Elections=Scary

I am scared. As in really scared.

I am scared of May 10, and the outcome that comes after Monday.

I am scared that it may not even happen, that a failure of elections will be proclaimed, even though there is no clear provision on the constitution that clearly defines what a failure of elections is. But then again, given our history of election fraud and with all the fiasco about the PICOS machines, the compact flash cards, who knows what may happen?

As early as now, its easy to predict a massive disenfranchisement of voters. I'll tell you why.

One. Majority of the voters are elderly, this is a new process and with all things new comes confusion. Else, they knew they only needed to shade the circle but didn't shade enough or did 2 for one post. Some may say no, its too easy you can't go wrong. Oh but believe me this will happen.

Two. Voters list weren't updated, voters who couldn't find their precints. I've seen this happen so many times. I've served in 3 national elections already 2 presidential elections and 1 senatorial elections and all 3 had similar scenarios like this.

Three. PICOS machines failing. You all would agree this is inevitable. With only 3 days to the elections, there will never be enough time for all the retestings.

Say its a perfect world, and the elections run smoothly, As a nation famous for excellent choices such as plundering leaders and evil dictators, have we gained at least an ounce of political maturity? May 10 is one golden opportunity to effect change and perhaps start healing our ailing country.

I guess Im scared because this is the most important election of my life, this is my time to reach for the best that I can be, as I reach the prime of my life. And getting stucked with another plunderer/moron isnt going to help. Selfish? No. Its just one of my worst fears and I cant help but feel anxious about Monday.

I have made my choice. Im going for Teodoro-Binay. Both I believe has credibility and the ability to lead. but this wont matter if the elections do not forego as we expect. So my only prayer now is for the elections to happen and get rid of the evil dwarf whom we call President until June 30.

Lamok

Nabad-trip ako nung isang umaga, pagkagising kasi namin, may isang malaking kagat ng lamok si Jaden sa ilong. Nakakapikon di'ba? Sa lahat ng pwedeng kagatin bakit naman anak ko pa, di na lang ako. At bakit kase sa may ilong pa, pwede namang sa braso, sa binti, sa leeg. Sa lahat ng parteng puwedeng makagat dun pa sa kapansin-pansin

Minsan naiisip ko tuloy, ano nga ba talagang silbi ng lamok bukod sa i-balance ang food chain? Sabi nila pag nawala daw ang lamok mawawala ang mga palaka, at iba pang mas malaking hayop na kumakain dito. Dito talagang nababagay ang expression na "E ano ngayon?"

Sa madaling salita, napikon ako, inutusan ko ngayon ang kasama namin sa bahay na nag-aalaga kay Jaden, sabi ko "Hanapin mo nga iyong kumagat kay Jaden kagabi, patayin mo!"

Tiyempong nang umaga na 'yon ay hawak nya ang malupit na pamatay ng lamok. Ito ang katumbas ng silya-elektrika sa mga lamok. Kung ang katol at baygon na ini-ispray ay gas chamber. Ito ang electric chair para sa mga napatunayang nagkasala at nangagat ng batang inosente.

See Exhibit A:

Ito ang kagamitang kikitil sa pinaghahanap na puganteng lamok. Makatarungan nga ba na palayain na lang sya at hayaang mambiktima ng ilan pang inosenteng kabataan?

O hahayaan na lang ba syang lumipad at malayang makapameste dahil isang araw lang din naman ang buhay nya?

Lahat ng ito'y gumulo sa isip ko, tama nga ba ang aking iniutos?

Marahil kagaya natin, ang lamok na iyon ay gusto din lang mabuhay.

Naputol ang pagmumuni muni ko ng sinagot ako ni Joanna sya ang kasama namin sa bahay at naatasang magpataw ng karimari-marim na parusang kamatayan.

Ito ang sabi nya:

"Koya, hinde ko sya mahanap magkakamokha sila e!" "Pare-pareho lang halos ang lake!"

Undecided

Who are you voting for?

A month from now, our decision will either make or break the nation. It might not mean anything for some people, thinking that this train is bound to its tracks, and poverty will always be beside its rails. There is no hope for this dying nation. In the end, no matter who takes the seat of the highest post in the land, we're all doomed to failure.

I refuse to believe that.

If the elections were held 8 months ago, there is no doubt the yellow ribbon and the Cory Magic would've made it easy for Ninoy's son to win the presidency, now its a battle between Orange and Yellow. Both of which claim they can make everything right, one says he'll end poverty. The other says he will not steal.

Forget Teodoro, Gordon, Perlas, Madrigal, Villanueva and Estrada. Come May, it will be a showdown between the former 2.

Noynoy or Manny.

I am not going for Manny, even if I had a gun pointed at my head instructing me to shade the circle beside his name on the ballot. I was going to go for Noynoy with one principle in

mind, I will choose the lesser evil.

Now who's to say that is true?

Is he really the one with the moral ascendancy to carry out this one grave task of salvaging a nation in turmoil? Or are we just blinded by the Cory Magic and we fail to see that he is just not ready yet to run a country. That he is just not yet made.

Villar on the other hand, promises a life free of poverty, claims will end it and that slogan is winning its way to the minds of the hopefuls, unaware that this guy reeks of corruption and carries the stench of his sea full of garbage "dagat ng basura" jingle.

That leaves us with a handful of choices. A bunch of wannabes with platforms perfected by careful planning and mastery of this nation's problems.

A month ago, I would have said with conviction that I will vote for Noynoy, now I am undecided, what does he have to offer that the other candidates didn't? If a congressman wasn't

able to do much for a small province, how can an entire nation rely on him?

I still think there is hope though, but that's mainly because I'd like to think that my son has a bright future ahead of him. That 6 years from now whoever wins the May election may have done something good.

That 6 years from now, this country has learned its lesson not to put our hopes up on just one person and leave our fate to the president who after all is just human like us bound to commit mistakes may they be grave or petty forgivable errors.

That 6 years from now, we have realized that no one can save us from ourselves but ourselves.

Shall I go for Teodoro who seems sincere but made one big mistake of making a pact with the devil?

Noynoy who claims to be honest but has done nothing trustworthy?

I am undecided.

Life defined by a minute

Have you ever had a day when you wish you can go back in time just for that one minute tha could have made that day better?

I do, almost every day. And counting on the number of minutes I've had maybe things would have been much different if it weren't for that minute. That 60 seconds of time I can never get back.

I'll start when I woke up this morning

@ 4:15am I didn't get up all at once and I chose to leave my bed at 4:16am

I took my breakfast, went on with my daily morning rituals and left the house by 4:35am

I took the bus at 4:45am.

The bus was at Ortigas by 5:30am but the stupid driver decided he needs to wait for passengers and got stuck at Shaw Boulevard (Crossing). I took a desperate glance at my phone's watch and saw its already 5:40am. I hesitated and decided to get off the bus by 5:41am.

I took the bus going to Ayala, arriving at the office at 6:02am.

I was late for 2 minutes. All because of a minute of hesitation and another minute of spending time with the cobwebs in my head as I was feeling all woozy from waking up.

And I lost *2000 pesos just because I was late.

(*Perfect attendance incentive that requires 100% attendance and zero tardiness)

Hail to my Alma Mater

It still makes perfect sense to me, what my professor back in college said: “Wala sa eskuwelahan yan, nasa estudyante yan!” (Its not about the school, its about the student).

And so I wonder, what’s up with people who are too damn proud of their alma mater? I mean, I can understand the pride and the loyalty to your school that honed you and taught you the things you know. But that doesn’t mean you are better and more equipped than the ones who didn’t graduate from UP, La Salle, or Ateneo for that matter. It seems that if there’s one thing common about people who came from this school is that they are TOO PROUD.

This is not a contest though of who’s the proudest of them all, my observation points to people who came from University of the Philippines. The so- called “iskolar ng bayan”. Let me cite a concrete example: It was a simple conversation that turned ugly, one of my workmates asked my friend who studied (but didn’t graduate) at UP if she went to the UP Fair and the latter answered, “Ayoko pumunta dun puro rakrakan!” (She meant she didn’t want to go there, because there were a lot of punks and rockers and all the bands played rock.) I butted in and said “Shunga! Di kaya puro rock tugtog dun!” I defended the crowd and the bands that played because not all of them play rock. (Pinikpikan, Giniling Festival, Up Dharma Down they aren’t pure rock) Her polite rebuttal was: “Hindi ako shunga!, pumasa kaya ako ng UPCAT!” (Im not stupid, I passed the UPCAT) I don’t think I have to explain what UPCAT is but for the heck of it, UPCAT is the entrance examination for high school graduates who wants to make it to the most prestigious school.

Yes its petty and maybe a little elementary. But its just a small part your everyday conversation with a UP graduate. Not that I have something against them, I’ve met people who came from UP who didn’t need to rub it in that they came from UP. 90% of the time if you’re speaking with a UP alumni, they’ll find a very smooth segue on the conversation that they came from UP, I studied at UP. It was nice to study in UP, I still visit UP. There’s nothing wrong with that I suppose, they love their school so much that if one of their school’s merchandise was pajamas and nightgowns they will sleep in it and rest their heads on a UP Pillow.

My point is, it is not your school that will make you who you are. You have to work on it. Respect is gained not enforced along with your self worth that you may have lost with your failures. Your now seemingly insignificant brilliance doesn’t always translate to wisdom. If you continue on equating intelligence with how high your IQ is you are bound to fail. And fail you shall.

This is not an article against UP graduates, although it may seem that I singled them out, this is about every student who are too proud of their school and foolishly believes that graduating from their school ensures them a bright future. Nothing comes easy. And in the end, some of them end up donning a headset and get tied to a chair, 8 hours a day.

[Mo Twister wrote an almost similar take about this topic, you can check his post at http://www.motwister.com/blog/2009/11/20/are-you-too-proud-of-your-school.html ]

Actor-Politician

The other day, I was listening to the good times morning show on the radio and Grace Lee made an interesting comment about actors who are running for public office and turned down Mo Twister’s invitation for an interview on his show. Apparently Ara Mina had a very memorable experience on his show. She was able to uplift the morale of showbiz personalities who turn into accomplished politicians. She did this simply by her wit and intelligent answers to extremely regular questions. (What the ?)

Grace pointed out, they are afraid to come to Mo’s show but they are not afraid of the people they will be held liable and accountable for if and when they win in the coming elections. True. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against actors who become public servants. The constitution does not in any way prohibit them from doing so, but holding a public office is no walk in the park, there’s no director that shouts CUT! if you make a mistake, once a decision is made, it is the people who voted for you that reaps the benefits of your good decision, and they are the same ones who suffer if you made a bad choice.

I wonder what’s going on an actor’s head that very moment when they make that life changing decision to run for public office. I mean what were they thinking? Weren’t they just bored with their lives and thought they’ll raise up the bar a bit and make their lives more interesting. Or is it really the will to do good that pushes them to take the challenge and pray that God will do the rest? This country has suffered enough with one big mistake in the person of Erap and I wish we’ve gained a bit more understanding that good acting doesn’t translate to good public servant.

The fact of the matter is, people are stubborn, it’s the kid in us that gets the better of us, when we make tough decisions that we feel doesn’t directly affect us. We look at elections like it’s a game, we pick those who we think are most likely to win, notwithstanding their credibility and all other factors that makes for a good public servant.

We fail to realize that if they win, we lose.

This is what will happen to the Philippines if ERAP will win again...

[From Conrado De Quiros original article in Philippine Daily Inquirer some 6 years ago about FPJ winning the presidency]

This is what will happen to the Philippines if ERAP will win again...

























































...

My 30th Birthday

A few weeks before my birthday, my wife asked me how I wanted to celebrate my 30th birthday, I told her I wanted to go to the beach. And so we did. I don't have much to say except that I had a grand time. We went to Canyon Cove in Nasugbu, Batangas. Abee made sure my birthday would be memorable. She did everything to make our trip to the beach possible. She said this would be her birthday gift for me. I guess she knows the beach is my comfort place. That one place you can go to and make all your worries and stress disappear.

The rates aren't too steep. Its 500 pesos per head but you get to consume 200 pesos off the entrance fee. And since we were seven in the group including the driver we had 1400 pesos to spend for our lunch, not bad right? (Rates are for daytour only) If you plan on staying overnight, the rooms are for 5000 pesos+.

The pool

The Infinity pool.

Jaden, Jay and Abee

The Beach

My wife and me

Cabanas

Cabanas are rented for 1000 pesos. They offer a lot of fun activities, like kayaking, snorkeling, diving is also one of the things I'd love to try out too. I wanted to ride the jet skii but it was for 1800 pesos for 15 mins which was too costly for me.

I wish I was being paid to blog about Canyon Cove or maybe they can give me a 50% discount the next time I visit there but unfortunately this is a free ad. Let that be my gift to you on my birthday. If you have plans this summer, Canyon Cove is the place to be. (Cheesy!!!)

Of text lingos and interchanging consonants and vowels

Call me crazy, but as technology has gifted us with gadgets that makes life easier and convenient, it is slowly robbing us of our sanity and common sense. Sanity may very well be a strong word but its just my way of stressing the fact that I hate the way people converse in the mobile phone universe, at least here in the Philippines.

Maybe we're evolving backwards and we want to go back to those times that people communicate by sign language or language is slowly being replaced by the digital language.

"Wer na u? d2 na me." Why interchange ako with me? Why? Why?

"San q keu mit?" q for ko? lazy...

And to make it worse, the innate desire to belong gets the better of the manliest of men and succumb to the lure of stupidity. They fail to realize how gay it would sound to use Va instead of Ba.

"Nakufo, valik work na naman sa Monday..."

Yes its petty, but I guess this roots from the fear that when my son gets old, spelling and grammar will be a thing of the past.

TL Jesus

A few months back my good friend at the office was seriously contemplating on leaving the company and I think I managed to convince her to stay and wait for the 13th month pay and go from there. (Well I guess she stayed because she needs the job too.) Lets name her Joei for the sole purpose of being discreet. She's my partner in whining and cursing every day, every freakin' day we put on the headset and turn into emotional doormats (as she puts it) of our good old customers.

As luck turns to our side and the wheel of fate finally settles to smiles and sunny skies. We were given a new team leader. I said to her, "I think she's nice, and she's really kind and understanding maybe that will give you enough reason to stay". I paused and thought for a while and said, I guess it wouldn't really matter to you even if you have Jesus became your supervisor. If you have no passion for what you are doing it will always be a cross on your shoulder.

Then I had this funny thought, having Jesus as your team leader wouldn't be such a breeze either. Imagine approaching Him and asking for approval for credits and He will answer you with "My son, I'll tell about you the parable of the mustard seed... or the parable of the sower" and before you can decipher if the credit has been approved or not, your customer might have gone to slumberland or may have choked himself to death.

Kidding and blasphemy aside, I am still waiting for that day that I will wake up one morning and feel psyched that I am going to work, and not look at my job as a means to an end. Yes I am proud that I am not some vagabond who begs for food and alms. Yes there is nothing wrong with being a call center agent, (but there's something wrong with you if you wear a shirt that says Little Miss Agent with a cartoon drawing of a girl wearing a headset), but there's nothing wrong with wishing for more I suppose.

I now know the cause of my misery, and I'm hoping one day I'll find the strength to move forward.

30

I remember when I was a kid, I wished that I can pull time forward and be 21 and do all the things that adults can do. I so wanted to get away from home and have the freedom to stay up late, party and not worry about the 6pm curfew that my mom imposes. (Otherwise I'll end up picking my clothes on the streets because she throws them all away if I'm not home at the dot).

Let me cut to the chase and go straight to the point, Im turning 30, 23 days from now and I wish I can go back in time. Time flies faster as you grow older. And you end up gloating and sulking about things you want to do or accomplish or even bigger, things you didn't do and things you could have done. You go and make plans for the next 5 years but it seems like you can't squeeze it all in such a small window of time. You wish for more time.

The irony doesn't stop there, some 10 or 2 decades ago you wanted to travel through time fast forward to your mid twenties to have the time of your life and  you end up waking on your 27th birthday wishing you were seventeen and still learning the truths of life.

The sad fact is that you can't turn back time, but you can however make the most of the time you have left in this world. The Mayans predict the world will end in 2012 and if that's true that leaves us with 2 years to live a meaningful life. I guess if there's one good thing about this whole end of the world rumor is that some people will try to live a better life or if going to heaven even matters to them then they will try to be better people.

Coherence thrown out of the wind, the whole premise of this article got lost along with my bitterness. And as the sour reality of it kicks in I guess all I wanted to say is that time and life are too bitter enemies that will never get along because they try to outrun each other and life always loses the battle. The world doesn't wait for you to come along, but do not make decisions on impulse. One song says *some of the most interesting 40 year old people still don't know what to do with their lives but you'll never know when its too late and your just watching yourself burn and fade out.

"Make the most out of everyday" This line has been used over and over again but this makes more sense to me now that my age has gotten into me. I used to say, Age only has wheels but the person itself  do not, now I fear that I'm running out of time to make sense, to look back at my own meandering existence and smile about it.

Take each step with caution, do things that makes you and others smile. When someone says Live your life, don't take it literally, it means get a life worth living. Happiness is a choice you have to make so find that one thing that you know you'll do with passion.

Don't make the same mistakes I did.

The 10 peso change

Have you ever bought something from a convenience store or even a sari-sari store, you take out a P100 bill and the guy at the counter with an irritated tone asks you, "Wala ba kayong barya, Sir?" (Do you have a smaller bill?). It makes you feel bad and you end up feeling sorry as hell because you failed to realize that its your civil duty, yes its your  civil obligation that you got to have barya. %&$%!

So the other night I came out with a bag of 10 peso coins from our piggy bank that we saved for our son and I wanted to have it changed for P100, or  a P500 bill. I was thinking to my head this is going to be easy because most of the store owners  would really look at you with a flaming glare if you buy small stuffs with a bigger bill. I thought I was doing them a favor so I was surprised when a store told me. "Di namin kailangan ng barya" (We don't need your coins, we have lots of it).

Perflexed and stunned, I went home cursing.

I guess this is classic humanity, that's how people are. You got to have something they will benefit from. I won't do you any favor as you aren't doing me any. I can't be kind without expecting anything in return. Maybe I am over reacting and passing judgment for a mere 10 peso coin but then again its just a small picture of the bigger canvas.

Sad.

5 Elements of a Good Film

I was on my way to work this morning and I rode the bus and guess what they were playing on their video on board? No it wasn't Pride and Prejudice or Breakfast at Tiffany's neither was it A Few Good Men or the equally perennial blockbuster movies of Steven Seagal. It was a pirated copy of New Moon.

And so a few minutes away from login to the inhumane little torture voicebox named AVAYA. I new I had to write this down before this article gets drained along with my energy.

The 5 Elements of a Good Film

1. Weak Plot: The plot should evolve around star crossed lovers, who faces difficulties of unmatched proportions. It should not be contemporary and the story has to be well written on water. It should tackle vampires and werewolves and destroy everything that has already been told about them. For as long as it can elicit "Kilig" or shivers down the audiences spines, it should work. I promise it will.

2. Gorgeous Heroine/ Hot Male Lead: Film makers should be made aware that without this two, the movie will never work, Acting skills isn't a necessity as long as they can deliver their lines by a mere tweak of their face and they have an idea what sadness is, that should be fine. Although I will never understand what women think of as handsome or hot. I think the standards has come a long way from the days of old. (That I don't have any input for because like I said I really don't get it) Men nowadays should have lipstick and should have pale faces and anemic or they can have a nice chiseled body and it wont matter if they look like a werewolf.

3. Eternal shirtless scene: One or more of your male leads has to have 10 or more scenes without their shirt on inexplicably. Im guessing this has something to do with the fact that women outnumber men in terms of population. That's it, no further explanation required.

4. Constant pain: One of the characters has to look like they are in constant pain. The characters name may or may not be Jasper but this element should be satisfied in order to come up with a very interesting character.

5. Popular Book Phenomenon: Like Harry Potter which was written originally and is still categorized as a children's book, the movie should come out from a very popular book written by an unknown author. It has to be a huge success with teenagers and children and adults will eventually start reading it. Face it, kids nowadays set the trend in what's going to be popular.

The movie was very good. I like it. (Oh crap, crap, crap)

Willie Revillame

"Kung ganyan, pakita na lang natin 'yan. Kasi nagsasaya kami dito, tapos... Masakit sa akin 'yan, e. Nagsasalita ako dito... 'yan, please. Sana maintindihan n'yo. Nagsasaya kami dito, papakita n'yo sa amin yun ang... di ba? Hindi tama, e. Okey? Hindi ba?" "Pangit! Hindi ho maganda sa atin. Nagsasalita, ipinapakita yung kabaong ni Tita Cory, hindi ba? Papano kami makapagsasaya, nahihirapan kami? I'm sorry ho, ha. Pero ako, totoo ako, e. 'Wag n'yo akong pagagalitan, kasi totoo ang gusto kong malaman... "Pagkatapos ng show, ipakita n'yo ang gusto n'yong palabas. Kasi itong Wowowee, gusto ko... Hindi ba, at alam din ni Tita Cory 'yan dahil napasaya rin siya ng show na ito na laging masaya dito, ok?"



This was the airheaded buffoon's comments over Cory's cortege in his number one stupid program.



For some, this will appear as biased and I might even sound as a flame starter but I cant stand this TV host anymore, and I think something needs to be done, something drastic, like banning him from being seen on the television for 10 years or for his entire lifetime. He is an arrogant, hypocritical maniac who doesnt deserve to rip on the merits of his fame.

I wonder what people see in this show. Apart from the "masa" format. People may have totally forgotten about the ULTRA stampede and deaths that came with this show. And what happened to that whole fiasco about the game fixing? Gone to oblivion?

I can only wish that his TV show gets cancelled.

An Instrument of Change

I grew up at a time when political turmoil was at its peak, Our entire nation was fed up with the bondage of oppression and dictatorship. I was 3 years old when her husband, the late Senator Ninoy Aquino was assasinated at the tarmac of NAIA.  I can still remember the image of Ninoy lying face down at the airport from our black and white TV, I did not understand what was going on then, all I can recall was the image of a lifeless man.

3 years later, Corazon Aquino became the face that spawned change in our country's history. The world turned its eyes on the Philippines as it watched the most peaceful uprising the world will ever know. In its center was Ninoy Aquino's widow, who will later become the president who restored democracy in our country, after over 2 decades of military rule, wrought by injustice and cruelty.

The only president who served with honesty and integrity, now leaves us with memories of her selflessness and enduring faith in God. I never realized how much impact she created in my political subconscious until her passing. And its sad that its more often true in all human dealings. We only realize how much a person means to us when he's/she's gone.

The entire country mourned her passing, I mourn for her and the ideals she fought for, democracy might forever be a concept and may never be attainable for as long as there are people who pervertedly uses power as a means for control and gain. In her death we lost a great leader, and lost the embodiment of conscience and honesty. We lost our conscience. She was an instrument of change. But the times has changed along with the meaning of democracy. Its no longer a government of the people for the people and by the people, it may very well be a government of some people, for some people and by some people.

Let us not taint the memory of Corazon Aquino with false hopes and failed dreams, honor her by restoring faith in the true meaning of democracy. Only then can we be worthy of her sacrifice and call her Tita Cory.

You keep me going

Your love keeps me going, your faith in me helps me as I struggle to fight my insecurities. You keep me warm and safe and I feel comfort in your wings. When you hold me tight, when I rouse you from your sleep and you say "I love you!" I miss you... Your love keeps me sane.

Your smile eases my tired body, and the mere sight of you pushes me to keep dreaming. Yes, I dream still, even though dreaming has always failed me. The sound of your laughter gives rest to my tired soul. I look at your little hands and I wonder how such small hands can create such magic with just one touch. Your tiny little feet tells me that life goes on, to look in to the future with a sense of calm and eager anticipation. Everything is gonna be alright. I have you, I have your mother.

Uncertain as our future together, I grasp at the hope that we'll always stay together, no matter how tough things may become. You'll have me, You'll both have me. I will always be here for you.


I get tired, I get dizzy from life and hope sometimes slips away but I know I have to be strong for you, for our son.

I love you!

You keep me going.

Missing you, missing us...

I saw this in our room when I got home today...

I miss her too, I miss my wife, I miss waking up with her by my side. I come home at night to find her getting ready for work. Sometimes I find her sleeping comfortably in our room when I get home early and I struggle with the urge to wake her up or wait until 7pm or until her alarm wakes her up.

I miss her more than she thinks I do.

I miss you Mine! I hope you can hear me when I say that I miss you...

I miss spending time with you, I miss you and the warmth of your body when I hold you in my arms to hug you tight;

and I love you too Mine! Now more than ever...

Eraserheads Final Set

For the people who loved them, grew up with them and followed their music. For the 90's generation, March 7, 2009 wasn't just an ordinary night. It was a night to remember. One for the annals of our music history.

Marcus, Buddy, Raimund and Ely; or simply The Eraserheads to us. The group who came and broke into the Philippine music scene back in the 1990's with a thunderous  and paved the way for honest to goodness alternative music was on stage. Reunited again. Perhaps for the last time.

And I'm proud to say I was there, with my wife and my Tita. I missed the first one back in August and I still nag myself for that. So we went there with no tickets in hand, consoling ourselves with the thought that at least we'll get to listen to them and that's all that mattered.

But technology was kind to lend us a vision of what's happening inside. A wide screen projector allowed us to witness history. It was a chill to see them play again as one unit.

It took us an hour to park the car, but it was worth all the hassle. When we arrived, Raimund was on the mic singing Slo mo, Marcus took over frontman duties with Insomya afterwards then Ely sang Torpedo to close the 1st set. A break allowed them to rest for a while but by the time we got back near the concert grounds, they were already playing Wishing wells.

I loved the way they played Kailan, I think this was their relaxed acoustic set. When I heard the intro for Spoliarium, it was as if my heart would stop beating. I don't know if it was just me or if it was the athmosphere that was common to every Eheads fan out there but I was emotional. Maybe because of the thought that this is the last time we'll ever see them play together again. Or its because Im a softie. (as my trainer puts it... hahaha!)

 My wife and I outside the concert grounds

The posers outside

There were posers who were slam dancing outside who probably didn't really listen to Eheads but were there to make a scene and validate the authenticity of their rocker image.

There was a 5 minute break after the 2nd set. And then I heard Ely's voice saying, "Para kay Francis" The crowd chanted "Francis, Francis, Francis!" I heard that Francis was supposed to perform Superproxy that night, or was supposed to appear as s surprise guest too bad he didn't make it it would've made this event all the more spectacular. He will surely be missed.

With the crowd chanting the Master Rapper's name. Marcus gave the unmistakable intro for Superproxy, as if it was a trip down memory lane Ely followed it with Minsan. A more melodic version of Alapaap was rendered afterwards and as a tribute to Francis M. They sang the chorus of Kaleidoscope world.

My wife and I talked about what could be the most appropriate Eheads song for the finale. We both agreed it was "Ang Huling El Bimbo" and true enough when they played it a grand display of fireworks was set out to color the dark skies (and pollute the air some more; no pun intended). I tried to hide my teary eyes, and took the camera so we can take pictures. (bad segue)

Abee and me

Tita Niña and Abee

But they weren't just done yet. As we headed towards the exits (as if we were inside the concert grounds), or the parking lot I should say, we saw someone climb the stage and on the drums (from the backview of the stage) We heard the intro of Ligaya. so we went back and watched them finish off the show. A little hesitant to leave this time even after we saw the huge sea of crowd heading towards the exit again.

We enjoyed every minute of it. It would've been better if we had tickets and we were inside with the view of the stage but the songs remain the same. After all it was the music that we came for. And hearing them played again by the same band that we loved as teenagers was more than enough. It was more than enough.

When its not for you...

I have always thought that I was destined for greatness. Its a little self-serving; One might think. But that's because that's how I am built. I believe in me. I know the things I am capable of, I am aware of my potential. But the sad part of it is I might be the only one who knows that; the lone person who'll notice how good I can become. Reality will always say, you are not worthy. That's the closest you can get to success. At the bottom of the rank and file.

Is it because there are so many things that I want to do that I haven't got time to even start pursuing them. I guess not. I wanted to become a rock star. I formed my band, contributed my songwriting skills and my voice. I wanted to become a writer. So I started blogging and practiced my amateur creative writing skills. All these to no avail. (at least for now)

Fresh from graduation, the very first office that I went to was a government office. I wanted to have a career that's in line with my field of study, the initial response that I got from the HR guy was "May kilala ka ba dito?" (Do you know someone here?) I didn't fold, I asked for the officer in charge/supervisor and complained about the rude guy. Only to find out that, its just how it is. You have to know somebody to be somebody in that office. (Government offices in general).

Im not gonna start telling the story of my ill fated application at Sandigan anymore. Tragic is the apt word to describe it.

I have bitterly accepted the fact that I cannot be a tv/movie actor. I have abandoned my dreams of becoming a regular host in Eat Bulaga. Some things are just too grand. Unattainable. Unreal.

Just recently I tried to apply for a post at the Senate. I went there, with my crushed spirit and the last few ounces of hope that somehow I might make it. I will finally get a job that I truly love. When I learned that it was in an office that stands proud with integrity, I was even more excited.

Everything went well, I guess. I passed 2 interviews. But in the end, I lost again.

At the pit of desperation, I stopped breathing, I stopped dreaming, I thought to myself, will I be forever stuck in a mediocre job? Am I blessed with these gifts that are bound to rot with my decaying soul.

It wasn't for me, and yet there are so many things I can still be happy about. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son.

I can choose to stop dreaming and face the rest of my life with half dazed energy. And embrace the fact that it's just not for me.

Or I can rise above it, and finally settle my score with fate.

Epiphany

A few weeks back my then pregnant wife told me that although she’s excited to see our son, she says she’ll miss him. She’ll miss being with him everyday. She’ll miss the thought that our baby is just curled up inside her, taking him wherever she goes.

I will never know how it feels to be pregnant, to have a person growing inside you, to go through all the hormonal changes and discomfort that a woman/mother experiences as she lets another person into this world. But I felt for her, I knew exactly what she meant. She loves our son and she wants to be with him, care for him in a way that we men as part of the male species will never get the chance to have.

And so I thought that’s just the way it is for parents. For a mother in particular, It was like an epiphany of what’s she’s going to feel twenty or thirty years later. When our son decides to live a life of his own, have his own family and leave the home he was curled, tucked in every night, nurtured and cared for all his life. Just like when he leaves his mother’s womb that hollow feeling of separating from the fruit of your loins will always be there. And its inevitable no matter how hard you try.

As a father, we will be feeling all these emotions too, like a giant wave that crushes to the ocean floor it will pound us, and leave us with that painful feeling of letting go. Yet it will always be incomparable to that link between a mother and her child. After all, we wouldn’t all be here if it weren’t for our mother, who carried us for nine (10 months actually) months, we bathe with her, went to places with her, ate with her. Everything that transforms us to what we are happened through her.

I can never describe in words what I felt when I first saw my baby boy, our baby boy. And I can imagine my wife feeling the same. He has finally arrived. We worry for him, we miss him when he is not in sight, that’s how it is and that’s how it will be. My mom always used to say, you’ll only realize how hard it is to become parents when you have kids of your own.

The journey begins, and our long wait is over. We can feel anxious about his future and that’s normal, we all are. We welcome him with open arms and all our love. “I can hardly wait to see you come of age, but in the meantime…” (John Lennon, Beautiful Boy) He is our baby boy.

He is our son.