Blast from the past 2

Last Dec. 25, Me and my high school friends had our Christmas party, it's the first time that I joined them, I had this nauseaus feeling that I couldn't explain. I was so eager to see them and somehow the spirit of the season gave a me a mixture of feelings that I couldn't quite contain.

But I knew I was happy and excited. ;)

We just came from Cavite, my mom and dad wanted to postpone our trip back to Manila but I insisted to go because of our little get together. And I don't regret a second of it.

These are the the friends that I left when I got kicked out in high school, the same reason why it was so hard for me to leave that school. If there's one thing that I treasure most from high school, it's them.

TENOS. all 10 of them girls.

It's a little sad to see that there's only 3 of them left at the party, Mei had to leave for their family reunion, Jay2 couldn't make it because she's in Bulacan, Jian and Karen are out of the country, I don't know where the others were, but I knew and felt they were sad and missing them.

Anyway, I still had fun, and I'm happy to see that Alou now has a family of her own, it felt odd in many ways but to see her happy with her husband and her smart little daughter gave me a feeling of relief.

I missed them, that I could tell especially Ikoy, my baby ikoy, my little sis, I miss talking to her and tell her just about anything ;) and Esang still never fails to tickle my brains.

For the most part I could say, that I was happy... that even though it has been a long time since I since saw and actually spent time with them they still hold that special place in my heart. A place only they could fill.

Merry Christmas!

here are some pics from the party...




that' s me and Ikoy






Si Esang na di pa din kumukupas ang nakakahawang tawa



Si Esang ako at si Alou

Jesus

My dad was born on Christmas day.

And his name is Jesus.
Jesus Allauigan Beltran.
Jess to his friends and relatives, Daddy for me and my sister.

I guess it was mere coincidence that his parents named him after Christ or because he was born on Christmas day, But I sometimes feel that I got Jesus Christ for my father. :)

He seldom gets mad and if he does that would mean you've done really something wrong, like Christ he gets mad for reasonable reasons.

He is kind and gentle and if he ever scolds us he does it in a kind manner.

Growing up, I never really got the chance to spend quality time with him, he is a workaholic but that's because he tries to make ends meet for us.

My dad and I aren't really close, guess it's because he is always at work, but I remember one time we watched a James Bond Movie (Tomorrow Never Dies) and it felt really good.

I sometimes wish that I got to play with him, he loves basketball just like I do, He is a die-hard Ginebra fan, and a Lakers fan just like me. There was a time when I felt that if there was one thing that was missing from my childhood is that I had no memory of playing with him. But I understand that now.

Every day, and every morning he calls to check on us, at noon after my mom arrives from school he calls to check on her too.

Him and my mom are extremes, but they hardly ever get into fights, lately I've noticed that his quiet demeanor has changed, perhaps because he is growing a little too tired from work, and I heard that they've been having problems with their company. He works in a business newspaper and that has been our bread and butter eversince. I guess he's worried for us and that adds to the stress he gets from work.

But just the same, he is still the same dad I know, to say that my dad is kind would be an understatement. He is not perfect and though he has his shortcomings that doesn't make him less of a person that he is to me.

Compassionate, patient, a loyal husband, an understanding father, what more can I say.

I may not say it much but I am so proud to have you as my father... (I just wish you got a little more creative in naming me, not just settling for initials of your first names, but that's a minor flaw.) everyone can say they're lucky to have a father but I feel a thousand times luckier than they are.

I love you daddy! Happy Birthday!!!

Ain't enough


It ain't enough...

It's not enough that I care for you, you will always long for something more.
It's not enough that you make me feel loved, I still might make you feel inadequate from time to time.
It's not enough that I give you roses, you will long for tulips and daffodils tomorrow.
It's not enough that you gave me your body, I will long for your soul because I would want to make you mine completely...
There will always be fights about shortcomings, things I didn't do, things I overdid.

But its enough that I have you,
It's enough that I am yours...

Mourn

Today I mourn, weep and crawl
my way out of the misery
that I may never get away from;
Trapped in a daze
Confused in a maze
of feelings unending...

Release me from the pain
that is not mine to claim

Today I mourn,
tomorrow I succumb
to the sadness
of living without breathing.

When words aren't enough


Chaos, confusion, apprehension.

If I cannot find my soul and desperately search for it, what would be the meaning of all this?
I breathe and go through a day of cloudy skies only to realize I did not have the wisdom to be ready for the rain.

The dark has filled the void, and I, motionless,fell to my back staring blankly at the emptiness, that hollow feeling has got its grip on me again.

I do not know where I'm going, all I know is that I'm heading somewhere, I am tired of waking up each morning in my bed though I know I'm glad that I'm still alive.

You came, you shone a light, you breathe life into me, you painted smiles on my face.

Will it be you that I live for? or will it be you that I die for?

Raindrops are falling again.