Yesterday, my son woke up from a nap and my wife told me that he was looking for me, in between tears he was calling me and then came the heartbreaking line "My daddy is stuck on a laptop...".
To my son, his father has now been reduced to a 4x6 inch character he sees on the laptop that he fondly calls daddy. Gone are the afternoons he would ride his car with me watching him from a distance. The 10am bath time we used to share is now a distant memory that is now probably fading from his young mind.
Sometimes late at night I'd wake up and find myself longing to hear him cry and ask for milk. A few months before I left for Singapore, I spent a lot of time with him. I knew I was leaving and my wife said it would be a good idea to have this bond before I finally leave home and work abroad. Everyday I felt more and more closer to him and everyday it became harder for me to leave. I was in constant pain the whole time, add that to the fact that I was leaving my expecting wife. But that's another story.
I never imagined I would have to live and work abroad. I've never dreamt of it. Not even in an alternate universe would I have wished to be separated from my family let alone my son and my wife. I've always thought I'd always be there for see and watch him grow. I wanted to hear him play his first note, or watch him in his first basketball game or piano recital. I told myself that I will never miss any milestone in my sons life. I know I would never be a perfect father but at the very least I wanted him to have a father who was always there for him.
Now his daddy got stuck on a laptop.
For my son, Jaden, this is what I want you to know.
I love you! Never question that. Your mommy and I loves you so much. And when we say you mean the world to us, it means we will do everything to give you everything even if it means not being with you for a while. And I know and I have faith that we will get through.
I may miss some of your birthdays, but you have to know how badly I want to be there. I may miss some of your games but you should know I would always try to be there.
When trying is not enough I will do more than just try, I will be there.
Daddy misses you a lot. I think of you everyday. You and your mom are my source of strength. You inspire me to persevere and work hard, and to be tough when things get real rough.
But for now, I'll just be an image you see on the computer, your silly dad who sings "Elmo's world" and Yo Gabba Gabba songs.
I love you!
-Cyberdaddy Jay
