ganda mo dito sa Picture a, sana picture ka na lang. [translation: I always thought you were photogenic]
5. Cute ka, wish ko lang naging tao ka... [translation: Humans are the highest form of animals]
6. Ganda talaga ng ilong mo, sana ilong ka na lang tapos paa na 'agad. [translation: your toes, your nose, your shoulder, your feet]
7. Kung isa-sapelikula ang buhay mo, sino ang gusto mong gumanap? [If you're life will be serialized in filipino comics, who will portray your caricature?]
8. Mahihiya si Flora Gasser sa suot mo. [translation: I told you not to wear grandma's dress]
9. Nuno ka ng ka-jologan. [translation: From which side of the earth did you come from?]
10. Sige ka ng sige, di ka nga kami makadaan, ikalso kita dyan sa bus e. [translation: Practice defensive driving, Park cautiously]
11. Sampal ko sa'yo paa mo e! [translation: I'll give you a foot spa, you'll never forget]
12. Minsan di ko alam kung kelan ka nakaharap o nakatalikod. [translation: Are you wearing wonder bra?]
13. Ah! (said with emphasis on the letter a, thus ended with an abrupt stop. [translation: I'm so shocked, I cannot make a word out of what you said]
To be continued...
**11*09**
Sometimes all you get from avoding pain is pain... again
Rain fell at 2:35 pm
**11*09**
9/11
A moment of revered silence for those lives
that 9/11 took...
Flowers and prayers for you all...
Rain fell at 5:39 pm
If feelings were a maze
I'd make sure I'll find my way
Out...
Love is like a labyrinth
I'm lost into
Just when I thought
I found my way out
There you were
At the door
Standing still...
**11*09**
The perils of losing control
I've been trying to hold my tears from falling
I even thought I may have drained it all up but
I was wrong. Damn! I was wrong.
**11*09**
You all laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.
**11*09**
Mokong's classic One Liners
Definition of terms
Mokong: adj. 1. Stupid in a funny fashionable way, drop dead gorgeous senseless writer. 2. Comedian wannabe
One liners: n. idioms used either spontaneously or habitually by a guy whose main asset is to annoy people.
e.g.:
1. Barkada ka ni Osama, Lolo mo si Hitler! [translation: You're evil!]
2. Kung talk show host ka, walang mag-geguest sayo! [translation: 1.Kris is that you? 2. Is the word tactful in your vocabulary?]
3. Boring ka kasama, makita pa lang kita inaantok na ako! [translation: When I'm with you, I like to have a cup of coffee from time to time]
4. Ganda mo dito sa Picture a, sana picture ka na lang. [translation: I always thought you were photogenic]
5. Cute ka, wish ko lang naging tao ka... [translation: Humans are the highest form of animals]
6. Ganda talaga ng ilong mo, sana ilong ka na lang tapos paa na 'agad. [translation: your toes, your nose, your shoulder, your feet]
7. Kung isa-sapelikula ang buhay mo, sino ang gusto mong gumanap? [If you're life will be serialized in filipino comics, who will portray your caricature?]
8. Mahihiya si Flora Gasser sa suot mo. [translation: I told you not to wear grandma's dress]
9. Nuno ka ng ka-jologan. [translation: From which side of the earth did you come from?]
10. Sige ka ng sige, di ka nga kami makadaan, ikalso kita dyan sa bus e. [translation: Practice defensive driving, Park cautiously]
11. Sampal ko sa'yo paa mo e! [translation: I'll give you a foot spa, you'll never forget]
12. Minsan di ko alam kung kelan ka nakaharap o nakatalikod. [translation: Are you wearing wonder bra?]
13. Ah! (said with emphasis on the letter a, thus ended with an abrupt stop. [translation: I'm so shocked, I cannot make a word out of what you said]
To be continued...
**11*09**
Sometimes all you get from avoding pain is pain... again
Rain fell at 2:35 pm
**11*09**
9/11
A moment of revered silence for those lives
that 9/11 took...
Flowers and prayers for you all...
Rain fell at 5:39 pm
Thursday, September 11, 2003
The Battle of Evermore
You sleep at night and wake up in the morning hoping everything's gonna be alright but it's not.
You say you're okay because you don't wanna talk about it, what goes in your mind is not worth all the blabber.
You wanna stay sane and live through this but all your life you've been
battling with spoons they force to your mouth.
Or so you say...
A while ago, you had an argument with air and it got so heated up you almost burst into flames.
You've been waiting all your life to get rid of it (As if you can live without it.) now's your chance to blow it all away. But you didn't.
You talk to yourself but you can't hear you.
Or maybe your just too loud to be heard...
Like the music you're playing...
You play with fire and pray for rain like it's gonna wash away all the ashes of your burnt dreams, you watch as it fades away with the wind and you wish you weren't there...
They say "Passion like fire always die..."
for some people maybe, but not with you.
I'll take my chances you say out loud but chances are, chances are not ready
to take up with you.
Tomorrow you'll wake up wishing you hadn't because sleep still has its grip on you and you can't let go of your dream.
Until someone shakes you free,
You realize you were just staring at a mirror
And you can't see you.
Rain fell at 11:10 am
Meg Ryan had a hair rebond at Smallville
Last night I went out with Lana Lang, we talked about Meg Ryan and Clark Kent. I always knew she had a thing for Clark, I can tell by the way she looks at him. But they're in the outs now. She told me she'd rather be with Lastikman than with Superman. I got so dumbfounded and it took me three large breaths to compose myself. And when I finally had my share of her lips. (Clark would kill me if he reads this) I told her about my past...about Meg.
I've always had a crush on Meg Ryan. I love her eyes, I've dreamed of kissing her sensuous lips. Usually, curly hairs or wavy hairs are a turn off for me. I like my girl to wear her hair long and straight, kinda like the ones seen on shampoo ads but with Meg its different. Even Nicolas Cage had a thing for Meg's hair. (I'm not sure if its because he is fast loosing his) In an interview by his former comrade in heaven Nicolas said "I would rather have one breath of her hair, one kiss on her mouth, one touch of her hand than eternity without it." Yeah, Nicolas was right. Meg's hair is worth the fall.
I wonder what is with Meg that I find irresistible. I haven't missed any of her movies since City of angels. And every time I chance upon any of her movie playing in HBO or Star Movies where ever, even if its halfway through denouement I'd glue on my eyes on her. That's why my ex's Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston, (she left me for Brad Pitt on account of Meg's photos in my wallet) always got jealous of her which I never understood because I've never talked to her. That's how it is when I have a big crush on someone. I can't bring myself to talk with Meg, I'm just happy seeing her movies, that's all.
After having said all these things about her. Lana broke into tears, she said I must've really loved Meg and she thought of going to the parlor to have her hair curled. I told her, "I like your hair that way and you don't have to do anything with it. It's not the hair or your lips or the dress you wear. It's you that I love. And no matter what happens that will never change. Even if you'll get fat or your lovely hair would start to fall." I may have liked Meg but that's a different thing.
We decided to go someplace else but just as we were about to step out of the bar, Meg came walking towards us and told me she heard all the things I told Lana. Apparently, we didn't notice her or more appropriately we didn't recognize her because now, she wears her hair straight courtesy of Reyes Haircutters. She told me she likes me and she thinks I'm hot. I simply replied " well, too bad I'm in heat too, but not for you." Then I caught Lana's eyes and fell for her lips again.
I woke up with my back still aching from last night's cuddling with Lana. I told her I'll wait till our wedding night.
And by the way, I still haven't told her about Kate Hudson. But I'll tell her later. A good relationship should be founded on love, trust and honesty, right?
Some days you dream with your eyes wide open...
Blame it on the power of media.
Rain fell at 11:59 am
You sleep at night and wake up in the morning hoping everything's gonna be alright but it's not.
You say you're okay because you don't wanna talk about it, what goes in your mind is not worth all the blabber.
You wanna stay sane and live through this but all your life you've been
battling with spoons they force to your mouth.
Or so you say...
A while ago, you had an argument with air and it got so heated up you almost burst into flames.
You've been waiting all your life to get rid of it (As if you can live without it.) now's your chance to blow it all away. But you didn't.
You talk to yourself but you can't hear you.
Or maybe your just too loud to be heard...
Like the music you're playing...
You play with fire and pray for rain like it's gonna wash away all the ashes of your burnt dreams, you watch as it fades away with the wind and you wish you weren't there...
They say "Passion like fire always die..."
for some people maybe, but not with you.
I'll take my chances you say out loud but chances are, chances are not ready
to take up with you.
Tomorrow you'll wake up wishing you hadn't because sleep still has its grip on you and you can't let go of your dream.
Until someone shakes you free,
You realize you were just staring at a mirror
And you can't see you.
Rain fell at 11:10 am
Meg Ryan had a hair rebond at Smallville
Last night I went out with Lana Lang, we talked about Meg Ryan and Clark Kent. I always knew she had a thing for Clark, I can tell by the way she looks at him. But they're in the outs now. She told me she'd rather be with Lastikman than with Superman. I got so dumbfounded and it took me three large breaths to compose myself. And when I finally had my share of her lips. (Clark would kill me if he reads this) I told her about my past...about Meg.
I've always had a crush on Meg Ryan. I love her eyes, I've dreamed of kissing her sensuous lips. Usually, curly hairs or wavy hairs are a turn off for me. I like my girl to wear her hair long and straight, kinda like the ones seen on shampoo ads but with Meg its different. Even Nicolas Cage had a thing for Meg's hair. (I'm not sure if its because he is fast loosing his) In an interview by his former comrade in heaven Nicolas said "I would rather have one breath of her hair, one kiss on her mouth, one touch of her hand than eternity without it." Yeah, Nicolas was right. Meg's hair is worth the fall.
I wonder what is with Meg that I find irresistible. I haven't missed any of her movies since City of angels. And every time I chance upon any of her movie playing in HBO or Star Movies where ever, even if its halfway through denouement I'd glue on my eyes on her. That's why my ex's Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston, (she left me for Brad Pitt on account of Meg's photos in my wallet) always got jealous of her which I never understood because I've never talked to her. That's how it is when I have a big crush on someone. I can't bring myself to talk with Meg, I'm just happy seeing her movies, that's all.
After having said all these things about her. Lana broke into tears, she said I must've really loved Meg and she thought of going to the parlor to have her hair curled. I told her, "I like your hair that way and you don't have to do anything with it. It's not the hair or your lips or the dress you wear. It's you that I love. And no matter what happens that will never change. Even if you'll get fat or your lovely hair would start to fall." I may have liked Meg but that's a different thing.
We decided to go someplace else but just as we were about to step out of the bar, Meg came walking towards us and told me she heard all the things I told Lana. Apparently, we didn't notice her or more appropriately we didn't recognize her because now, she wears her hair straight courtesy of Reyes Haircutters. She told me she likes me and she thinks I'm hot. I simply replied " well, too bad I'm in heat too, but not for you." Then I caught Lana's eyes and fell for her lips again.
I woke up with my back still aching from last night's cuddling with Lana. I told her I'll wait till our wedding night.
And by the way, I still haven't told her about Kate Hudson. But I'll tell her later. A good relationship should be founded on love, trust and honesty, right?
Some days you dream with your eyes wide open...
Blame it on the power of media.
Rain fell at 11:59 am
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
The Test
The biggest test of a good writer is when you have nothing to write about and you still manage to come up with something.
Apparently, I'm not a good writer.
I just keep on whining and writing about the same stuff. And frankly I'm getting sick of it.
If you were rude you'd tell me to "Get a life!"
If you were evil and you want me to get on the tracks of MRT and test my strength by stopping the train you'd say "She's not coming back, move on with your life"
If you were me you'd say "Life's a bitch and I'm the pimp"
If you were a good friend and you really know me you'd stop by our house and shout "Mokong, shawarma tayo!" [translation: "Moron, let's eat some holy stinking cow!] talk about being happy...
If you were my best friend and you know me better than the former you'd call me to pack my bags and say "Tara, Batangas tayo!" [translation: "Let's go country driving!"]
If I were you I'd just shut the hell up and not talk about her. (On the contrary, you can talk about country driving if you really mean it or else you'll just piss me off)
I will never be a good writer.
Rain fell at 12:13 pm
**11*09**
Tattooed on my mind
If someone would make an MTV about yesterday and I will get to choose the background song for it, it would definitely be D'Sound's mind tattooe service. I wonder how much that would cost.
Killing time is never fun, that is, if you know you're just killing time. Jeff and I had to walk on circles at Cubao and Galleria. ETA of his mom's plane wouldn't be till 2 pm and we still had 2 hours to burn.
So we walked on and on at the busy streets of Cubao. Looking for a good catch at the many ukay-ukays that the infamous Cubao housed. Then we decided to go to Galleria and just sit back at the movie house. When we got there it was already 12:30 so we both agreed on chasing the waters from the fountain and dropped the theater thing.
And I had the best time of my life window shopping for memories.
" one thing's for sure:
I'm all knocked out
spend too much time thinking of you"
it played in my head where ever we went.
We passed Cravings where we once ate. It seemed that where ever I looked I see her face and no matter how hard I try not to see her she just stayed in my eyes like she was actually there. And I missed her even more.
"now I know you're the dangerous kind..."
I miss the sound of her laughter, I miss the way her eyes get teary when she's laughing so hard, I miss walking with her, I miss her smile, I miss the way we make fun of the people we see. I miss feeling her next to me. I miss her voice. I miss eating pasta with her. And above all, I just miss her.
"and your smile is tattooed on my mind..."
All the more reason for me not to go to SM Manila and Robinson’s Place Ermita. That would be like walking into a black hole of memories.
"Oh, yesterday I was feeling safe
All I do today is trying to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind..."
I can't even stand seeing the Starbucks sign.
" and your face is tattooed on my mind
And I can’t get you out of my dreams..."
"yes I know that you're tattooed... on my mind you're tattooed.."
Rain fell at 2:11 pm
The biggest test of a good writer is when you have nothing to write about and you still manage to come up with something.
Apparently, I'm not a good writer.
I just keep on whining and writing about the same stuff. And frankly I'm getting sick of it.
If you were rude you'd tell me to "Get a life!"
If you were evil and you want me to get on the tracks of MRT and test my strength by stopping the train you'd say "She's not coming back, move on with your life"
If you were me you'd say "Life's a bitch and I'm the pimp"
If you were a good friend and you really know me you'd stop by our house and shout "Mokong, shawarma tayo!" [translation: "Moron, let's eat some holy stinking cow!] talk about being happy...
If you were my best friend and you know me better than the former you'd call me to pack my bags and say "Tara, Batangas tayo!" [translation: "Let's go country driving!"]
If I were you I'd just shut the hell up and not talk about her. (On the contrary, you can talk about country driving if you really mean it or else you'll just piss me off)
I will never be a good writer.
Rain fell at 12:13 pm
**11*09**
Tattooed on my mind
If someone would make an MTV about yesterday and I will get to choose the background song for it, it would definitely be D'Sound's mind tattooe service. I wonder how much that would cost.
Killing time is never fun, that is, if you know you're just killing time. Jeff and I had to walk on circles at Cubao and Galleria. ETA of his mom's plane wouldn't be till 2 pm and we still had 2 hours to burn.
So we walked on and on at the busy streets of Cubao. Looking for a good catch at the many ukay-ukays that the infamous Cubao housed. Then we decided to go to Galleria and just sit back at the movie house. When we got there it was already 12:30 so we both agreed on chasing the waters from the fountain and dropped the theater thing.
And I had the best time of my life window shopping for memories.
" one thing's for sure:
I'm all knocked out
spend too much time thinking of you"
it played in my head where ever we went.
We passed Cravings where we once ate. It seemed that where ever I looked I see her face and no matter how hard I try not to see her she just stayed in my eyes like she was actually there. And I missed her even more.
"now I know you're the dangerous kind..."
I miss the sound of her laughter, I miss the way her eyes get teary when she's laughing so hard, I miss walking with her, I miss her smile, I miss the way we make fun of the people we see. I miss feeling her next to me. I miss her voice. I miss eating pasta with her. And above all, I just miss her.
"and your smile is tattooed on my mind..."
All the more reason for me not to go to SM Manila and Robinson’s Place Ermita. That would be like walking into a black hole of memories.
"Oh, yesterday I was feeling safe
All I do today is trying to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind..."
I can't even stand seeing the Starbucks sign.
" and your face is tattooed on my mind
And I can’t get you out of my dreams..."
"yes I know that you're tattooed... on my mind you're tattooed.."
Rain fell at 2:11 pm
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Gone
So I followed my fingers as it made its way to the keyboard while my eyes kept looking for something, on and on it kept pressing and pressing and I wasn't aware of the time that passed or how long I stared at the PC monitor. I wasn't really certain of what I was really looking for, I only know it has been gone for so long and that I know my keyboard will never be complete if it is not in it. I know it was beside "Y" and "I" have been missing it so bad. And I'm never less certain that "J" will never be over it.
And then I finally hit it.
Like a keyboard, my life will never ever be complete if it is not in it.
I will always look for it. It's the only thing I need to be whole again...
It's "U".
Rain fell at 3:38 pm
**11*09**
Coming Home
The last time I was at the Airport, I couldn't stand the sight of emotional people. The eager look on people's faces as they await for their love ones. You'd see a whole family simultaneously turn on the glow in their cheeks once they see the figure of their beloved relatives who have been gone for years. I hardly realized that I would feel the same thing once Kuya Mario steps down from the plane. But I hid the tears, I just smiled until the corners of my mouth reached my nape. A little stop at Duty Free and we were heading back to Cavite.
That was 4 years ago, Back then I was still staying at my Lola's place and I was still in college. And I wasn't overly sentimental as I am now. This afternoon I was back there. This time I wasn't waiting for a close relative. I was there because Jeff asked me if I accompany him to fetch his mom and dad who just came from London. Now it's different I could feel Jeff's excitement and anticipation, the moment we got to NAIA. Weird, I thought I used to feel indifferent about these things, like this stuff only happens in commercials. Now I'm one of them.
Maybe because the thought of someone who's long been gone returning to you somewhat made me happy. Funny how painful experiences would change the way people feel about certain things. I saw myself in Jeff's place. Like I was out there waiting for the one I love to come back and finally come home. Unlike Jeff I don't have to wave my hand for her to see me. She knows where to find me...She knows that I'm just right here waiting for her to come home.
Rain fell at 6:16 pm
**11*09**
A month has passed since we talked about the [ s p a c e ] thing.
and I'll only be repeating myself again if I tell you that I miss her.
It seems like since I started this blogger thing all I can write about
is her, her, and her.
and this may go on and on...
I'm sorry I just miss her so much...
Rain fell at 6:48 pm
So I followed my fingers as it made its way to the keyboard while my eyes kept looking for something, on and on it kept pressing and pressing and I wasn't aware of the time that passed or how long I stared at the PC monitor. I wasn't really certain of what I was really looking for, I only know it has been gone for so long and that I know my keyboard will never be complete if it is not in it. I know it was beside "Y" and "I" have been missing it so bad. And I'm never less certain that "J" will never be over it.
And then I finally hit it.
Like a keyboard, my life will never ever be complete if it is not in it.
I will always look for it. It's the only thing I need to be whole again...
It's "U".
Rain fell at 3:38 pm
**11*09**
Coming Home
The last time I was at the Airport, I couldn't stand the sight of emotional people. The eager look on people's faces as they await for their love ones. You'd see a whole family simultaneously turn on the glow in their cheeks once they see the figure of their beloved relatives who have been gone for years. I hardly realized that I would feel the same thing once Kuya Mario steps down from the plane. But I hid the tears, I just smiled until the corners of my mouth reached my nape. A little stop at Duty Free and we were heading back to Cavite.
That was 4 years ago, Back then I was still staying at my Lola's place and I was still in college. And I wasn't overly sentimental as I am now. This afternoon I was back there. This time I wasn't waiting for a close relative. I was there because Jeff asked me if I accompany him to fetch his mom and dad who just came from London. Now it's different I could feel Jeff's excitement and anticipation, the moment we got to NAIA. Weird, I thought I used to feel indifferent about these things, like this stuff only happens in commercials. Now I'm one of them.
Maybe because the thought of someone who's long been gone returning to you somewhat made me happy. Funny how painful experiences would change the way people feel about certain things. I saw myself in Jeff's place. Like I was out there waiting for the one I love to come back and finally come home. Unlike Jeff I don't have to wave my hand for her to see me. She knows where to find me...She knows that I'm just right here waiting for her to come home.
Rain fell at 6:16 pm
**11*09**
A month has passed since we talked about the [ s p a c e ] thing.
and I'll only be repeating myself again if I tell you that I miss her.
It seems like since I started this blogger thing all I can write about
is her, her, and her.
and this may go on and on...
I'm sorry I just miss her so much...
Rain fell at 6:48 pm
Monday, September 08, 2003
Ghosts at Project 4
Still a bit woozy from the booze last night and I got stucked in my pc chair while staring at a blank word document... I'm hoping I could finish that tomorrow once I get back to the comfort of my lonely walls...
I decided to spend the night over here at Project 4 and befriend the ghosts at Jeff's apartment. and I'm sure I'm in for one scary night.
I've seen ghosts all my life, perhaps hundreds I'm not sure coz' I stopped counting since I was 13. If you're curious and you want to have this gift for a day. Well think again. I never got used to it.
I remember this one encounter with a ghost and this story have always been one of the things I usually tell when I get together with friends and the laughter would suddenly be replaced with chills...
I was in Charles Huang Conference Center in Batangas, that's where we hold our recollection every year and I was in my Sophomore Year in College. It was Bedtime after the long day of sharing, the whole religious stuff thing we were all asleep when I was awakened by a sound of someone talking I thought it was my classmate calling me who was in the upper deck of the bed so I opened my eyes. I nearly froze to death when I saw the figure of a woman floating right in my face as if she was on top of me chanting something in Latin. I hid under my covers and waited for the sound to stop...
and I didn't get to sleep again...
Tonight, I'll be left alone in the apartment, and I'm pretty sure I'll see that old lady again... the one I've seen twice everytime Jeff would invite us there.
Somebody call the Ghostbusters!
Rain fell at 7:38 pm
Still a bit woozy from the booze last night and I got stucked in my pc chair while staring at a blank word document... I'm hoping I could finish that tomorrow once I get back to the comfort of my lonely walls...
I decided to spend the night over here at Project 4 and befriend the ghosts at Jeff's apartment. and I'm sure I'm in for one scary night.
I've seen ghosts all my life, perhaps hundreds I'm not sure coz' I stopped counting since I was 13. If you're curious and you want to have this gift for a day. Well think again. I never got used to it.
I remember this one encounter with a ghost and this story have always been one of the things I usually tell when I get together with friends and the laughter would suddenly be replaced with chills...
I was in Charles Huang Conference Center in Batangas, that's where we hold our recollection every year and I was in my Sophomore Year in College. It was Bedtime after the long day of sharing, the whole religious stuff thing we were all asleep when I was awakened by a sound of someone talking I thought it was my classmate calling me who was in the upper deck of the bed so I opened my eyes. I nearly froze to death when I saw the figure of a woman floating right in my face as if she was on top of me chanting something in Latin. I hid under my covers and waited for the sound to stop...
and I didn't get to sleep again...
Tonight, I'll be left alone in the apartment, and I'm pretty sure I'll see that old lady again... the one I've seen twice everytime Jeff would invite us there.
Somebody call the Ghostbusters!
Rain fell at 7:38 pm
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Sane?
Yesterday I got lots of things I wanna write about, I felt like a part of me would burst and consequently my eyes will flood with tears again.
I was mad, enraged, ecstatic, overjoyed, annoyed, pissed off (blogspot was down? Still down?) nervous, somewhat calm yet desperate, thrilled, bashful, hopeful, sleepy, bored, and tired. I got all these feelings inside me and I could hardly distinguish each one from the other. Amazingly, it made my day... somewhat different.
I've always been different, unconventional in my own weird, eerie way.
I got bored from Attorney Barribal-Co's Ranting in my Political Law class, I loathed everyone in the class even those whom I was fond of making fun of. She scared the hell of us with the things she said about Bar Examinations. The grandeur, the festivity on the last Sunday of the 4 Sundays you have to go through, the sacrifice you have to make for 6 months of your review. She went on and on while I laughed at the back. The funny thing was, there was nothing funny. Perhaps lunacy finally made a break through my defenses.
I wanted to get out as much as I wanted to stay... and I wanted to scream and tell everyone how much I wanted to stay silent. I took a deep breath because I wanted to free my lungs off the air. I wished I had no more air to breathe but I wanted to live on and not breathe. I'm sick of breathing. I'm tired of eating and taking a crap. I just want to lay down and sleep while I fight the urge of getting up and run away from it.
I'm confused with all the clarity of the way things are going. Beyond the beyond I was way up falling down. I want to be alone but I can't stand being with me. Out of all the confusion came the resolution that the blur was so clear I couldn't see how much I want to stay sane. Yet reason comes to an end that there's nothing more to reason about.
I don't want to feel anymore.
I'm hurting but I can't feel the pain.
Maybe someday I'll get used to it.
When I'm all callous. When my soul would shed its spirit and hope though not completely gone fades away and leaves a tiny light. A speck of dusts which blinds and lulls me into oblivion.
And I would forget what pain is, what it's like to be drenched in tears.
I'll forget what feelings are and what they were.
But not her.
Rain fell at 2:27 pm
Yesterday I got lots of things I wanna write about, I felt like a part of me would burst and consequently my eyes will flood with tears again.
I was mad, enraged, ecstatic, overjoyed, annoyed, pissed off (blogspot was down? Still down?) nervous, somewhat calm yet desperate, thrilled, bashful, hopeful, sleepy, bored, and tired. I got all these feelings inside me and I could hardly distinguish each one from the other. Amazingly, it made my day... somewhat different.
I've always been different, unconventional in my own weird, eerie way.
I got bored from Attorney Barribal-Co's Ranting in my Political Law class, I loathed everyone in the class even those whom I was fond of making fun of. She scared the hell of us with the things she said about Bar Examinations. The grandeur, the festivity on the last Sunday of the 4 Sundays you have to go through, the sacrifice you have to make for 6 months of your review. She went on and on while I laughed at the back. The funny thing was, there was nothing funny. Perhaps lunacy finally made a break through my defenses.
I wanted to get out as much as I wanted to stay... and I wanted to scream and tell everyone how much I wanted to stay silent. I took a deep breath because I wanted to free my lungs off the air. I wished I had no more air to breathe but I wanted to live on and not breathe. I'm sick of breathing. I'm tired of eating and taking a crap. I just want to lay down and sleep while I fight the urge of getting up and run away from it.
I'm confused with all the clarity of the way things are going. Beyond the beyond I was way up falling down. I want to be alone but I can't stand being with me. Out of all the confusion came the resolution that the blur was so clear I couldn't see how much I want to stay sane. Yet reason comes to an end that there's nothing more to reason about.
I don't want to feel anymore.
I'm hurting but I can't feel the pain.
Maybe someday I'll get used to it.
When I'm all callous. When my soul would shed its spirit and hope though not completely gone fades away and leaves a tiny light. A speck of dusts which blinds and lulls me into oblivion.
And I would forget what pain is, what it's like to be drenched in tears.
I'll forget what feelings are and what they were.
But not her.
Rain fell at 2:27 pm
Friday, September 05, 2003
25
I bought a gift for her at Buffalo, I got her a nice collared mini shirt with stripes of mint green and blue. I was so happy and somewhat proud because I bought it from my first paycheck. After work we met at Power books in Mega Mall. We had dinner at Kenny Rogers then we went to her place. She gave me a WWJD ID holder and she got me a book by Anne Rice, The Mummy. It was a book I've always wanted to have and I got it from her.
I was so happy. Not because of the book, but because I know I was loved. And finally I felt that I really belong to someone. Nothing, no, nothing could ever compare with the happiness I felt...
That was 2 years ago.
Our first monthsarry.
For 2 years I've tried not to let the 5th day of each month pass without seeing her. No matter how tough things were. No matter how difficult things have become. I always wanted to see her. To greet her, and Thank her for each passing month that she stays with me.
Now I can't see her, I won't even get to greet her.
God, I miss her so much!
I want to see her, be with her, hold her in my arms, kiss her and just look at her and tell her that I love her but I can't.
This is what she wants, this is what she needs... [ s p a c e .]
so I gave it to her...
Because I want her to be happy, even if her happiness means I'm not part if it.
Happy 25th monthsarry Baby!
I love you.
Rain fell at 1:35 am
**11*09**
Perfect Irony
My eyes are welling with tears but I want to smile, just a faint one...
For love, for the rough times, when I stood still and remained
I'm yours, still even if you don't want to own me.
I want to see the light but I chose to stay in the gloom
Here in my dark, cold and desolate room
I breathe...
Not for the moment, Not for today
But for the day you come back to me.
*I miss the comfort in being sad...
Rain fell at 2:09 pm
*Kurt Cobain, Frances Farmer will have her revenge in Seattle.
**11*09**
I love you and nothing in this world could ever change that. Not even you.
Rain fell at 2:30 pm
I bought a gift for her at Buffalo, I got her a nice collared mini shirt with stripes of mint green and blue. I was so happy and somewhat proud because I bought it from my first paycheck. After work we met at Power books in Mega Mall. We had dinner at Kenny Rogers then we went to her place. She gave me a WWJD ID holder and she got me a book by Anne Rice, The Mummy. It was a book I've always wanted to have and I got it from her.
I was so happy. Not because of the book, but because I know I was loved. And finally I felt that I really belong to someone. Nothing, no, nothing could ever compare with the happiness I felt...
That was 2 years ago.
Our first monthsarry.
For 2 years I've tried not to let the 5th day of each month pass without seeing her. No matter how tough things were. No matter how difficult things have become. I always wanted to see her. To greet her, and Thank her for each passing month that she stays with me.
Now I can't see her, I won't even get to greet her.
God, I miss her so much!
I want to see her, be with her, hold her in my arms, kiss her and just look at her and tell her that I love her but I can't.
This is what she wants, this is what she needs... [ s p a c e .]
so I gave it to her...
Because I want her to be happy, even if her happiness means I'm not part if it.
Happy 25th monthsarry Baby!
I love you.
Rain fell at 1:35 am
**11*09**
Perfect Irony
My eyes are welling with tears but I want to smile, just a faint one...
For love, for the rough times, when I stood still and remained
I'm yours, still even if you don't want to own me.
I want to see the light but I chose to stay in the gloom
Here in my dark, cold and desolate room
I breathe...
Not for the moment, Not for today
But for the day you come back to me.
*I miss the comfort in being sad...
Rain fell at 2:09 pm
*Kurt Cobain, Frances Farmer will have her revenge in Seattle.
**11*09**
I love you and nothing in this world could ever change that. Not even you.
Rain fell at 2:30 pm
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Julia
I stumbled upon photos of her in my pc, I didn't want to look at them because that would make me miss her even more. So I created a new folder for the pictures and I named it Cheyenne Gallery. That would be like a stop sign and I wouldn't dare open it... but there's one picture I couldn't help but look at, it was a picture of her, Averill (her nephew) and Lola Julia. Believe it or not I've grown to love the people close to her. I miss Averill. I miss her terribly... and I miss Lola Julia too... I wonder how she's doing, she's now in Australia and the last time we talked about her, she told me she barely even gets up from her bed. And so I this song for her. It's an old Beatles song that not every Beatles fan know about, It's a song John wrote for his mom. Now I sing it for Lola Julia...
JULIA
The Beatles
White Album
D Bm7 F#m7
Half of what I say is meaningless
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
But I say it just to reach you Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, Julia, ocean child calls me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
So I sing a song of love, Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile calls me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7 D
So I sing a song of love, Julia
BRIDGE:
C#m D
Her hair of floating sky is shimmering
Bm7 Bm6 F#m2 F#m F#m(D) F#m
Glimmering, in the sun
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, Julia, morning moon touch me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7 D
So I sing a song of love, Julia
D Bm7 F#m
When I cannot sing my heart
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
I can only speak my mind, Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud touch me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
So I sing a song of love, Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Mmm ... Calls me
D Bm7 A D A D F#m7 A7 Dmaj7
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia
Rain fell at 3:02 pm
**11*09**
Medley
This songs best describes what I'm feeling right now...
Sometimes there's nothing you can do but sing your
heart out, hindi totoong nauubos ang luha...
kakanta na lang ako
Out here on my own
Irene Cara
Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am,
Do I fit in.
Make believein' is hard alone,
Out here on my own.
We're always provin' who we are,
Always reachin'
For that risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home,
Out here on my own.
When I'm down and feelin' blue,
I close my eyes so I can be with you.
Oh, baby be strong for me;
Baby belong to me.
Help me through.
Help me need you.
Until the morning sun appears
Making light
Of all my fears,
I dry the tears
I've never shown,
Out here on my own.
But when I'm down and feelin' blue,
I close my eyes so I can be with you.
Oh, baby be strong for me;
Baby, belong to me.
Help me through.
Help me need you.
Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am,
Do I fit in.
I may not win,
But I can't be thrown,
Out here on my own,
Out here on my own.
Unwell
Matchbox Twenty
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Best I've ever had
Vertical Horizon
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever...
Rain fell at 6:08 pm
I stumbled upon photos of her in my pc, I didn't want to look at them because that would make me miss her even more. So I created a new folder for the pictures and I named it Cheyenne Gallery. That would be like a stop sign and I wouldn't dare open it... but there's one picture I couldn't help but look at, it was a picture of her, Averill (her nephew) and Lola Julia. Believe it or not I've grown to love the people close to her. I miss Averill. I miss her terribly... and I miss Lola Julia too... I wonder how she's doing, she's now in Australia and the last time we talked about her, she told me she barely even gets up from her bed. And so I this song for her. It's an old Beatles song that not every Beatles fan know about, It's a song John wrote for his mom. Now I sing it for Lola Julia...
JULIA
The Beatles
White Album
D Bm7 F#m7
Half of what I say is meaningless
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
But I say it just to reach you Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, Julia, ocean child calls me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
So I sing a song of love, Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile calls me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7 D
So I sing a song of love, Julia
BRIDGE:
C#m D
Her hair of floating sky is shimmering
Bm7 Bm6 F#m2 F#m F#m(D) F#m
Glimmering, in the sun
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, Julia, morning moon touch me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7 D
So I sing a song of love, Julia
D Bm7 F#m
When I cannot sing my heart
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
I can only speak my mind, Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud touch me
D Bm7 F#m7 A7
So I sing a song of love, Julia
D Bm7 Am Am7 B7 Gm7(9) Gm7
Mmm ... Calls me
D Bm7 A D A D F#m7 A7 Dmaj7
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia
Rain fell at 3:02 pm
**11*09**
Medley
This songs best describes what I'm feeling right now...
Sometimes there's nothing you can do but sing your
heart out, hindi totoong nauubos ang luha...
kakanta na lang ako
Out here on my own
Irene Cara
Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am,
Do I fit in.
Make believein' is hard alone,
Out here on my own.
We're always provin' who we are,
Always reachin'
For that risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home,
Out here on my own.
When I'm down and feelin' blue,
I close my eyes so I can be with you.
Oh, baby be strong for me;
Baby belong to me.
Help me through.
Help me need you.
Until the morning sun appears
Making light
Of all my fears,
I dry the tears
I've never shown,
Out here on my own.
But when I'm down and feelin' blue,
I close my eyes so I can be with you.
Oh, baby be strong for me;
Baby, belong to me.
Help me through.
Help me need you.
Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am,
Do I fit in.
I may not win,
But I can't be thrown,
Out here on my own,
Out here on my own.
Unwell
Matchbox Twenty
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Best I've ever had
Vertical Horizon
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever...
Rain fell at 6:08 pm
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Channel 5
If I were a doctor for sad, depressed, broken hearted, hopelessly insane people. My prescription would read: Turn on your TV on a Monday night at around 9:30 and glue your eyes on the boob tube. Never mind the commercials because they don't have too many sponsors and the break would only last less than 2 minutes. Just sit back, there's no need to touch the dial because you'll be in for the laughs and one hell of a show.
I'm not talking about The Misadventures of Maverick and Ariel. I'm talking about The gags of Mrs. Elvira Villasanta. She's one funny mom, even my mom complained of hyperacidity and migraine which she got from too much laughing.
In fairness to the 2 stars of the show they are both funny in their own way, but I find Ariel and his mom the savior of the show. I guess I'm not much of a Maverick fan, and I hate it when he says his gag line "Maverick only" was that supposed to be funny? It's not even a segway.
Still I find the show funny, I don't know maybe I just have a weird sense of humor and I'm the one in need of a good prescription from a shrink.
Doctor, anyone?
**11*09**
Sleep all day
Yesterday I had a dream and I dreamt I was sleeping.
I wanted so much not to wake up that even when I was in slumber world my dream was I had my eyes closed and I was way past REM.
Did you ever had a dream like you were running and running that when you woke up you felt so tired and you felt like you did run?
Well, my dream is far from that but I felt so tired.
I slept and wanted to go on sleeping because I was running away from thoughts of her. And every time I woke up I see her face so I ran after sleep again.
The more I ran, the more I realize that I really can't get away from her... Because a part of me belongs to her.
I hate sleeping.
Rain fell at 2:09 pm
If I were a doctor for sad, depressed, broken hearted, hopelessly insane people. My prescription would read: Turn on your TV on a Monday night at around 9:30 and glue your eyes on the boob tube. Never mind the commercials because they don't have too many sponsors and the break would only last less than 2 minutes. Just sit back, there's no need to touch the dial because you'll be in for the laughs and one hell of a show.
I'm not talking about The Misadventures of Maverick and Ariel. I'm talking about The gags of Mrs. Elvira Villasanta. She's one funny mom, even my mom complained of hyperacidity and migraine which she got from too much laughing.
In fairness to the 2 stars of the show they are both funny in their own way, but I find Ariel and his mom the savior of the show. I guess I'm not much of a Maverick fan, and I hate it when he says his gag line "Maverick only" was that supposed to be funny? It's not even a segway.
Still I find the show funny, I don't know maybe I just have a weird sense of humor and I'm the one in need of a good prescription from a shrink.
Doctor, anyone?
**11*09**
Sleep all day
Yesterday I had a dream and I dreamt I was sleeping.
I wanted so much not to wake up that even when I was in slumber world my dream was I had my eyes closed and I was way past REM.
Did you ever had a dream like you were running and running that when you woke up you felt so tired and you felt like you did run?
Well, my dream is far from that but I felt so tired.
I slept and wanted to go on sleeping because I was running away from thoughts of her. And every time I woke up I see her face so I ran after sleep again.
The more I ran, the more I realize that I really can't get away from her... Because a part of me belongs to her.
I hate sleeping.
Rain fell at 2:09 pm
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Jim Carrey
If there's one thing I've noticed about comedians, or people who seem to be very funny, is that they all have sad stories behind their masks of a funny face. They seem to have come out of a thick lonely shell while some are still trapped in their own miserable web spun by that big spider called existence.
I'm not saying that it holds true to all those who have been gifted with the Divine spark. Unless someone has developed a vaccine against melancholy, we are all vulnerable to it. Maybe it's more interesting to write about irony. "Although I laugh and I act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown" (John Lennon, I'm a loser) catchy isn't it? Or because TV has fed us so much about a comedians' nauseous stomach because Charo Santos has developed too much attachment with the lives of funny people that I've watched her show too often.
Jim Carrey said, On his way to becoming a comedy icon, he once asked " What is it? What is it that drives people to go to Comedy shows? He came up with an answer... "Pain".
Why pain? to be released from it? to avoid it? I used to think that nothing good can come from it. But somehow from the notion of what pain is you derive what relief is. I guess that's what Jim found in his answer.
Grief helps us understand what Joy is, the same way we comprehend silence because of noise. Pain is there to keep us aware that beyond the ache, therein lies
pleasure...
Isn't it ironic?
Rain fell at 5:05 pm
If there's one thing I've noticed about comedians, or people who seem to be very funny, is that they all have sad stories behind their masks of a funny face. They seem to have come out of a thick lonely shell while some are still trapped in their own miserable web spun by that big spider called existence.
I'm not saying that it holds true to all those who have been gifted with the Divine spark. Unless someone has developed a vaccine against melancholy, we are all vulnerable to it. Maybe it's more interesting to write about irony. "Although I laugh and I act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown" (John Lennon, I'm a loser) catchy isn't it? Or because TV has fed us so much about a comedians' nauseous stomach because Charo Santos has developed too much attachment with the lives of funny people that I've watched her show too often.
Jim Carrey said, On his way to becoming a comedy icon, he once asked " What is it? What is it that drives people to go to Comedy shows? He came up with an answer... "Pain".
Why pain? to be released from it? to avoid it? I used to think that nothing good can come from it. But somehow from the notion of what pain is you derive what relief is. I guess that's what Jim found in his answer.
Grief helps us understand what Joy is, the same way we comprehend silence because of noise. Pain is there to keep us aware that beyond the ache, therein lies
pleasure...
Isn't it ironic?
Rain fell at 5:05 pm
Monday, September 01, 2003
September
I survived August...
And here comes a new month... September.
Unlike Maurice White, Charles Stepney & Verdine White
or the Earth, Wind and Fire I have nothing to ba-de-ya! about.
I can't dance in September. And September will definitely have
cloudy days...
My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love,
Remember how we knew love was here to stay
(from September Earth Wind and Fire)
and I would definitely deal with this throughout
September...
Blame it on the Earth for revolving around the sun,
too fast...
But I cannot freeze time... nor will I even If
I had the power...
Because she's not with me.
Rain fell at 5:30 pm
**11*09**
I made this letter a year ago...
this still stands
this is what I offered
this is for her...
I want someone to be there
When I'm alone and afraid
...Afraid of being alone
I want someone to hold me tight
Who'll be there through the night;
I want someone who will love me through no matter what;
I want someone who can hate me for my flaws and accept me for my faults and still love me despite of it all;
I want someone to tell me "I've loved you more than I've loved any other man/woman" and look at me in the eyes with all honesty;
I want someone, I need someone who'd do everything for me, no matter how difficult I can become;
I want someone who will take care of me, who sees to it that I'm safe and takes comfort knowing that I am;
I want someone who will be there when I need him/her and perhaps even if I don't;
I want someone who will be there on my birthday and tell me "I"m glad you were born!"
I want someone who will make me feel special, cared for and loved;
I need someone who will always be there;
I want someone who is not afraid of commitment;
I want someone who will love me and those whom I love;
I want someone who is not ashamed of love and isn't afraid to show it;
I want someone who wouldn't just use me I want him/her to need me and love me;
I want someone who is ready to give everything for our love;
I want someone who will love no one else but me;
I want someone, I need someone who will still be there even when I don't believe in love anymore, and give all he/she's
got to make me fall in love all over again...
And when I find that someone, I won't let him/her slip away!
...don't we all long for that someone?
*11*09**
The tale of the nocturnal angel wannabe
I received this email from Pam,
well said Pam,
This really is a writer's worst nightmare!
Hey, everyone..
I received this e-mail today:
From : "xxxx xxxxx"
To : pampastor@hotmail.com
Subject : Your blog - nocturnalangel.tk
Date : Wed, 06 Aug 2003 20:59:18 +0800
Hi pajammy,
I stumbled upon your blog on blogger whilst browsing through the recently published blogs and discovered to my surprise tt ur blog contained similar content on another blog which I frequently visit because of its writings.
I found out to my disgust that the author of this blog has been copying your writings indiscriminately and posting unto her blog as hers.
Initially, I couldn't be sure who copied whose first, and I even suspected you might be the one copying her work, but after a while, I noticed that she seemed to be posting similar writings after you had already posted yours - so I figured she was the one infringing on your rights.
I advise you to get your blog copyrighted with a free licence from http://creativecommons.org and to take suitable action against the person plagiarising your works. That is, if you care.
After this incident, which was really too much of a coincidence (as I found both blogs), I have decided to protect my own blog with a proper licence.
The blog in question which is using your works without authorisation is this: http://intimidatinglybeautiful.blogspot.com. You might want to check it out and see for yourself.
P.S. I really like your writings and am upset to see such plagiarism at work.
XXXX
At first I thought it was spam, some person trying to get me to sign up for a license. But when I clicked on the link, I discovered that she was telling me the truth. This other girl has been stealing my posts for a month now - just replacing the links and the names. She even copied chat excerpts and conversations with friends.
She's not doing this just to me. She's been stealing from http://suburbanwit.blogon.com and http://rocktheboat.blogspot.com as well. I'm sure there are other victims and you can help identify them.
If one girl can go this far, I'm sure there are others who would stoop that low too. I think it's important for all of us who love blogging to start protecting one other against this abuse. If you see similarities between posts on different blogs, please inform the concerned parties immediately.
Let's try to watch one another's backs.
I have reported her to the people behind Blogger. I tried contacting this girl but have not been successful yet. There is no commenting system on her blog but there is a tagboard on her group blog - http://higekemumi.blogspot.com/ - although I'm not sure if it's active.
I am planning legal action. I know I could probably just feel sorry for her for not having enough confidence in her own thoughts but people like her should be punished - otherwise, they'll keep doing it to more and more people.
I just wanted you to know about this, to warn you.
Coz it happened to me and it can happen to you too.
Thanks.
:)
Pam
http://nocturnalangel2.blogspot.com
I survived August...
And here comes a new month... September.
Unlike Maurice White, Charles Stepney & Verdine White
or the Earth, Wind and Fire I have nothing to ba-de-ya! about.
I can't dance in September. And September will definitely have
cloudy days...
My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love,
Remember how we knew love was here to stay
(from September Earth Wind and Fire)
and I would definitely deal with this throughout
September...
Blame it on the Earth for revolving around the sun,
too fast...
But I cannot freeze time... nor will I even If
I had the power...
Because she's not with me.
Rain fell at 5:30 pm
**11*09**
I made this letter a year ago...
this still stands
this is what I offered
this is for her...
I want someone to be there
When I'm alone and afraid
...Afraid of being alone
I want someone to hold me tight
Who'll be there through the night;
I want someone who will love me through no matter what;
I want someone who can hate me for my flaws and accept me for my faults and still love me despite of it all;
I want someone to tell me "I've loved you more than I've loved any other man/woman" and look at me in the eyes with all honesty;
I want someone, I need someone who'd do everything for me, no matter how difficult I can become;
I want someone who will take care of me, who sees to it that I'm safe and takes comfort knowing that I am;
I want someone who will be there when I need him/her and perhaps even if I don't;
I want someone who will be there on my birthday and tell me "I"m glad you were born!"
I want someone who will make me feel special, cared for and loved;
I need someone who will always be there;
I want someone who is not afraid of commitment;
I want someone who will love me and those whom I love;
I want someone who is not ashamed of love and isn't afraid to show it;
I want someone who wouldn't just use me I want him/her to need me and love me;
I want someone who is ready to give everything for our love;
I want someone who will love no one else but me;
I want someone, I need someone who will still be there even when I don't believe in love anymore, and give all he/she's
got to make me fall in love all over again...
And when I find that someone, I won't let him/her slip away!
...don't we all long for that someone?
*11*09**
The tale of the nocturnal angel wannabe
I received this email from Pam,
well said Pam,
This really is a writer's worst nightmare!
Hey, everyone..
I received this e-mail today:
From : "xxxx xxxxx"
To : pampastor@hotmail.com
Subject : Your blog - nocturnalangel.tk
Date : Wed, 06 Aug 2003 20:59:18 +0800
Hi pajammy,
I stumbled upon your blog on blogger whilst browsing through the recently published blogs and discovered to my surprise tt ur blog contained similar content on another blog which I frequently visit because of its writings.
I found out to my disgust that the author of this blog has been copying your writings indiscriminately and posting unto her blog as hers.
Initially, I couldn't be sure who copied whose first, and I even suspected you might be the one copying her work, but after a while, I noticed that she seemed to be posting similar writings after you had already posted yours - so I figured she was the one infringing on your rights.
I advise you to get your blog copyrighted with a free licence from http://creativecommons.org and to take suitable action against the person plagiarising your works. That is, if you care.
After this incident, which was really too much of a coincidence (as I found both blogs), I have decided to protect my own blog with a proper licence.
The blog in question which is using your works without authorisation is this: http://intimidatinglybeautiful.blogspot.com. You might want to check it out and see for yourself.
P.S. I really like your writings and am upset to see such plagiarism at work.
XXXX
At first I thought it was spam, some person trying to get me to sign up for a license. But when I clicked on the link, I discovered that she was telling me the truth. This other girl has been stealing my posts for a month now - just replacing the links and the names. She even copied chat excerpts and conversations with friends.
She's not doing this just to me. She's been stealing from http://suburbanwit.blogon.com and http://rocktheboat.blogspot.com as well. I'm sure there are other victims and you can help identify them.
If one girl can go this far, I'm sure there are others who would stoop that low too. I think it's important for all of us who love blogging to start protecting one other against this abuse. If you see similarities between posts on different blogs, please inform the concerned parties immediately.
Let's try to watch one another's backs.
I have reported her to the people behind Blogger. I tried contacting this girl but have not been successful yet. There is no commenting system on her blog but there is a tagboard on her group blog - http://higekemumi.blogspot.com/ - although I'm not sure if it's active.
I am planning legal action. I know I could probably just feel sorry for her for not having enough confidence in her own thoughts but people like her should be punished - otherwise, they'll keep doing it to more and more people.
I just wanted you to know about this, to warn you.
Coz it happened to me and it can happen to you too.
Thanks.
:)
Pam
http://nocturnalangel2.blogspot.com
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