You keep me going

Your love keeps me going, your faith in me helps me as I struggle to fight my insecurities. You keep me warm and safe and I feel comfort in your wings. When you hold me tight, when I rouse you from your sleep and you say "I love you!" I miss you... Your love keeps me sane.

Your smile eases my tired body, and the mere sight of you pushes me to keep dreaming. Yes, I dream still, even though dreaming has always failed me. The sound of your laughter gives rest to my tired soul. I look at your little hands and I wonder how such small hands can create such magic with just one touch. Your tiny little feet tells me that life goes on, to look in to the future with a sense of calm and eager anticipation. Everything is gonna be alright. I have you, I have your mother.

Uncertain as our future together, I grasp at the hope that we'll always stay together, no matter how tough things may become. You'll have me, You'll both have me. I will always be here for you.


I get tired, I get dizzy from life and hope sometimes slips away but I know I have to be strong for you, for our son.

I love you!

You keep me going.

Missing you, missing us...

I saw this in our room when I got home today...

I miss her too, I miss my wife, I miss waking up with her by my side. I come home at night to find her getting ready for work. Sometimes I find her sleeping comfortably in our room when I get home early and I struggle with the urge to wake her up or wait until 7pm or until her alarm wakes her up.

I miss her more than she thinks I do.

I miss you Mine! I hope you can hear me when I say that I miss you...

I miss spending time with you, I miss you and the warmth of your body when I hold you in my arms to hug you tight;

and I love you too Mine! Now more than ever...

Eraserheads Final Set

For the people who loved them, grew up with them and followed their music. For the 90's generation, March 7, 2009 wasn't just an ordinary night. It was a night to remember. One for the annals of our music history.

Marcus, Buddy, Raimund and Ely; or simply The Eraserheads to us. The group who came and broke into the Philippine music scene back in the 1990's with a thunderous  and paved the way for honest to goodness alternative music was on stage. Reunited again. Perhaps for the last time.

And I'm proud to say I was there, with my wife and my Tita. I missed the first one back in August and I still nag myself for that. So we went there with no tickets in hand, consoling ourselves with the thought that at least we'll get to listen to them and that's all that mattered.

But technology was kind to lend us a vision of what's happening inside. A wide screen projector allowed us to witness history. It was a chill to see them play again as one unit.

It took us an hour to park the car, but it was worth all the hassle. When we arrived, Raimund was on the mic singing Slo mo, Marcus took over frontman duties with Insomya afterwards then Ely sang Torpedo to close the 1st set. A break allowed them to rest for a while but by the time we got back near the concert grounds, they were already playing Wishing wells.

I loved the way they played Kailan, I think this was their relaxed acoustic set. When I heard the intro for Spoliarium, it was as if my heart would stop beating. I don't know if it was just me or if it was the athmosphere that was common to every Eheads fan out there but I was emotional. Maybe because of the thought that this is the last time we'll ever see them play together again. Or its because Im a softie. (as my trainer puts it... hahaha!)

 My wife and I outside the concert grounds

The posers outside

There were posers who were slam dancing outside who probably didn't really listen to Eheads but were there to make a scene and validate the authenticity of their rocker image.

There was a 5 minute break after the 2nd set. And then I heard Ely's voice saying, "Para kay Francis" The crowd chanted "Francis, Francis, Francis!" I heard that Francis was supposed to perform Superproxy that night, or was supposed to appear as s surprise guest too bad he didn't make it it would've made this event all the more spectacular. He will surely be missed.

With the crowd chanting the Master Rapper's name. Marcus gave the unmistakable intro for Superproxy, as if it was a trip down memory lane Ely followed it with Minsan. A more melodic version of Alapaap was rendered afterwards and as a tribute to Francis M. They sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope world.

My wife and I talked about what could be the most appropriate Eheads song for the finale. We both agreed it was "Ang Huling El Bimbo" and true enough when they played it a grand display of fireworks was set out to color the dark skies (and pollute the air some more; no pun intended). I tried to hide my teary eyes, and took the camera so we can take pictures. (bad segue)

Abee and me

Tita Niña and Abee

But they weren't just done yet. As we headed towards the exits (as if we were inside the concert grounds), or the parking lot I should say, we saw someone climb the stage and on the drums (from the backview of the stage) We heard the intro of Ligaya. so we went back and watched them finish off the show. A little hesitant to leave this time even after we saw the huge sea of crowd heading towards the exit again.

We enjoyed every minute of it. It would've been better if we had tickets and we were inside with the view of the stage but the songs remain the same. After all it was the music that we came for. And hearing them played again by the same band that we loved as teenagers was more than enough. It was more than enough.

When its not for you...

I have always thought that I was destined for greatness. Its a little self-serving; One might think. But that's because that's how I am built. I believe in me. I know the things I am capable of, I am aware of my potential. But the sad part of it is I might be the only one who knows that; the lone person who'll notice how good I can become. Reality will always say, you are not worthy. That's the closest you can get to success. At the bottom of the rank and file.

Is it because there are so many things that I want to do that I haven't got time to even start pursuing them. I guess not. I wanted to become a rock star. I formed my band, contributed my songwriting skills and my voice. I wanted to become a writer. So I started blogging and practiced my amateur creative writing skills. All these to no avail. (at least for now)

Fresh from graduation, the very first office that I went to was a government office. I wanted to have a career that's in line with my field of study, the initial response that I got from the HR guy was "May kilala ka ba dito?" (Do you know someone here?) I didn't fold, I asked for the officer in charge/supervisor and complained about the rude guy. Only to find out that, its just how it is. You have to know somebody to be somebody in that office. (Government offices in general).

Im not gonna start telling the story of my ill fated application at Sandigan anymore. Tragic is the apt word to describe it.

I have bitterly accepted the fact that I cannot be a tv/movie actor. I have abandoned my dreams of becoming a regular host in Eat Bulaga. Some things are just too grand. Unattainable. Unreal.

Just recently I tried to apply for a post at the Senate. I went there, with my crushed spirit and the last few ounces of hope that somehow I might make it. I will finally get a job that I truly love. When I learned that it was in an office that stands proud with integrity, I was even more excited.

Everything went well, I guess. I passed 2 interviews. But in the end, I lost again.

At the pit of desperation, I stopped breathing, I stopped dreaming, I thought to myself, will I be forever stuck in a mediocre job? Am I blessed with these gifts that are bound to rot with my decaying soul.

It wasn't for me, and yet there are so many things I can still be happy about. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son.

I can choose to stop dreaming and face the rest of my life with half dazed energy. And embrace the fact that it's just not for me.

Or I can rise above it, and finally settle my score with fate.

Epiphany

A few weeks back my then pregnant wife told me that although she’s excited to see our son, she says she’ll miss him. She’ll miss being with him everyday. She’ll miss the thought that our baby is just curled up inside her, taking him wherever she goes.

I will never know how it feels to be pregnant, to have a person growing inside you, to go through all the hormonal changes and discomfort that a woman/mother experiences as she lets another person into this world. But I felt for her, I knew exactly what she meant. She loves our son and she wants to be with him, care for him in a way that we men as part of the male species will never get the chance to have.

And so I thought that’s just the way it is for parents. For a mother in particular, It was like an epiphany of what’s she’s going to feel twenty or thirty years later. When our son decides to live a life of his own, have his own family and leave the home he was curled, tucked in every night, nurtured and cared for all his life. Just like when he leaves his mother’s womb that hollow feeling of separating from the fruit of your loins will always be there. And its inevitable no matter how hard you try.

As a father, we will be feeling all these emotions too, like a giant wave that crushes to the ocean floor it will pound us, and leave us with that painful feeling of letting go. Yet it will always be incomparable to that link between a mother and her child. After all, we wouldn’t all be here if it weren’t for our mother, who carried us for nine (10 months actually) months, we bathe with her, went to places with her, ate with her. Everything that transforms us to what we are happened through her.

I can never describe in words what I felt when I first saw my baby boy, our baby boy. And I can imagine my wife feeling the same. He has finally arrived. We worry for him, we miss him when he is not in sight, that’s how it is and that’s how it will be. My mom always used to say, you’ll only realize how hard it is to become parents when you have kids of your own.

The journey begins, and our long wait is over. We can feel anxious about his future and that’s normal, we all are. We welcome him with open arms and all our love. “I can hardly wait to see you come of age, but in the meantime…” (John Lennon, Beautiful Boy) He is our baby boy.

He is our son.

For Jaden

October 25, 2008

3:38 pm

Dearest Jaden,

I’m right here outside the Operating Room where your mom was taken, more than an hour and a half ago. Im scared. Im scared for you and your mom. I wanted so much to be there by your mom’s side. So I could at least hold her hand. I know she’s scared too, but I can see how she’s trying to hide it, not because she doesn’t want me to see her real feelings but because she wants to be brave. She’ll be brave for you.

In a few hours, you’ll be here. I don’t know how long will it take for the doctors or the nurses allow me to see you but I sure am excited. I want to see you come out safe, I want to see your mom and hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. I love you both you and your mom, more than anything else in this world.

If I could trade places with your mom, I would, I don’t want to see her in pain, but that’s not possible. So all I can do is sit here and wait, and pray that you’ll both come out alright. Nothing can ease my fears right now but the sight of you and your mom. There are a thousand feelings I can’t even begin to describe right now and I wish they will all be replaced with the joy of seeing you for the first time, the relief of seeing your mom open her eyes and look for her son, our son.

She will be fine, you will be fine, she’ll look at you and her tired body will feel as though she never went under the knife. I will see her face light up once she sees you. And I will be standing there watching you both, eager to let your mom hold you for the very first time. This is all I hope for, and all I pray for.

I’ll be seeing you in a while. :)

Love,

Daddy

Independent Asian Music TV

The biggest gathering of indie band performance in the country!


And also the opening of the newest international music channel

INDEPENDENT ASIAN MUSIC TV



With performances from foreign indie bands including

the two very fist Filipino Indie Band to rock with the foreign bands

AIRPORT DRAMA and MOON SIREN



With special live performances from


Killer Kamatis
Pseudonym
Tabass
Tanya Markova
Carpe Diem
Codename Adobo
Pentaspiral

This will be held @ Hard Rock Café, Makati (near Glorietta 3)

October 30,2008 @ 7:00PM

Entrance Fee @ PHP400



PLEASE SUPPORT THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME SPECIAL EVENT AND SUPPORT FILIPINO INDIE MUSIC



brought to you by

MUSIC ZONE ENTERTAINMENT

You are here

People are born, we grow up, we'll have our first set of teeth and lose it for the permanent ones, and we will probably lose one or two if we dont care enough for them. We'll go to school, enter into relationships, and, lets cut to the chase, we''ll all grow old. We will either live to become Michael Phelps, or we will sink into mediocrity and become a bitter version of a lifeless dream. Our lives are defined by our constant struggle towards a vision we created. What happens next is up to us, and fate cannot be blamed for what happens neither does circumstance have a share of the consequence. Its either you make or break. Its your call.

Yet with all the uncertainty that taints the clarity of what we aspire to become, we remain unnerved. We fight for every step we take, we gamble with every breath and take the risk of enhaling fumes that are harmful even for the harmless. Lets face it. We are here, You are here. And again, that old cliche, Make the most of what we have, Seize the day! Carpe Diem. We need all the inspiration we can get from people who have gone ahead of us. Take their advice. Take the bold step. Become what you aspire to be. Never be afraid to fight for what you believe, because in the end, nothing really matters. We will all die anyway, but I would rather fight for something I firmly believe in than die for a lie. Or die without trying to see the light.

Believe in your dream. Believe in goodness. For that is all we can cling to, no matter how dark the world turned out to be and will become in the future that is the only hope we have left. The world has become a crazy place, but you are sane. You are still sane.

You are here.

Waiting

My dearest one,

Its not gonna take too long before I finally see your face, before I can touch your hands and I can't wait to feel your fingers around mine. A tight grip as if to say, Im here, I am finally here.

I am excited to see you, I want to hold you and feel your body close to my chest, close to my heart. The warmth of my embrace will keep you safe, will make you feel loved.

She's going to be very exhausted, your mom. But at the sight of you, all her pain from the previous hour or so will gently be eased away. Her tired body will heal in an urgent sense of relief. You are the one we've been waiting for.

And you will be here.

I can't wait to see your first smile, the first time you open your eyes and see us. You are our love. And though I know you'll never have a recollection of that instant. That one single moment will live in my memories until the day I die.

I can't wait to hear your first word, or perhaps the first syllable you will ever utter, it will be like music. Far better than Mozart or Beethoven or the Beatles, no, not even close.

Your first step, your first fall, the first time you'll ride a bike, I can wait to see and watch you grow.

I love you Jaden! I love you my son.

Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you...

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)
John Lennon

Close your eyes,

Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run and your daddy's here,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,


Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,


Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime...

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,


Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,


Darling,
Darling,
Darling Sean.

John Lennon wrote this song for his son Sean Lennon, now Im singing this to my son, Jaden. I love you so much!

Sept 16 2006

Today, I look forward to meeting you, to get a chance to know you. And for the first time in the 8 years I've known you, I'll finally get to hear what's on your mind.
It may not be that grand, I may not be able to get you to share your whole life, you'll have your reservations as I will have mine. Because after all, this is the first time I'll "see" you.

Our first date?

I got up and draw a smile on my face, I woke up feeling perky and all, I don my red poloshirt and head towards the terminal.

I leaned towards the glass of the commuter van I rode on my way to you and heave a nervous sigh, and I wonder, what's it going to be like? Straining to walk and dragging my bag I headed towards the entrance practicing my facial gestures all in the effort of concealing my anxiety.

I am confident as I am insecure. What if she gets turned off? What If I dont win her?

I have to win her...

Struggling to keep my composure, I decide to change my outfit, I have to wear my best shirt, I have to be irresistible.

And there you were, sitting in a coffee shop with a book in hand. I slowly walked towards you.

That first smile, first gesture to walk with me, first word exchange.

Oh how I still cherish that moment...

A band loudly plays their music, we pause to watch them and then I say "let's walk"

And so we left, we rode a jeep and decided to walk, in a desperate move to set the romantic mood, I tried to hold your hand... The first time I held your hand.

Who would've thought that 2 years after, you'll be walking down the aisle towards me to say I do? that you and I will share life that all started with that "walk" that a life will start and we'll soon wait for our boy to walk?

Two years after, the memory lingers but is gradually fading as we both age, soon a long stare to our past is as good as a faint glimpse, but we both know we still have a lifetime to share and build memories for.

September 16, 2006, our day at SM Manila, and the then glorious Baywalk.

Happy 1st date Anniversary!

I love you!

Eraserheads Reunited

I always thought it was possible, and after so many years, it finally happened!

I always prayed that people will still get the chance to see them, onstage singing their hits, unlike the Beatles who never got the chance to play again because John Lennon got shot, it would be a gift for this new generation of music lovers to see them play and so it did.

Even if it was cut short because of that incident with Ely Buendia, it was still worth it.

Too bad I relied so much on the Red list ticket thing. I wasn't able to come. But seeing it happen, even just reading articles is enough for me to be thankful.

Thank you Eraserheads! Thank you for your music!

Sunset

He remembers it clearly. As if it happened just a while ago, every second of it, like a vivid lucid dream, the smell of the air, the grasses beneath his feet. that one moment of tranquility brought by that heavenly vision. The sunset.

And to his right, with her hand in his, the woman he loves, they share that perfect scene that could have lasted forever. She leans over and kisses him. He smiles, whispers a short prayer and tells her " I love you..." In his heart he prays that none of it would end, their love would endure all odds, and if God permits, the sunset.

But no. That's the beauty of the sunset, it has to end. The cycle must go on. The sun rises, gradually spreads and fills the earth with light, at noon, it burns ever more radiant like everything it touches would burn into a cinder, then it slowly calms down. The fire rages and surges and we are deceived. Watching it from afar, we see it die out and claimed by the night, captured and enslaved by the dark, but its flame... it lingers on.

Hands clasped together, he silently prays that like the sunset they are watching, their love wont die out, just as the sun rises and sets it will always be rekindled by fire, a million tomorrows, a thousand and times more goodbyes to each day that passes, that vision of forever will live with them.

The blue sky breaks into an orange outburst, almost like crimson. God's own hand colors it blue, violet, red orange, electric sky shimmers with light. A dazzling display of colors, the beauty and wonder of the heavens before them, serene, eternal.

They fall into a tight embrace, now he kisses her, their eyes speaks only what the heart could comprehend.

She keeps her promise.

To watch a million sunsets with him.

(photo taken by the author in Bicol March 23 2007)

Finding Ms. Carol Vessey

You search and you wonder, will there ever be that someone, who will make you feel so strongly in love, like you could do most everything to make that person yours. Something as ridiculously romantic as wearing a knight's armour to offer flowers for that truly special girl.

You thought that it's never goin to happen, and yet the many failed relationships you've had didn't stop you, too many a time you thought that was it, the sparks were flying, the color of the world around you are ever more radiant, you wake every morning with the sun smiling at you, only to find yourself waking up in the middle of a bad dream trapped in a storm and there's no one there, you find yourself freezing in the cold alone.

You wander, cross paths and collide with fate while destiny has eluded you. You are trapped in a TV show desperately wanting to be the leading man, envious of the fact that a fictional character has someone, that someone, Ms. Carol Vessey. A girl who could make you do things like hire a skywriter, shoot a fake MTV of a love song, ride a horse to church and stop a wedding. You want to be Ed Stevens, the bowling alley lawyer who'd do everything for the girl of his dreams.

You are not in love with Carol. You are looking for that someone who will make you feel the way Ed feels for Carol.



Snap out of it.

Reality will always have a way to get its grip on you.

And this time you can wipe that frown off your face.

She's been there all along. The girl of your dreams. That girl in school you've always thought was a knock out, smart and witty. The one you constantly annoyed because that's how you are when you like someone. You thought that would get her attention and in some twisted way you thought that was cute.

You have found that person who makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

Someone who promises to watch a million sunsets with you. Someone you'll fall deeply in love with.

You found your Carol Vessey.

[photos from stuckeyville.com from the Ed TVseries starring Tom Cavanagh and Julie Bowen]

Lost

I lost my favorite shirt. :(

If anyone has seen it lying on the road, or sitting on a chair somewhere. I'd be more than happy to give you a reward.

A million thanks, a thank you card, and a hug can be arranged. I will be forever grateful to you, indebted like a pig to a spider. I'll be your slave for a week. Just give me back my shirt! Please.

The first time I saw it, I knew we were made for each other, we had a special connection. Like bonnie and clyde, jeckyl and hyde, susie and geno, Kuya Bodjie and Ate Shenna. Crispin at Basilio (now, where did that came from?) I felt like I was home when I wore it, it embraced me, savoured every sweat I had, and I bought it for just a hundred bucks.

Now it's gone.

Here is the last known photograph of the famed black longsleeves I call Banjo.



Mommy: Burara ka kse kung san' san mo siguro nilalagay!!
Jaymie: San mo ba huling sinuot yun?
Mary: Kuya Jay, wala sa'kin
Erwin: ha? ano?!

Me: Bakit di ka man lang nagsabi, sana nagpakuha muna ako ng picture na suot ka... Iiwan mo din pala ako..

Angel Locsin: Sayang ang cute mo pa naman pag suot mo yun...


Im losing my mind.

Love and Hope

You give meaning to my life, new dreams, new hope. I wish you will stay for good, I wish you will find your home with me. I pray that I can hold on to you forever, never let go. And you will say there's no turning back. "I am yours, and yours alone".

We may have different views on certain things, we'll have different priorities, yet I hope and pray that we'll walk together towards the same direction. We'll have fights, battles, disagreements but know that it's because we're two different persons and I have faith that we were bound to be together when our paths crossed.

I choose to love and accept you for who you are, you are part of my life now, part of who I am. Lend me your hand and I swear I'll keep holding on to it, I'll be with you every step of the way.

Courage, faith, trust.

Love and hope.

That is what you are to me.

A new dawn is breaking at 11: 24 pm

Plastics

The one thing that I hate most are people who talk behind your back. These are people who greets you with the sweetest and sincerest smile and growls silently like the Tasmanian Devil on a leash when you walk out the room. They are most commonly known as "Plastik" (plastic) in our lingo. They are the kindest, and holiest persons who'll walk the earth, when everyone is looking. I cannot think of a more appropriate way of describing the very thing that ticks me off in this world. Even though I myself can sometimes give in to the lure of creativity that this skill in interacting with other human beings has to offer. Hiding the disgust for plastics is a treacherous if not an impossible task.

The world is full of dishonest people. That's a fact, a basic truth we can never get away from. They are masters of the craft of lying, acting and hiding what they really feel towards another human being. They are pious, humble and conservative. They regularly go to mass, some even serve the church. But in their own right, they have perfected the art of ridiculing and judging people, they are unpleasant, proud and have no respect for moral standards our society has set.

A typical example would be a friend of mine, itago natin sya sa pangalang Jalhamar Ranjeet Kadafi Ramaputri (not his real name). [His photo appears below] We were friends and bandmates for quite some time. Though we weren't that close, I feel that I have treated him fairly, I may have some shortcomings as a friend and a band leader but I think I did what I could, you see the problem was his poor guitar skills everyone in the band complained about his inadequacy when it comes to practicing his skills. We even got him a tutor but he didn't give enough time for it. So we had to make a decision, a decision that was made by the group and not just me.

But I ended up being the evil one.

The evil one who convinced the rest of the band to kick him out. (nice one, why don't you try getting a stint with S-files or Startalk? bravo! you have a very creative mind...)

Why then would I call him a "plastic"?

The night we broke the news to him, he accepted it calmly, he even said he understood me and he knew that I was the one who was under a lot of pressure because he was my friend even before the band. He approached me gave me a pat in the back and told me "sana wala tayong samaan ng loob" He gave no indication of a grudge or hatred towards me. We even rode a pedicab together.

Only to find out later that he was furious at me for what happened to him. Stark raving mad.

He opened his feelings to our friends. And I became the shunned one. (photos of his friends below)

This piece is for people who doesn't have the balls to confront their inner selves, their worst fears and insecurities and hates the mirror images of themselves. Loathesome individuals who hides behind their cloak of goodness and morality.

For people who cannot speak the truth, who talks honey, and fires away a stink breath of flames when you turn away.

For people who speaks divine and holy, chaste and pure but goes around telling people what a lousy lay the girl last night was, how her cunt stinks.

...lastly for people like you, like everyone of us who are guilty of this deception. to practice a little honesty wouldn't hurt.

I would rather be brutally frank and honest rather than hurt somebody with a lie.

Here's the photo of the man of the year

Jalhamar Ranjeet "the Orocan one" from Bombei

(photo courtesy of Leki-leki foundation,Bombei India, makers of Shawarma perfumes)

[Masamang tao, wag tularan]

Rain fell at 12:29 am

New beginning

Of all the many celebrations we have, I think one of the best time of the year would be the way we greet January 1. The amount of preparation that we exert to make one night, one eve something to remember for the rest of our lives.

Yet it would only last for a while. The holidays would be over, living us with new clothes, new pants with empty pockets. The fridge and the freezer cold and barren. We gain a few pounds alright, but a little lighter financially.

And I ask? was it worth it? Of the many things it represents does it hold a true value, a true meaning in our lives?

I say YES in all its aspects.

The new year doesn't only mark a beginning, but it also tells us to look back at the past year, it tells us what we have become, what we are not, a year older, a lot wiser, or dumber than ever?

2006 was a roller coaster ride for me. A year that meant music for me, my life revolved around it. It saw us lose one member to another, it showed me who my friends really were. The ones who will stick with me through no matter what. The ones who will be willing to know me better.
The ones who still welcomed me with open arms inspite of all the despicable things I've done.
The one who love me for the man that I am and the man I am not.

You know who you are.

Its a time to contemplate, a time for realizations.

A time to change.

Happy New Year everyone!!!


Rain fell a 6:04 PM

Blast from the past 2

Last Dec. 25, Me and my high school friends had our Christmas party, it's the first time that I joined them, I had this nauseaus feeling that I couldn't explain. I was so eager to see them and somehow the spirit of the season gave a me a mixture of feelings that I couldn't quite contain.

But I knew I was happy and excited. ;)

We just came from Cavite, my mom and dad wanted to postpone our trip back to Manila but I insisted to go because of our little get together. And I don't regret a second of it.

These are the the friends that I left when I got kicked out in high school, the same reason why it was so hard for me to leave that school. If there's one thing that I treasure most from high school, it's them.

TENOS. all 10 of them girls.

It's a little sad to see that there's only 3 of them left at the party, Mei had to leave for their family reunion, Jay2 couldn't make it because she's in Bulacan, Jian and Karen are out of the country, I don't know where the others were, but I knew and felt they were sad and missing them.

Anyway, I still had fun, and I'm happy to see that Alou now has a family of her own, it felt odd in many ways but to see her happy with her husband and her smart little daughter gave me a feeling of relief.

I missed them, that I could tell especially Ikoy, my baby ikoy, my little sis, I miss talking to her and tell her just about anything ;) and Esang still never fails to tickle my brains.

For the most part I could say, that I was happy... that even though it has been a long time since I since saw and actually spent time with them they still hold that special place in my heart. A place only they could fill.

Merry Christmas!

here are some pics from the party...




that' s me and Ikoy






Si Esang na di pa din kumukupas ang nakakahawang tawa



Si Esang ako at si Alou

Jesus

My dad was born on Christmas day.

And his name is Jesus.
Jesus Allauigan Beltran.
Jess to his friends and relatives, Daddy for me and my sister.

I guess it was mere coincidence that his parents named him after Christ or because he was born on Christmas day, But I sometimes feel that I got Jesus Christ for my father. :)

He seldom gets mad and if he does that would mean you've done really something wrong, like Christ he gets mad for reasonable reasons.

He is kind and gentle and if he ever scolds us he does it in a kind manner.

Growing up, I never really got the chance to spend quality time with him, he is a workaholic but that's because he tries to make ends meet for us.

My dad and I aren't really close, guess it's because he is always at work, but I remember one time we watched a James Bond Movie (Tomorrow Never Dies) and it felt really good.

I sometimes wish that I got to play with him, he loves basketball just like I do, He is a die-hard Ginebra fan, and a Lakers fan just like me. There was a time when I felt that if there was one thing that was missing from my childhood is that I had no memory of playing with him. But I understand that now.

Every day, and every morning he calls to check on us, at noon after my mom arrives from school he calls to check on her too.

Him and my mom are extremes, but they hardly ever get into fights, lately I've noticed that his quiet demeanor has changed, perhaps because he is growing a little too tired from work, and I heard that they've been having problems with their company. He works in a business newspaper and that has been our bread and butter eversince. I guess he's worried for us and that adds to the stress he gets from work.

But just the same, he is still the same dad I know, to say that my dad is kind would be an understatement. He is not perfect and though he has his shortcomings that doesn't make him less of a person that he is to me.

Compassionate, patient, a loyal husband, an understanding father, what more can I say.

I may not say it much but I am so proud to have you as my father... (I just wish you got a little more creative in naming me, not just settling for initials of your first names, but that's a minor flaw.) everyone can say they're lucky to have a father but I feel a thousand times luckier than they are.

I love you daddy! Happy Birthday!!!

Ain't enough


It ain't enough...

It's not enough that I care for you, you will always long for something more.
It's not enough that you make me feel loved, I still might make you feel inadequate from time to time.
It's not enough that I give you roses, you will long for tulips and daffodils tomorrow.
It's not enough that you gave me your body, I will long for your soul because I would want to make you mine completely...
There will always be fights about shortcomings, things I didn't do, things I overdid.

But its enough that I have you,
It's enough that I am yours...