I have always thought that I was destined for greatness. Its a little self-serving; One might think. But that's because that's how I am built. I believe in me. I know the things I am capable of, I am aware of my potential. But the sad part of it is I might be the only one who knows that; the lone person who'll notice how good I can become. Reality will always say, you are not worthy. That's the closest you can get to success. At the bottom of the rank and file.
Is it because there are so many things that I want to do that I haven't got time to even start pursuing them. I guess not. I wanted to become a rock star. I formed my band, contributed my songwriting skills and my voice. I wanted to become a writer. So I started blogging and practiced my amateur creative writing skills. All these to no avail. (at least for now)
Fresh from graduation, the very first office that I went to was a government office. I wanted to have a career that's in line with my field of study, the initial response that I got from the HR guy was "May kilala ka ba dito?" (Do you know someone here?) I didn't fold, I asked for the officer in charge/supervisor and complained about the rude guy. Only to find out that, its just how it is. You have to know somebody to be somebody in that office. (Government offices in general).
Im not gonna start telling the story of my ill fated application at Sandigan anymore. Tragic is the apt word to describe it.
I have bitterly accepted the fact that I cannot be a tv/movie actor. I have abandoned my dreams of becoming a regular host in Eat Bulaga. Some things are just too grand. Unattainable. Unreal.
Just recently I tried to apply for a post at the Senate. I went there, with my crushed spirit and the last few ounces of hope that somehow I might make it. I will finally get a job that I truly love. When I learned that it was in an office that stands proud with integrity, I was even more excited.
Everything went well, I guess. I passed 2 interviews. But in the end, I lost again.
At the pit of desperation, I stopped breathing, I stopped dreaming, I thought to myself, will I be forever stuck in a mediocre job? Am I blessed with these gifts that are bound to rot with my decaying soul.
It wasn't for me, and yet there are so many things I can still be happy about. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son.
I can choose to stop dreaming and face the rest of my life with half dazed energy. And embrace the fact that it's just not for me.
Or I can rise above it, and finally settle my score with fate.