Year Ender

It's been a while since I last wrote something here, so now I decided that this would be my last entry for the year 2003, although things are working out well for me now, her shadow still remains... I'm leaving this as my farewell entry for this year and I'm hoping that I can leave the past and her memories behind... I have lots of things to tell you guys lotsa things my heart want to scream about, actually this post is really late na coz it's already 2004, but I decided to include it on my December Archive maybe because it really fits there since December ko naman sinulat.
amidst all the confusion I am in, I am so thankful that you stuck with me...
So there, I want to leave this behind...
I wanted to tell her goodbye, in fact that's what I did... my last email for her...

+++++

My baby,

I want to tell you that I miss you, that I long to be in your arms, tell you that your my only wish this christmas, yeah I know it's true. But my heart wanted and wished for something more...
I wanted to wish that Santa would give you back to me as my Christmas present, but that is not what my heart and soul wished for...

I wished for you to be happy, for you to have someone who will love you the way I did perhaps even more. I wished for your happiness even if it meant that I won't be part of it anymore... I wished for someone who'll take care of you the way I wanted to... I wished that Averill will find a better "Jay" to play with him, love him... the way I loved him.

Take care my Baby, this is the only way I can let you know how much I still love you, I don't care if I run out of wishes for me. I just want you to be happy...

Perhaps one day, you'll find that you still need me and my love. One day you'll be able to say that you found someone who loved you with all heart and soul and you want to be in my arms again, but until then, I want you to find your own peace and joy...

So this is it, I'm not saying goodbye... I just don't want to get in your way... I'm just here if you need me...

So long baby... You'll always be my baby...

I leave this song to you...

2 4 1 (my favorite song)

I want to live forever
inside your nights and days
wish upon a silver cloud
crawlin 'cross the moonbeams

a summer night in heaven
between the stars and waves
gaze across the ol bonfire
trample on my heartbeat

wanted to turn you on
my favorite song
wanted to be near you
but somebody owns you now
(I'll try to live somehow)

i love you with a fire
ablaze until time's end
but what good is a heart
when it shudders to speak
i guess it's too late now...


I love you;

I always will...

love,

jay